The Rest Is History
by GoofyGal2008
Summary: He believed that love could be born from a single glance across a crowded bar; she preferred not to believe in anything at all. Years after their brief encounter, their paths will cross again - and this time, no one will be spared the consequences.
1. Just A Guy In A Bar

**A/N: **The epilogue to 'Chasing a Ghost' will be up soon, I promise. In the meantime, I have decided to start posting this story, which I have nearly completed. I plan to post updates about once a week, possibly slightly more often depending upon my schedule and the response it receives.

This story takes place about twenty-two years after season 1, with flashbacks to periods in between when appropriate. In terms of the show's storyline, most of the first three episodes happened, after which things go in a different direction. It might be a bit confusing for a chapter or two, but I believe it will become clear quickly.

I hope you will all enjoy the story - I look forward to your reviews!

* * *

Addison Montgomery looked anxiously around the crowded bar a few steps from the main entrance of Mount Sinai Medical Center, feeling oddly out of place in the space that had once been as much her home as the brownstone where she'd slept each night. Pushing her way through the usual mass of doctors, nurses and random locals, she slowly made her way up to the bar.

"Megan!"

Addison worried that her shout wouldn't be loud enough to be heard over the din of the other customers, but she soon drew the attention of the petite platinum blonde with blue streaks in her hair. Shoving a beer at the patron on the other end of the bar, the woman smiled and waved at Addison. Tossing a bar towel over her shoulder, she quickly sashayed her way toward Addison's end of the bar.

"Well, would you look at what the cat dragged in? Where the hell have you been hiding these last few years, Addie?"

"Sorry, Megs. This place just isn't really my scene anymore."

"I can see that. We are a little young for someone like you."

"Hey!" Addison protested. "That is not what I meant, and you know it. Besides, I'm younger than you are."

"Age is so much more than a number, darling." Megan waved her hand dramatically, as if to somehow elaborate on her point. "Say what you will, though, you can go as domestic and mommy-dearest on me as you want, but I know my crazy sister-in-law is still in there somewhere, just waiting to come out."

"Megan Lorene…"

"I know, I know." Megan tossed her hands up in a symbol of defeat. "You're divorced, I know. I got the memo…or the email, as the case may be. I don't care if it's been eighteen years, I don't take to change well."

"Apparently not," Addison said with an amused laugh.

"So, what'll it be? I think I still remember your old usual." Megan reached for a glass under the bar until Addison held up a hand to stop her.

"Sorry, Megs, not tonight. This isn't a social call."

Megan frowned but then nodded in understanding. "Back corner booth, but I gotta warn you, I refilled him a few minutes ago and he's in a real doozy of a mood tonight – worse than usual, which is saying a lot if you're at all familiar with his usual mood. Someone die on his table today?"

"Nah." Addison shook her head as she stood up, turning back to Megan briefly. "He got promoted."

Megan sighed and stared after Addison in confusion when she turned away from the bar and made her way toward the back of the room. She momentarily thought about following her, until a drink order shouted from the other end of the bar drew her attention back to the present. With a quick shrug, she figured Addison was better equipped to deal with the brooding man in the back of her bar anyway.

For her part, Addison slipped quietly into the back corner booth, crossing arms over her chest and staring hard at the man sitting across from her and nursing a half-empty Scotch.

"Derek, for a guy who just got what is most likely the biggest promotion of his career, you look an awful lot like someone just ran over your puppy."

"I don't have a puppy." Derek Shepherd didn't even have to bother looking up his drink to know who was across from him – only two women would take the time to berate him for being here, and his sister was tucked safely behind the bar on the other side of the room.

"Oh for the love of God, it's a metaphor, Derek. As of tomorrow morning, you will officially be the Chief of Staff of Mount Sinai, Derek. What the hell are you doing here drowning yourself in Scotch like someone died?"

"And exactly where else would you have me be, Addison? At home? Would you prefer that I was drinking alone in my apartment?"

"Derek…"

"It just feels empty," Derek admitted, pushing the Scotch away as he rested his elbows on the table and buried his head in his hands.

"It's not."

Derek jerked his arm back as Addison attempted to reach out to him. With a quick shake of his head, he looked up at her with shattered eyes.

"When I leave that hospital every night, I go back to an empty penthouse apartment. It's not my home, it never has been. No one waits for me there, no one would notice if I suddenly never went back. And what's the point of that?"

"What is it you want, then?"

"I don't know," Derek sighed. "I always though by this point in my life, I'd have more than just a place to go and sleep at night. I thought I'd have a home – you know, with a wife and a couple of kids – that life I'd always planned on, but somehow never got around to building."

Addison nodded solemnly, knowing better than to argue with him, having been through this same conversation with her ex-husband at least a dozen times in the last year alone. Their divorce hadn't been easy, not on either of them – no one could expect anything less after sixteen years of marriage. She felt grateful that, in the intervening years, she'd been able to move on in a way Derek seemed unable to do. She'd hoped eventually it would pass for him too, but in the eighteen years since their divorce was finalized, Derek had seemed to only retreat further and further within himself.

"You can't live in the past, Derek," Addison said. "We tried, we really did, you and I both know that. Five whole years we tried after…after Mark…after Seattle…we tried longer than we should have, probably. We just…"

"We weren't meant to be," Derek interrupted knowingly. "I'm not trying to go back, Addie. You and I, we were over a long time ago. It's just…I don't know what it is, really. Sometimes, I wonder if after the divorce, I buried myself too deeply in my work, if I somehow forgot to live my life. I've come this far in my career, but what do I have to show for it? What else do I have in my life except my job?"

"You've got your sisters."

"Right," Derek scoffed disbelievingly. "Look, I get that they love me because they have to, but let's not kid ourselves here, Addison. My sisters aren't exactly my biggest fans these days. I only see Meg because she owns this place, and other than that, I think I've seen the others maybe twice since Mom's funeral last year – if that."

"And whose fault would that be?"

"Don't even start," Derek sighed, knowing exactly where she was going when her eyebrow arched up accusingly. "I know it's my fault, I'm not as dumb as you think I am. That doesn't change the fact that I don't have my family in my life, not anymore."

"You can change that, you know," Addison said. "They all still adore you, Derek, even if you've neglected them terribly. The holidays aren't that far off. Why not go home and spend them with the girls this year?"

"So that I can spend a week getting nagged about how I need to settle down, how I'm wasting my life away in the hospital? Trust me, Addison, I get enough of that from inside my own head. I don't need to hear it from my sisters too. Only reason I put up with Meggie is because I get a discount on the booze."

"You'd better not let her hear that, not if you value your life," Addison suggested. "And even if you don't count your sisters, you've still got me and Julia – and Ryan too, even if neither of you want to admit that you're actually friends."

Derek shook his head and picked up his drink once again.

"Ryan and I are not friends," he said after taking another sip. "You don't become friends with your ex-wife's new husband. Things don't work that way in real life."

"You also don't have someone you're not friends with be your daughter's godfather."

"You've got that man wrapped around your finger. He did it because you asked him to, not because we're friends."

Addison leaned back in the booth and crossed her arms over her chest, staring hard at the man across the table from her. If she hadn't seen the changes happening with her own eyes, she never would have believed that this was the same man she'd married more than thirty years ago.

"Come on, this pity party has got to stop, and it's got to stop right now. You've got a lot of good things in your life, Derek Christopher Shepherd, and it's about time you opened your eyes and saw them."

"None of it's the same, Addison, it all feels like something's missing – like I was supposed to have something else or be somewhere else or…something. I can't explain it, but it drives me crazy. I lay awake at night staring at the ceiling, running through all the choices I've made, over and over and over again. I can't stop wondering, if I'd done one thing differently – I don't know what, but one thing, somewhere along the line – if I'd turned left instead of right, stayed behind of leaving, how would my life be different?"

As she watched him go on, it suddenly hit Addison exactly what – or more specifically, _who_ – Derek was lying awake at night wondering about. When she and Derek had first begun trying to be friends again after their divorce, it had been somewhat painful for her to hear him go on and on about the young woman who seemed to have so completely captured his heart during those few short weeks he'd spent alone in Seattle. Now, though, it just saddened her to see him hanging on that memory like a life preserver, unwilling – or maybe even unable – to let go and move on.

"You're thinking about that intern again, aren't you?"

"You think I'm crazy, don't you? We only had a few dates – hardly even real dates, even. But there was just something about her, Addison. I knew it the moment I laid eyes on her in that bar. I don't know how to forget her. I can't shake the feeling – what if she was the one, and I let her slip through my fingers?"

"Derek, it's been more than twenty years since you left Seattle. When are you going to stop daydreaming about this woman, get off your butt and fly back there? Go see your intern, find out what she's doing. You're only making yourself crazy wondering. Stop thinking and start doing, Derek."

"She's moved on. It's been too long for me, our moment passed."

"Then let it be past, Derek. You can't have it both ways, though – if there's a possibility of anything with this woman, you have to take that chance. If there's not, if it's a moment that passed, let it stay in the past and start living your life again, Derek. Take a vacation. Spend some time with your family. Go on a few dates, even."

"Just drop it, would you?" Derek snapped. "Shouldn't you be getting home to your family anyway?"

Addison shrugged, leaning across the table to place a chaste kiss on Derek's cheek as she stood up.

"Be that way if you want. I just wanted to congratulate you on the big promotion. Try to celebrate a little, would you? At least talk to Megan, because so help me God, if you walk out of here tonight without telling her about your promotion…well, you know it won't be pretty."

* * *

Derek stumbled slightly as he stepped into his apartment sometime after two in the morning, Megan following right behind him.

"Go home, Meg."

Derek collapsed onto the couch, not even bothering to turn to look at her as he spoke. Turning around, Megan quietly closed the door and fastened the deadbolt, ignoring Derek's mumbled protest when she walked past the couch and into his kitchen.

"I'm sixty years old, Megan, I can take care of myself."

Returning to the living room, Megan silently set a cup of instant coffee, a glass of water and a bottle of aspirin on the coffee table in front of him. Taking a seat in the easy chair across from the couch, she leaned back and stared at him with no small amount of pity in her eyes.

"I don't need a babysitter."

"Then what about a baby sister?" Megan finally broke her silence, causing him to snap his head up to look at her.

"You're not much of a baby anymore, Megan."

"I'm a hell of a lot younger that you are, old man."

"Not tonight, Megan."

Megan sighed as Derek shook off her attempts to draw him into their usual playful banter. She knew he hadn't been happy in a long time. The whole family knew it. Still, he usually managed a much better show of it than he putting on tonight. It had been years since she'd seem him truly on the verge of breaking down again, but tonight, there he was, right on the proverbial edge.

"Addison says you've been thinking about your intern again."

"She was never mine."

"Could she have been?"

Megan had always been curious about this woman her brother had become so fixated on since his return to New York twenty years earlier. She knew Derek thought he'd fallen in love in Seattle, but although Megan was certainly the most optimistic and romantic of the Shepherd sisters, even she wasn't so sure he wasn't just living in a fantasy.

"We've been through this, Megan. I don't want to talk about her."

"You never want to talk about her, Derek," Megan pointed out. "You won't even tell us her name, but you'll go on and on about how she could have been the one. Quite frankly, it's getting old. So either talk or I'm walking."

"Don't let the door hit you on the way out." Derek motioned with a flourish toward his front door.

"I'm serious, Derek. If I walk out that door, it's done. I'm done. I love you, you're my brother, but I won't stand around and watch you self-destruct like this. I'm not asking for much, Derek, I just want you to talk about it."

"And I told you, I don't want to."

Megan stood up, grabbing her purse off the floor and tossing it over her shoulder. Standing just above where Derek was sitting, she looked down at him, holding back the tears that were building in her eyes.

"Last chance, Derek. Let me in. Let me help you. Please…please, Derek, let me help you."

"Get out, Megan."

Megan nodded slowly, biting her lower lip to keep back the tears she felt coming.

"If that's the way you want it, fine. You always were a mean drunk, Derek. Just don't forget what I said – this is it, it's over. Don't bother coming by the bar tomorrow night. Your free ride's over."

With that, Megan took one final look at her brother before hurrying out of his apartment. The sound of the door slamming behind her shook Derek, his head sinking down into his hands, knowing he might just have screwed up the last good connection he had left with his family.


	2. A Bad Idea

**A/N: **Gah! I'll bet you all thought I'd abandoned this story...I'm so sorry for taking so long to update! I've been pretty sick this fall, and haven't done much writing at all. It's time to get back at it, though, so here is the next update to this story. It's a bit on the shorter side, and I know there will be a lot of questions after reading it, but please hang in there and give me a chance to explain in the coming chapters!

Don't forget to leave a review and let me know what you think!

* * *

A few weeks later, three thousand miles across the country, Mark Sloan groaned as he lifted a large box out of the trunk of his sister-in-law's SUV. He'd parked as close as he possibly could to the front porch, but it still seemed like an endless trek up the hilly driveway to the door.

"Is that the last one?"

Mark nodded as he dropped the box next to the others in the living room and turned to his wife. "Doesn't look like much, does it?"

Lexie Sloan frowned as she surveyed the pile in front of her. "Who moves and only packs six boxes?"

"Meredith, apparently," Mark shrugged. "Most of it isn't even her stuff, it's Jack's and Suzie's."

"There have to be more boxes coming."

"I watched her pack, Lex, she's only got one or two more back at the house. She left the old place fully furnished. She even left the pots and pans in the kitchen."

"Well, it's not like she uses those anyway," Lexie pointed out. "I guess she wasn't kidding when she said she wanted a clean break."

"I still think this is a bad idea," Mark said, looking around at the dust covered sheets on the furniture. "Look at this place. It's a dump."

"It's not a bad house, it's just…well, unlived in, I guess," Lexie said defensively. "It has been at least a decade since anyone lived here, Mark. It'll need some sprucing up, but we can help with that."

"I just don't see the point," Mark said. "Meredith has a perfectly good house on the other side of town that doesn't need any work at all. A house that she's lived in for the last seventeen years and never had a problem with, and now all of a sudden she wants to move back into her mother's house? It doesn't make any sense, Lex."

"Mark, we've been over this," Lexie said with a sigh. "I don't know if this will work, but it's worth a try. She's a grown woman and she'll make her own decisions. If she thinks moving is going to help, then we have to support her in that."

"We're enabling her, Lexie," Mark said. "You're so afraid of offending her that you're not willing to tell her to suck it up and pull it together."

Mark winced at the glare Lexie shot him, knowing almost immediately that he'd chosen the wrong words.

"You think she should 'suck it up,' is that it? For God's sake, Mark, we're not talking about a five year old throwing a tantrum here!"

"Lexie…"

"I'm going back to the house to get Meredith," Lexie said, cutting him off and grabbing her purse off the counter. "Open a few windows and air the place out while I'm gone. And when we get back, you keep your damn mouth shut unless you have something supportive to say, got it?"

Lexie didn't wait for an answer, slamming the door behind her as she stormed out of the house. Mark sighed as he watched her leave, knowing he certainly hadn't heard the last of his slip-up.

He didn't have much time to dwell on it, though, because almost as soon as Lexie was out the door, his phone began to ring in his pocket. Pulling it out, his sour expression relaxed a bit when he saw the name flashing on the caller ID.

"Hey there, gorgeous."

"_Loser."_

Mark grinned as the female voice on the other end of the line dissolved in a fit of giggles. Even now, even over the phone, she couldn't insult him without cracking up, and it always made him smile.

"We have got to work on that poker face, kid."

"_Nah. You want to play poker, you can call Evelyn. You want to have fun, you call me."_

"I'll keep that in mind," Mark said, shaking his head as he pictured the vivacious blonde grinning wildly on the other end of the line. "So, what can I do for you, Annie?"

"_What makes you think I'm not just calling to say hi?"_

"Annie, the last time you called me to 'just say hi,' you wanted me to go with you to tell your mother that you were pregnant. I love you to pieces, baby girl, but you haven't called me once in the last four years without wanting something."

"_Fine." _Mark heard the annoyed sigh, and knew if he could see her, he'd see her smile had faded into a pout. _"Suzie called me this morning."_

"And?"

"_And she was very upset. Something about moving into grandma's old house."_

"What's your point?"

"_Tell me it's not true. Mom's not seriously moving Jack and Suzie into that dump."_

"It's not a dump, Annie. It needs a little work, sure, but it's just…unlived in," Mark grimaced as he heard Lexie's words coming out of his mouth.

"_It's a dump, don't bother trying to convince me otherwise. No one's lived there for, what? Ten years? I'm surprised the roof isn't falling in. She's got a perfectly good house. There's no reason to move."_

"Annie…"

"_Is she having a mental breakdown? She is, isn't she? This is some sort of weird PTSD moment, right?"_

"Annie, she's not having a mental breakdown. She's just having a hard time dealing with things, that's all."

"_She's got no business uprooting Jack and Suzie from the only home they've ever known, especially not at a time like this. And you, I can't believe you and Aunt Lexie didn't try to stop her! That makes you almost as guilty as her! If I were…"_

"Stop right there, young lady," Mark interrupted. "You can think whatever you want, but let me make one thing clear to you – you're not here. You don't have a damn clue what's going on, what your aunt and I have or haven't done, so don't you dare judge what's going here, because you have no right."

"_When it comes to Jack and Suzie's welfare, I have every right! That's my brother and sister we're talking about, remember?"_

"It's also your mother we're talking about, Annie," Mark reminded her. "If you have a problem with the way she's raising her children, maybe you ought to try talking to her about it."

"_Don't go there, Uncle Mark."_

"Annie, it's been four years. Whatever happened between the two of you, don't you think it's time you got over it? She's your mother, and quite frankly, she could really use you right now."

"_If I wanted a lecture, I would have called Evelyn, not you, Uncle Mark. Just…don't let Mom hurt Jack and Suzie, okay?"_

"Jack and Suzie will be fine, Annie. Meredith loves them, just like she loves you and Evelyn. No matter what happens in her life, she'd never do anything to hurt any one of you. You know, if you came home for Thanksgiving next week, you could…"

"_Goodbye, Uncle Mark."_

Mark started to reply, but stopped and frowned when he heard a click as Annie hung up on the other end of the line.

"If it's not one, it's the other," he muttered to himself, putting his phone in his pocket and getting to work removing the sheets covering the living room furniture. "Damn Grey women are going to be death of me."


	3. Give Them Time

**A/N: **Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed! As a reminder, if there is anything in particular you are confused on, let me know so that I can make sure to clarify in future chapters! Also, as far as the question of why so many years - that's the premise behind the story. We've been told over and over that Meredith and Derek are a fated love, destined to be together. But if one choice early on can change so much, can that love survive? Or at least have the chance to bloom again after all these years?

Also, just a reminder that things are very different here because they are AU after the first couple of episodes of the series (basically up until right before the big party Izzie threw in season one...but more on that later in this story). Some things that happened on the show may happen here, others may happen out of sequence, others may not happen at all. And relationships that were formed on the show under certain circumstances, may be completely different here. Please keep an open mind as things start to get revealed here!

Don't forget to please review and let me know what you think!

* * *

Meredith Grey sighed and slumped down on the couch in the living room of her mother's house – _her_ house, as she had to keep reminding herself lately. It had been years since she'd thought of it that way, and the cold, outdated décor did little to make the place welcoming now. Still, she'd made it into a home once, and she could only hope that she'd be able to do it again.

"You look beat."

Meredith looked up to find Lexie standing in front of her, a glass of red wine in each hand.

"Double fisting?" Meredith asked.

"Very funny." Lexie smiled and handed a glass to Meredith before taking a seat next to her. "How are the kids settling in?"

"They hate me."

"They don't hate you, Meredith. They're just adjusting, same as all of us."

"Evelyn's the only one who'll even speak to me, and that's only because she's twenty-two and doesn't have to live with us anymore, so she didn't have to move."

"Give them time, Mer."

Meredith shook her head and took a long sip of her wine. "How did I get here, Lexie?"

"Here, as in this house? Or, here as in…?"

"Just…here. I wasn't even ever supposed to live in this house. I was going to sell it as soon as Mom signed over her power of attorney to me."

"So why didn't you?"

"I was an intern, what position was I in to move out of a fully paid off house? Once George and Izzie moved in, their rent covered utilities, so I figured it couldn't hurt to stay here for my intern year and save a little money before selling the house. And then the twins came early, and between the medical bills and having to take time off, I would have been crazy to move to a place I actually had to pay for. Then the girls were both home from the NICU, and Mark moved in, and then Alex, and then you and April and Jackson…I guess this place sort of became a home while I wasn't looking."

"Then moving back here really isn't all that bad, right?"

"I don't know," Meredith admitted. "I know Mark thinks it's a terrible idea, and Jack and Suzie certainly agree with him. It's just…how did I end up in a position where three of my four kids won't even speak to me? How did I end up in a place where I couldn't even stay in the only home two of my kids have ever known, because everywhere I turned, I was reminded of my dead husband? How did I even up in a place where I _have_ a dead husband?"

Lexie sighed and shook her head. "I don't know, sweetie. Would you change it if you could? Would you go back and not move? Not get married? Not fall in love."

Meredith paused and frowned as she considered the question. "No," she finally answered. "And that's not a fair question, Lexie, and you know it. If I hadn't done all those things, Suzie and Jack wouldn't be here, and I can't imagine my life without any one of the kids, even if they aren't speaking to me right now."

"Give them some time, Meredith," Lexie said. "Trust me, they'll be back to talking up a blue streak in no time and you'll be wishing for peace and quiet again. And Annie…well, she'll come around eventually. She's got a lot going on in her life, and one of these days, she's going to need her mom."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that. She's got every reason to be mad at me, and even if she didn't, she's always been the independent one. She doesn't need me." Meredith paused again. "Um…what exactly did you mean, she's got a lot going on?"

"Oh, uh, well see, I…I mean Mark…I mean, we…"

"It's okay, Lexie, I know she calls Mark, and I always assumed she'd call you too. She calls Molly too."

"She does?"

"She also calls Cristina. Molly too, I think. I'm glad, actually. She shouldn't lose her family just because I screwed up."

"What exactly happened between the two of you four years ago?"

"Lex…"

Lexie threw up her spare hand in defeat. "I know, I know, that's between you and Annette."

"You're dodging my question, Lexie. Is this about her being pregnant?"

"You know about that?"

"Miranda told me. She thought I ought to know."

"Of course," Lexie nodded. "Do you know anything else?"

"Just that she's about eighteen weeks," Meredith said. "Is there something else I should know?"

"It's just…there were some abnormalities on her last ultrasound. They, um, did an amnio last week. They're not sure, but they think it might be cystic fibrosis."

"Oh God," Meredith sighed and set her glass down on the coffee table before burying her head in her hands. "My poor baby."

"If that test is positive, she's going to need you, Meredith."

"She knows where to find me. It's never been about me not being here, Lexie, it's about her not reaching out."

"Maybe this time she needs you to reach out to her, Meredith."

"Alexandra Caroline Sloan…"

"Okay, I know, none of my business, no need to pull out the full name. But on the plus side, I got you to stop thinking about everything else for the last five minutes."

"No offense Lex, but your distraction techniques needs some serious work."

"Duly noted." Lexie paused and looked around at the room. "You know, I think we should paint this room."

"Only if by _we_, you mean Mark and Alex paint while you and I drink beer and watch."

"Well, duh," Lexie laughed. "Remember when we last painted this place?"

"Given the fact that Suzie was born that day, yeah, I'm pretty sure I remember it…"

"_You okay, Mer?" Lexie asked as her sister winced and lowered herself into a chair in the kitchen._

"_Just some lower back pain, don't worry about me," Meredith assured her. "Side effect of being about twenty-seven months pregnant."_

"_Hey, better than the alternative," Alex Karev commented, wiping paint on his pants as he walked into the kitchen and grabbed a water bottle from the counter. "As your doctor, as far as I'm concerned, the longer you keep that kid in you, the better."_

"_I was full term three days ago, thank you very much. And you're only here for your painting ability, not to dole out medical advice."_

"_She's having a lot of back pain today," Lexie commented. "Is that normal, Alex?"_

"_Oh, for crying out loud!" Meredith exclaimed. "I'm fine, Lexie. Trust me, I know my own body, I've been through this before."_

"_Not this far, though," Alex reminded her. "You're forty weeks, Meredith, that's a full twelve weeks longer than you made it with the twins. Some things about this pregnancy are going to be different than the last."_

_Meredith smiled and placed a hand on her belly. "Everything's different about this pregnancy, Alex."_

_Alex groaned and looked at Lexie. "Is she going all hormonal sappy on me again? Because I so did not sign up for that today."_

"_Shut up, Alex," Meredith snapped before wincing suddenly and gripping the edge of her chair._

"_Back pain?" Alex asked skeptically. "Let me guess – intermittent, maybe eight to ten minutes apart?"_

"_Didn't I tell you to shut up?" Meredith groaned._

"_Sorry, out of friend mode, into doctor mode," Alex said with a grin, helping Meredith up from her chair. "Lexie, go grab the hospital bag from upstairs."_

"_Hey, Karev, you planning on coming back to finish this paint job or not?" Mark asked, walking into the kitchen as Lexie flew past him toward the stairs. "What's her hurry?"_

"_Sorry, Sloan, the paint's gonna have to wait," Alex said, wrapping an arm around Meredith's waist and leading her toward the front door._

"_Why? What's going on? Where are you two going?"_

"_The hospital, you idiot! I'm in labor!" Meredith exclaimed as she shuffled past._

"_Oh, crap! What can I do?" Mark asked frantically._

"_I've got the bag!" Lexie called out, rushing back into the room with Meredith's duffle bag slung over her shoulder._

"_Meet us at the car," Alex instructed calmly. "One of you call the hospital and let them know we're coming. And have them page Avery to meet us in labor and delivery!"_

"I still can't believe that was seventeen years ago," Meredith said wistfully.

"There's a lot of memories in this house."

"There were a lot of memories in the old house, too," Meredith said. "That was part of the problem. Everything about that place reminded me of him."

"And this house doesn't?" Lexie asked.

"Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of memories here," Meredith said. "But not all of them involve him, no."

"Well, I still think it would help if you let me redecorate. You know, sell some of this old furniture, bring in new stuff."

"What exactly do you want to get rid of?" Meredith asked.

"That kitchen table, for one," Lexie said. "It's too small, we can't fit all six of us there."

"No," Meredith shook her head vigorously. "The kitchen table stays."

"Why?"

"Because that's a good memory."

"What memory is it?"

"You don't want to know."

"Meredith, if you don't want me to sell it, you better tell me why," Lexie insisted.

Meredith shook her head. "Don't say I didn't tell you that you didn't want to know."

"Just tell me."

"Well…" Meredith hesitated for a moment. "It's where Suzie was conceived."

Lexie's brow furrowed and her jaw slowly fell open as her mind processed the implications of what Meredith had said. "Where…oh my God, Meredith! We used to eat on that thing!"

"It's not as though we didn't clean it, Lexie. It's just…we hadn't exactly told anyone about us yet, and the house was so rarely empty, that when we had the chance…we sort of didn't make it upstairs."

"I don't care what your reason was, it's still gross!" Lexie exclaimed.

"Right," Meredith nodded. "So I guess I shouldn't tell that the twins were conceived on this couch we're sitting on?"

Lexie's eyes grew wide and she jumped to her feet with surprising speed. "Meredith Grey!"

Meredith paused and stared at Lexie's expression for a moment, opening her mouth as though to defend herself, but as she watched her sister's face twist, her words were lost as she dissolved into giggles.

Lexie smiled as she watched her sister. They'd have a chat later about all the places Lexie was going to have to be certain were sterilized or discarded – and she was sure there were more she didn't want to know about – but for now, she was simply enjoying hearing her sister laugh for the first time in months.

* * *

Meredith shut the door to her room carefully behind her, mindful of the fact that the other bedrooms were much closer here than they were in her previous larger home. Flipping on the light, she quickly changed into her pajamas and took a seat on the edge of her bed.

She stared down at her lap, slowly passing her phone back and forth between her hands, hoping the action itself might somehow make her decision for her.

With a heavy sigh, she raised the device slightly and typed in the number Lexie had given her, moving quickly so as not to allow herself time to change her mind.

Five rings and straight to voicemail, just as she'd expected.

"_Hi, you've reached Annie Jones_," Meredith's daughter's voice rang out from her prerecorded message. _"I can't pick up the phone right now, but you know what to do after the beep so that I can get back to you. Have a great day!"_

Meredith took a deep breath as the tone rang out after the message. "Hi Annie, it's me…Mom. I, uh, just wanted to say hi, see how things are going. Miranda told me Will started medical school a few months ago, which is great. I…I miss you, Annie. I know you're mad at me, I know you think I betrayed you, but I wish you'd at least consider the possibility that everything I did, I did to protect you and Evelyn. That's all I've ever wanted to do, keep you and your sister safe and make sure you were happy. I know I shouldn't have lied, I see that now, but I just…at the time, it seemed like the right thing to do. I never wanted you to wonder why, that's all. Anyway, I just called because it's been so long, and I wanted you to know that no matter what, I love you, and you'll always have a place here whenever you want it."

Setting the phone on her bedside table, Meredith slipped under the covers and pulled them up close to her chin, her body shaking as she closed her eyes against the flood of tears she knew was coming, just like they did every night.


	4. Just How Knocked Up Are You?

**A/N:** Thank you again for your reviews! I love hearing from you about what parts you are enjoying, what parts you are confused about, etc. So please keep the feedback coming! We're about to get into the real meat of the story here, so I hope you enjoy! Happy New Year!

* * *

"Dr. Shepherd, here are the last of the staffing reports for the board meeting tomorrow afternoon. You'll need to review and sign them before you leave so I can get them copied in the morning."

Derek looked up and frowned at the tall blonde smiling at him from the other side of his desk, a thick stack of folders in her hands.

"Remind me again why exactly I wanted this job, Jessica?"

"Because it's what every doctor in this hospital is supposed to want, sir." Jessica shrugged as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. "You're the top of the food chain. Not just the surgical department food chain, either – the top of the whole hospital's food chain."

"Yeah, with all the paperwork and meetings that come with it. Did you know I haven't been in an OR even once since I started this job three weeks ago?"

"Do you want me to clear your schedule for that?" Jessica set the folders down on Derek's desk and whipped out her phone, quickly running her index finger across the screen. "I can get you a whole afternoon free in…um…three weeks from Tuesday?"

Derek sighed and shook his head. "I think maybe my surgical days are behind me at this point, Jessica. But I appreciate the thought."

"This may be a little out of line here, Dr. Shepherd, seeing as I've only known you the three weeks you've been in this job, but I think maybe you need a girlfriend."

Derek's brow furrowed and he stared at his assistant, trying to figure out exactly what she was implying.

"Oh God," Jessica gasped when she realized how her statement had sounded. "Not me, of course, not me. I didn't mean me, that would be inappropriate. Especially since I'm married, sir. That's definitely not what I meant. I…"

"Thank you for your concern, Jessica," Derek interrupted, holding up his hand to stop her. "Let's just go ahead and keep our personal lives outside the walls of this hospital, shall we? I don't need any sexual harassment lawsuits my first month on the job."

"Good idea, sir," Jessica nodded in relief. "Do you need anything else before I leave for the night?"

"I think that should do it for tonight."

"Alright, well, don't forget that you're having breakfast with Dr. Montgomery and the new Chief of Surgery from New York Presbyterian tomorrow morning."

"Right, thanks. Remind me what we know about him?"

"Her," Jessica corrected. "Top file on your desk, sir. It's got her resume and a copy of the press release from when she was hired last month."

"You're the best, Jess," Derek said, grabbing the folder from the stack. "What would I do without you?"

"You don't even want to know," Jessica laughed. "Don't forget that next time I'm due for a raise, either."

Derek smirked in response. "Good night, Jessica."

Jessica smiled and nodded, shutting the door behind her as she made her way out of the office.

As soon as the door was closed, Derek shoved the folder into his briefcase without opening it. He knew he ought to read it, if for no other reason than to at least learn the name of the woman he was meeting tomorrow. Somehow, though, he just couldn't bring himself to do one single bit of work more than he absolutely had to that evening.

* * *

"Good God, it is freezing out there," Cristina Yang exclaimed, slamming her front door behind her and tossing her coat in the general direction of the hall closet. "Why the hell didn't anyone warn me we were moving to the damn Arctic circle?"

A male laugh coming from the kitchen was her only response.

"You think this is funny? I'm freezing my ass off in this God-forsaken town!"

Owen Hunt laughed as his wife flopped down in a chair at the kitchen table. "You're the one who wanted to move, remember?"

"Yeah, well, it seemed like a good idea at the time," Cristina grumbled. "But the bastards interviewed me in September. They tricked me, it was not this cold in September."

"It _was_ a good idea. It still is a good idea. We'll just have to get you a warmer winter coat, that's all. And don't go acting like you're a beach baby, I've been to your Smith reunions, that place gets cold in the winter too."

"I hated the cold then, and I hate it now. Maybe we should have stayed in Miami. More old people there with bad hearts. And more sunshine. There's no sunshine in this place."

"There wasn't much sunshine in Seattle, either, but you like it there just fine."

"That's entirely different, and you know it."

"Well, I think you're forgetting that Miami had a hospital board that wouldn't know talent if it bit them in the ass, remember that? Being passed over for Chief twice ring any bells?"

"Not one of my fonder memories, thank you for bringing it up, dear," Cristina snapped sarcastically.

"I'm just saying, take it easy on New York, would you? It's got a lot going for it…not the least of which is the fact that you finally have your dream job."

"I guess," Cristina admitted.

"On a brighter note, Annie called right before you got back."

"Did her plane land alright? Are they on their way?"

Owen nodded and smiled, not missing the way Cristina's whole expression brightened just a bit at the mention of her goddaughter's name.

"She landed about forty-five minutes ago. They should be on their way as we speak." Owen hesitated for a moment before continuing. "Cristina, I still think we ought to tell Meredith that Annie is going to be here for Thanksgiving."

"Why? It's not like Meredith is going to be here."

"I know, but don't you think she'll be upset if you don't at least tell her that Annie and Will are here?"

"I didn't tell her the last time we went to visit them in Chicago, did I? She'll be fine, Owen. Meredith's a big girl, give her a little credit."

"I just think that with everything that's been going on…"

Owen didn't have a chance to finish his argument before being interrupted by the sound of the doorbell ringing.

* * *

"You get the kid to fall asleep?" Cristina asked a few hours later, motioning for Annie to take a seat next to her on the couch.

"He has a name, Cristina. You could try remembering it for once."

"I use your name. Exactly how many others do you expect me to remember?"

"Oh come on, don't play dumb. I know you're perfectly capable of remembering names if you wanted to. You're just lazy."

Cristina frowned. "I am not," she protested. "I remember the important things."

"Such as?" Annie asked skeptically.

"I remember the day you were born," Christina said. "I remember your baptism. I remember your first day of school. I remember that awful fit you threw the day your mother got married…"

"Hey! I was six years old!"

"Excuses, excuses." Cristina smiled at her goddaughter. "I also remember the day _you_ got married."

"That was only four years ago, Cristina. I'd be worried if you _didn't_ remember that day."

"Alright, be that way. You want a real blast from the past? I remember the day I found your mother was pregnant with you…"

_Cristina didn't bother to knock before barging through the front of Meredith's house, slamming the door behind her as she walked in and looked around. After watching Meredith rush out of a patient's room and into the nearest bathroom for the fourth time in as many days, she was certain she knew exactly what was going on. _

_Now she just had to get her to admit it so they could do something about it._

"_So, just how knocked up are you?"_

_Meredith looked up from the book she was reading, curled up in the corner of the couch in the living room._

"_I'm sorry, what?"_

"_You heard me," Christina said. "Either you're the world's worst doctor, or you already know that you've got a bun in the oven. And I know for a fact that, even if you aren't quite Cristina Yang caliber, you're not a half-bad doctor. Which, of course, means that you know you're pregnant."_

_Meredith stared at Cristina for a moment, her mouth half open, as she debated how to respond. "Nine weeks," she finally conceded, waiting for Cristina to do the math in her head._

"_Nine weeks. Nine weeks." Cristina repeated the words to herself, counting backward in her head until the connections finally clicked. "Damn it, Meredith, we started our internship nine weeks ago. Nine weeks ago, you were…with you-know-who…oh shit, Meredith…"_

"_Yeah, thanks, I figured that part out on my own."_

"_I've got to hand it to you, Grey, you've got a real talent for making the most complicated situations even more complicated than I thought possible."_

"_Your support is overwhelming," Meredith said sarcastically. "Is that what you came here for tonight?"_

"_No, I came to find out when we're going to the clinic," Cristina said._

"_What clinic?"_

"_The clinic where they'll get rid of the career-killing parasite. Duh. What other clinic would I be talking about?"_

"_I'm not sure. I was actually thinking, maybe no clinic at all."_

"_You want to do it at the hospital?" Cristina frowned but shrugged. "Okay, it's your call, but you know how gossip works in that place, Meredith. It'll be a lot easier to keep people from talking if you go to a clinic."_

"_That's actually not what I meant," Meredith said hesitantly. "I, um, I kind of meant more that I'm thinking I'm not getting rid of the career-killing parasite."_

"_You have got to be kidding me." Cristina groaned as she flopped down in a chair. "You're going to transfer out and leave me with Barbie, Bambi and Evil Spawn? Good God, why don't you just bring in Larry, Moe and Curly while you're at it? That's just cruel, Meredith. I'll go insane."_

"_No, that's not…" Meredith began._

"_Where are you going to go, anyway?" Cristina interrupted. "Obstetrics? Dermatology? Geriatrics, maybe?"_

"_I'm not transferring, Cristina," Meredith said._

"_Oh, so we are getting rid of the career-killing parasite," Cristina said, relief in her voice._

"_No, I'm not doing that either," Meredith said._

"_I hate to point out the obvious, but are you insane?" Cristina asked. "You know as well as I do that you cannot be a surgeon and a mother, especially not a single mother."_

"_Well, I'm going to," Meredith said._

"_You've lost your mind," Cristina said. "Tomorrow, I'm taking you for a psych consult."_

"_Cristina, I know it's not going to be easy," Meredith said. "But my mother did it, and I turned out…well, not completely screwed up."_

"_You really think you can do this?" Cristina asked._

"_I have no idea," Meredith said. "But I've been thinking about it for almost three weeks now, and I think I have to try. If I don't, I'll regret it for the rest of my life. Maybe I'll fail, maybe I'll have to give up surgery to be a good mother, but I want to try first."_

"_What about…well, you-know-who? The jackass with a wife?" Cristina asked._

"_I'm trying to reach him," Meredith said. "Not successfully, so far, but I'm trying. If he wants to be involved, I'll let him, as much as he wants, because I do want my baby to grow up with two parents. But if he doesn't want anything to do with it, I won't force him."_

"_Are you going to tell people that he's the father?" Cristina asked._

"_Parading around the hospital, announcing that I'm carrying my ex-boss' baby?" Meredith asked skeptically. "I'm pretty sure that would be career suicide."_

"_Good point," Cristina nodded, pausing for a moment before easing herself out of the chair and motioning for Meredith to stand up. "Alright, get up."_

"_Why?" Meredith asked in confusion._

"_We need to unpack these boxes. If we're going to do this thing, you've got to have a house that looks like someone actually lives in it," Cristina said. "You bring a kid into a place like this and it really will be screwed up for life."_

"…And more importantly than that," Cristina continued. "I remember the day your mother found out that there were two of you in there. Oh man, did she ever flip her lid on that one…I thought she was going to have a nervous breakdown right then and there."

"I can't even imagine what I'd do if the doctors were to tell me I was having twins."

"You'd freak out, just like she did," Cristina said. "But unlike your mother, you'd have a husband there to comfort you, tell you it was going to be okay. All your mother had was me, George, Alex, and Izzie. I think I told her to shut up and take the emotional crap to someone else. Alex probably said something close to what I said. And Izzie was just so damn perky, she probably thought it was the best news of the year. George was probably the only one who had a halfway appropriate reaction."

"I wish I could remember George," Annie said. "I think I would have liked him."

"Nah, you would have hated him. I didn't call him Bambi for nothing, you know. He was more Evelyn's type, that's why he was her godfather, I guess." Cristina paused for a moment, and noted the way Annie was frowning at her. "Okay, fine, you would have adored him. How can you not like the idiot who'd throw himself in front of a bus for a woman he'd never even met?"

"Can I tell you a secret, Cristina? Something you can't tell Mom…or Evelyn?"

"Um…okay," Cristina said hesitantly, surprised by the sudden change in the conversation.

"I haven't even told Will this, so you have to be really sure you're not going to tell anyone."

"I promise."

"I mean, really, really sure…"

"Annette Cristina Jones, would you just spit it out already?"

"I didn't come to New York to see you," Annie blurted out. "And I didn't come so Josh could see the parade, either."

"Then why exactly are you here?"

"To meet my father."


	5. Enough For Me Today

Derek glanced at the folder he'd tossed haphazardly on his coffee table, taking another sip of his coffee and leaning back against the cushions of the overstuffed sofa. Reaching for the remote on the side table, he clicked a button and watched as the curtains rose on the floor-to-ceiling windows across the room.

The windows had been the main selling point for this apartment when he'd bought it almost a decade ago. Derek himself had never had the desire to own a penthouse apartment, even once he'd become more than capable of affording it. In fact, he had balked at the idea when his sister had first suggested he look at one. What use did he have for three bedrooms? For two and a half bathrooms? For a living room bigger than many New Yorkers' apartments?

But Megan had just been starting out in real estate, and in the competitive New York market, she'd needed one big sale to get her in the door. So Derek had agreed to look, and by the end of the first week, no one was more surprised than he was when he'd agreed to sign on the dotted line.

It was really the only part of the apartment that held any appeal for him at this point. It was too big, too cold in the winter, too hot in the summer…the only thing that kept him there was the slight sense of peace he got sitting there each morning, watching the sun rise over Manhattan. That, and he never could seem to find the time it would take to sell the place, especially since Megan's interest in real estate had faded almost as quickly as a nightly sunset.

Looking away from the windows and back down to his coffee table, Derek flipped open the folder and skimmed through the press release. As he did, he was grateful he was already sitting down, or he might have shown up to breakfast that morning sporting a few difficult-to-explain bruises from falling over in shock.

_The Board of Trustees of New York Presbyterian Hospital is pleased announce that they have selected Dr. Cristina Yang to serve as the hospital's Chief of Surgery, effective November 1. Dr. Yang will replace Dr. Harold Levinson, who is retiring after nearly twenty years as the hospital's top surgeon._

_Dr. Yang comes to New York after spending the past eleven years leading a nationally renowned cardiothoracic team at Miami-Dade General Hospital. Prior to that, Dr. Yang held an attending position at Seattle Grace-Mercy West Hospital for nearly five years. During her tenure at SGMW, Dr. Yang was instrumental in the founding of the George O'Malley Cardiac Care Unit, which currently ranks as the number one cardiac care center in the country._

_Dr. Yang also completed her residency and fellowship years at SGMW. In fact, Dr. Yang is a member of that institution's so-called "golden decade," during which it produced some of the most well-known names in medicine today, from Miranda Bailey and Callie Torres-Robbins to Alexandra Sloan and Meredith Grey, to name only a few._

* * *

The first thing Cristina did after fixing herself a cup of coffee that morning was call the restaurant and leave a message canceling her breakfast meeting. There was just no way she could sit there across the table from Addison Montgomery and Derek Shepherd and act like everything was normal, not today.

Almost as soon as she'd hung up with that phone call, she slipped on her heavy overcoat and grabbed her coffee mug, tip-toeing quietly out onto the front steps of her brownstone. Taking a seat on the top step, she noticed her hands shaking as she dialed the next number in her phone, and she knew it wasn't just from the cold.

"We need to talk."

A muffled groan was all that greeted her on the other end of the phone line.

"Are you there? This is important."

"_Are you bleeding and/or dying?"_

"No, but…"

"_Are any of my children bleeding and/or dying?"_

"Not that I know of."

"_Then call back when it's not 3:47 in the goddamn morning."_

"Meredith, this is…" Cristina sighed when she heard a click and pulled the phone away from her ear to see 'call ended' flashing on the screen. Shaking her head, she immediately hit redial and pressed it back to her ear.

"_What?"_

"First, it's rude to hang up on your friend. Second, you're supposed to ask if anyone is bleeding, dying or _dead_. You forgot the last part."

"_No, I didn't. Dead is not an acceptable emergency for waking me up. Bleeding or dying, those I might be able to fix. There's nothing I can do about dead. If someone is dead now, they'll be just as dead at a reasonable hour of the morning."_

"I can't believe I'm about to say this, but you might have a point."

"_Of course I do. What I'm wondering is if this phone call has a point. Because if it does, you have exactly ten seconds to make it before I hang up on you again."_

"I think Annie might know who her father is."

_"You called me in the middle of the night to tell me that?"_

"It's not the middle of the night here, it's almost seven o'clock in the morning. And yes, that's why I called, because this is a big freaking deal, Meredith." Cristina paused and frowned. "Why are you not freaking out?"

"_This isn't exactly breaking news, Cristina." Meredith sighed audibly on the other end of the phone. "Annie's known who her father is for the last four years. Why do you think she stopped speaking to me?"_

"Wait, Annie's known for _four_ years? Four years, and I'm just now finding out that she knows?"

"_There was some mix-up when she applied for her marriage license, so she had to go the County Recorder and get a copy of her birth certificate before they'd give her the license."_

"How would that…oh, Meredith, no. Meredith." Cristina leaned forward and rested her forehead on her palm. "For the love of all things holy, please tell me that you were not stupid enough to put his name on their birth certificates!"

"_Well, I…"_

"Why the hell would you do something so absurdly stupid?"

"_Cristina, you were there. You know I never intended for them to not know their father. I wanted him to be a part of their lives."_

"Yeah, yeah, I remember. You and your stupid sentimental family bullshit. You were going to ruin your career for that bastard."

"_Cristina!"_

"What? You know as well as I do that if it had come out that you'd had a baby with an attending, that would have been it. Bye-bye surgery career. You know how the old boys' club is, even today."

"_And I've told you over and over again, I didn't care and I still don't care. I love my career, but I love my girls more, and I never wanted them to grow up without a father like I did."_

"You're a sap."

"_And you're an emotionally stunted bitch. I thought we established this twenty years ago?"_

"You're cranky today."

"_It's now barely four in the morning, Cristina. It's hardly even today yet, and you're waking me up and trying to get me to freak out. Damn straight I'm going to be cranky."_

"Fine, be cranky. What are we going to do?"

"_About what?"_

"About what? About Annie!"

"_Nothing."_

"What do you mean, nothing? You're just going to let her contact him?"

"_Cristina, she's twenty-two years old. I can't protect her anymore. If she wants to meet him, that's her call. I'm honestly surprised that she didn't do this the moment she found out four years ago. And who knows, maybe he's changed his mind in the last twenty-two years."_

"Oh God, I'm hanging up before you start in on that old crap about how he's not a bad guy, he was just worried about his marriage, blah blah blah…this would be so much easier if you'd just hate the guy like a normal, self-respecting woman."

* * *

Addison smiled and stood up as Derek approached the small table at the back of the restaurant.

"You're late."

"Clearly not." Derek kissed Addison on the cheek and they both took a seat. "Dr. Yang isn't here yet."

"She's not coming."

"Why not?"

"She left a message with the hostess. Something about a family emergency."

"Well, that's too bad." Derek scooted his chair away from the table. "I guess I'll see you back at the hospital then."

"Not so fast." Addison shook her head and motioned for him to sit down again. "Sit. We're having breakfast."

Derek sighed and took a seat. "I do have paperwork I could be doing, you know."

"And you think I don't?" Addison smirked slightly. "You're the one who left me with a stack of unfinished surgical reports to review."

"At least they're surgical. I'm dealing with dermatology staffing reports and oncology grants and…"

"And you love being in charge, admit it."

Derek frowned. "Okay, maybe just a little bit. But that doesn't mean I love paperwork."

Addison smiled and nodded. "So, just how disappointed are you that Dr. Yang couldn't join us?"

"What do you mean?"

"Oh come on, Derek. I'm not stupid. I know she did her residency at Seattle Grace, and I did the math. She was an intern in 2005."

"Addison," Derek groaned.

"You were in Seattle in 2005."

"There were almost two dozen interns at Seattle Grace in 2005, Addison."

"Only six women out of twenty," Addison pointed out.

"How do you know that?"

"I called Richard a few years ago, when I was out in Seattle for Ryan's surgery, and had him give me a list. I've crossed off half the names over the years, so I'm just left with three."

"How?"

"Well, I met one at a conference about five years ago. Turns out she was married when she started her internship, and I knew after everything that had happened, you certainly wouldn't have chosen a married woman."

"I suppose I should thank you for giving me at least that much credit. How did you knock off the other two?"

Addison smiled and pulled a wrinkled piece of paper from her purse. "Let's see," she said as she unfolded it. "Laura Miller turns out to be a lesbian. Alisa Gregory became quite the successful general surgeon, but she died of cancer two years ago. I mentioned it to you then and you didn't even flinch."

"I should have figured you'd do something like this. Being married to a cop seems to have rubbed off on you."

"I just thought maybe I could help if I figured out who it was." Addison shrugged nonchalantly but watched Derek's face very closely as she continued. "That just leaves us with Cristina Yang, Isobel Stevens and Meredith Grey."

"Don't look at me like that. I'm not telling you anything."

"You already did. You forget that you've never had a good poker face with me, Derek. So, it's not Cristina Yang. Tell me about Isobel Stevens."

"This is ridiculous, Addison."

"Talk to me, or I'll call Megan and tell her I know who your intern is."

"Fine," Derek grumbled. "I don't really know much about Dr. Stevens. Tall, blonde, used to be a lingerie model from what I gathered back then. I only interacted with her a few times when I was working in Seattle. She was overeager, but meant well."

"And after you left Seattle?"

"I really don't know. I guess she must have dropped from the program at some point, since she's never really mentioned with the others from that intern class. So, did my poker face tell you anything?"

"Yes, actually. And I'm surprised."

"Why?"

"I've seen pictures. If you were going to have a rebound, I would have guessed that you would have gone for Dr. Stevens' type, not Meredith Grey's."

"You don't know anything about Meredith," Derek snapped defensively.

Addison smiled broadly. "Well, now I know that you think you're still in love with her. That's enough for me today."


	6. Only So Much

Meredith took a long sip of her coffee and tossed another completed chart into a pile on the corner of her desk. Setting down her mug, she glanced up again at the clock on the wall before turning back to her charts.

"That clock is not gonna move any faster just because you're staring at it."

Meredith shook her head, but didn't need to look up from the next chart to recognize the voice of the woman in her doorway.

"I'm not trying to get it to move faster, Miranda," she said. "Actually, if I could do either, I'd prefer it move a little slower today."

"More time before she goes to see him?"

"You know?"

"Of course I know." Miranda took a seat on the couch across from Meredith's desk. "The minute Will told me they were going to New York for Thanksgiving I knew. No way was that girl of yours going all the way to New York if it wasn't to see that man."

"It's already almost eleven in New York," Meredith observed. "She's probably on her way to his office right now."

"Bastard's gonna break her heart," Miranda muttered.

"You don't know that," Meredith protested defensively. "It's been twenty-three years, Miranda. Maybe he's changed his mind. Maybe once he sees her, he'll feel differently."

"Sure, maybe. And maybe I'm a five-foot-ten supermodel. Since when are you an optimist, anyway?"

"I have to be, Miranda. I don't have a choice."

"Sure you do. Hate his guts. Think of him as a no-good, selfish bastard."

"I can't. If I hate him…if I think those things about him, then I have to acknowledge that my little girl is about to get her heart broken," Meredith said tearfully. "You don't know what that pain feels like, Miranda – knowing that your own father doesn't want you, that he'd rather you didn't exist. I know that pain, and I swore that I was going to do everything in my power to keep Annie and Evelyn from ever experiencing it. So I can't think of him as the selfish bastard right now, because if I do, then I have to think about the fact that I failed her."

"Don't you dare even think that. Meredith, you did an amazing job with those girls. Don't you ever think that you failed them, because nothing could be further from the truth."

"I'm supposed to protect her, Miranda. I didn't do that."

"Meredith, there's only so much we can do as mothers. We can't bubble wrap our kids and stick them in padded rooms, as much as we might want to sometimes. You've got to let her figure this out on her own, even if she gets hurt along the way. You've been doing everything in your power to do right by those girls, even before they were born…"

"_Grey, what exactly do you think you're doing?" Miranda Bailey snapped as she walked into the conference room where Meredith was sitting, bent over a single sheet of paper._

"_Um…just working on some charts, Dr. Bailey." Meredith quickly slipped the piece of paper underneath the nearest chart. "Updating charts, just like you told me to."_

"_You're a terrible liar, Grey," Bailey said, quickly walking over and grabbing the letter out from underneath the stack of charts. Looking down at it, she let out a low whistle as she realized exactly what she was holding. "You've got some serious explaining to do, missy."_

"_I'm just…I was trying to reach the twins' father," Meredith admitted, wondering how much Dr. Bailey had been able to discern from the portion of the letter she'd written so far._

_Bailey sighed and shook her head. "Oh, for the love of God, Meredith Grey. Please tell me that you are not carrying Derek Shepherd's children."_

_Meredith choked back a sob, feeling the tears welling up in her eyes. "I didn't know who he was, Dr. Bailey, I swear I didn't. It was before I started working here. I had no idea who he was, you have to believe me. If I had known, it never would happened. He was just a guy in a bar."_

"_And after you found out who he was?"_

_Meredith hung her head, unable to look at her mentor. "He flirted a lot. I tried to tell him no, but…I don't know what I was thinking. It was only a few weeks, then he went back to his wife." Meredith paused for a moment as she thought about what she had just said. "I didn't know about her until much later, I swear."_

"_Well, you certainly have gotten yourself into a bit of a pickle now, haven't you?" Dr. Bailey commented as she eased herself into a chair across the table from Meredith. "And what exactly does Dr. Shepherd think of the fact that he's going to be a father in a few months' time?"_

"_I don't know."_

"_Have you told him?"_

"_I've tried. I probably left fifty messages on his cell phone when I first found out, but a few weeks ago, I started getting a recording that the number had been disconnected. My emails are bouncing back, too, so all I can do is write that letter. I don't even have an address to send it to in New York, but if I have to, I'll send it to every Shepherd on the east coast until someone tells me where to find him."_

"_Are you sure you even want him to know? You do realize that if it gets out that you had an affair with your married superior, it won't matter that you didn't know who he was. Your career, which is already in serious jeopardy because of those two babies, will almost certainly be ruined."_

"_My parents divorced when I was five, Dr. Bailey. I saw my father once after the divorce, right before my mother moved us to Boston. My father walked away from me and never looked back. I'm not going to force Derek to be a part of their lives if he doesn't want to be, but I don't want my babies to grow up without a father, not if there might be a man out there who wants the job."_

"_Grey, you tell anybody I said what I'm about to say and your grandchildren will be in medical school before you see the inside of an operating room again, got it?" Bailey waited for Meredith to nod before continuing. "You've got a lot of guts, Grey, and I admire that about you. You've got a tough road ahead of you, juggling two babies alone and trying to complete a surgical residency. You're going to need to be ten times tougher than anyone else in this program just to get by, but I think you'll manage just fine, with or without that brainless brain surgeon."_

"_Wow. I don't know what to say…I really appreciate that, Dr. Bailey."_

"_Yeah, well, maybe my own pregnancy's making me soft." Bailey rubbed her hand over her own swollen stomach as she slowly stood up. "Now go on, get those charts back to the nurses' station. I'm sure we can find you a surgery to scrub in on somewhere around this place."_

"_Thank you, Dr. Bailey," Meredith said, quickly standing up and reaching for the charts. As she picked up the first one, a sudden pain in her abdomen caused her to drop it and grasp the edge of the table for support._

"_Grey?"_

"_I'm fine," Meredith said, forcing herself to smile slightly. "Just a little discomfort, that's…"_

_Meredith never had the chance to finish her sentence as another more powerful pain ripped through her abdomen, causing her to cry out in pain and drop to her knees._

"_I need some help in here!" Bailey shouted out the door into the hallway before rushing to Meredith's side. "Meredith, breathe for me. In, out…nice and slow, Meredith, just breathe for me, okay?"_

"_It's…it's too soon," Meredith whispered, tears filling her eyes. "I'm not even 26 weeks…it's too early…they won't make it, Dr. Bailey…"_

"_Just stay calm, Meredith," Bailey tried to assure her, grasping her hand tightly as two nurses began helping Meredith into a wheelchair to transport her to an exam room. Turning to the door, she saw a small group had gathered already. "Don't you people have work to do? Someone be useful and go page OB!"_

* * *

"Um, Dr. Shepherd?"

Derek looked up from his paperwork and nodded at his assistant. "What do you need, Jessica?"

"There's a, uh, young woman here to see you."

Derek frowned at the hesitation in her voice. "Did I forget an appointment?"

"No, she doesn't have one."

"Alright, well, I've got a lot to do before the board meeting this afternoon. Have her make an appointment in a few days and come back then."

"Okay, but…um…"

"What is it, Jessica?"

"It's just, well, she says she's your daughter, sir."

Derek shook his head. "I don't have a daughter, Jessica."

"Right, see, I know that. Except…well, Dr. Shepherd, she looks like you. I mean, not completely, she's blonde, but…"

"Jessica, I do _not_ have a daughter."

"Then do you want me to call security?"

"Does she look dangerous?"

"No."

Derek sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "Then you might as well her in. I'll send her down to psych if I need to."

"Okay."

Derek closed the folder in front of him and put it into the pile on the corner of his desk. Leaning back in his chair, he frowned when the door opened and a strikingly familiar-looking young woman walked in.

For a moment, the two simply stared at one another. She nervously twirled a strand of her dirty blonde curls around her finger, her other hand resting on her rounded stomach.

Eventually, it was Derek who spoke first. "So, my assistant seems to think that you told her that you were my daughter."

"I did."

Derek nodded. "And I assume you did that because you wanted her to let you in to see me even though you didn't have an appointment."

"Sort of."

"So why are you really here, Ms…?"

"Oh, um, Annie Jones."

"Well, Ms. Jones, what can I really do for you today?"

"Oh, no, see, I did tell her that so that she'd let me in…" Annie paused for a moment, nervously biting her lower lip as she took a deep breath. "But it is why I'm here, too. I know this probably sounds crazy, but you are my father."

"Have a seat, Ms. Jones," Derek said calmly, offering her a sympathetic but disbelieving smile. "Now, what exactly makes you think that I'm your father?"

"Because that's what it says on my birth certificate."

"I'm sorry to have to break it to you, Ms. Jones, but I think you've found the wrong Derek Shepherd."

"No, you're definitely the right one," Annie assured him. "Even if my mom hadn't told me so…I kind of look like you, don't I? And my sister Evelyn, she looks _exactly_ like you – same eyes, same hair, same skin, everything."

"Ms. Jones, I'll admit there are some physical similarities between us, but that's not uncommon. I don't know what sort of lies your mother told you, but there is no way that you're my daughter."

"Like I said, I know it sounds crazy, but if you'll just let me explain…"

"I don't think there's anything to explain, Ms. Jones," Derek interrupted. "You're what, twenty-five? Twenty-six?"

"Twenty-two," Annie said. "Twenty-three in January."

"Hmm," Derek nodded, his mind quickly counting backward. "Ms. Jones, I don't know what sort of extortion scheme you and your mother are trying to run on me, but you picked the wrong target."

"Extortion? What are you talking about?"

"I understand I might seem like a good target, but you made one major error in your calculations."

"Oh?"

"Twenty-three years ago, my first wife and I were still happily married. There's no way I could have a child your age."

"But my mother…"

"Ms. Jones, I know it's not always easy to find out that our parents aren't truthful, but trust me, your mother is lying to you. You are _not_ my daughter, so either your mother is a liar, or you're trying to extort money from me. Either way, you're wasting my time."

"No, you don't understand, I…"

"I have a meeting to get to, Ms. Jones." Derek reached down, grabbing his briefcase and standing up. "I'll make sure Jessica sees you out."

Derek nodded tersely as he passed Annie, who was standing dumbfounded in front of his desk.

"Are you okay?"

Annie stared at Jessica for a moment, shaking her head as the tears began to fall from her eyes. Grabbing her purse and slinging it over her shoulder, she muttered a quick goodbye and hurried out of the room before she broke down completely.


	7. Derek's Intern

**A/N:** Thank you all so much for the positive response to the last chapter! I know there are a lot of questions about Derek's behavior, and this chapter will probably only raise more questions...just be patient, all will be revealed in good time!

* * *

Addison sighed as she hung her coat in the entryway of her brownstone and made her way immediately up the stairs toward the bedroom. She stopped briefly in front of her daughter's room, pushing open the door just enough to make sure the thirteen year old was sound asleep.

"You missed her by about twenty minutes."

Addison quietly shut the door and turned to see her husband standing just down the hall in the doorway of their bedroom.

"I'm sorry. The board meeting ran late."

"She understands." Ryan Marshall stepped back to let his wife into the bedroom before closing the door behind them. "I think she's excited about the fact that we're _both_ actually off for Thanksgiving tomorrow, though. Did you talk to Derek about coming?"

"He said he'd try." Addison shook her head and grabbed her pajamas from the dresser. "I wouldn't hold my breath, though. He's mad at me right now."

"Why?"

"You know that intern he fell in love with back in Seattle?"

"Yeah."

"I finally found out her name today, and he is _not_ happy that I know. I think he thinks I might try to do something about it."

"Won't you? Ever since the two of you started talking again after the divorce, you've been telling him to go after her, to at least try. Knowing her name doesn't change anything."

"It changes everything, Ryan."

"How's that?"

"Because Derek's intern is Meredith Grey."

"No way." Ryan shook his head in shock. "Neurosurgeon Meredith Grey? You're sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure."

"So why does this change everything?"

"Are you kidding? Maybe you don't remember the same Meredith Grey that I do..."

"_Mr. and Mrs. Marshall?" Meredith smiled as she set a chart down at the end of the hospital bed and extended her hand to Addison first. "I'm Dr. Grey, I'll be performing the surgery tomorrow morning."_

"_Ryan Marshall. I'd shake your hand, but this arm doesn't seem to want to play these days."_

"_Well, that's why we're here," Meredith said. "And you must be Mrs. Marshall?"_

"_Addison Montgomery." Addison extended her hand for Meredith to shake._

"_It's a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Montgomery."_

"_Oh, it's actually Dr. Montgomery." Addison paused and shook her head. "I guess that's not really important here, is it? I'm so far out of my specialty here, I might as well not even be a doctor."_

"_I know the feeling," Meredith said, offering Addison a reassuring smile. "I don't know how much you've been told about the procedure we'll be doing tomorrow, but I'd be happy to walk both of you through as much or as little of it as you'd like."_

"_I've seen so many doctors in the last two months, I don't know who told me what," Ryan said. "I didn't even there were that many neurosurgeons in the New York metro area. I'm a cop, Dr. Grey, none of this medical mumbo-jumbo makes any sense to me at all. Maybe you could give it to me in baby terms?"_

"_I can do that." Meredith nodded. "Basically, what we're going to be doing tomorrow is taking a virus and injecting it into your tumor."_

"_A live virus?" Addison asked skeptically._

"_Yes, a live virus. We'll be injecting the virus into two sites on the tumor. I have a very skilled colleague who has been working on this procedure with me from the beginning. Tomorrow, we'll be timing our movements so that the virus reaches both sites at exactly the same time. If everything goes according to plan, the virus will then latch onto the tumor and begin to destroy it."_

"_This is still experimental, though, right?" Addison asked nervously. "You hope that will happen, but there's a risk it won't?"_

"_This is still a clinical trial, Dr. Montgomery," Meredith reminded her. "I'll be honest with you, there is some risk here. We've had thirteen patients who have been through this procedure to date, and only our most recent patient has survived. It's a lot to consider, so if you two want more time to decide…"_

"_No," Ryan said quickly. "I want the surgery."_

"_Ryan, one in thirteen," Addison pointed out. "Are you sure about this?"_

"_If I don't do this, I die, Addison."_

"_You could die doing this, though. What about the time we could have had?"_

_Ryan shook his head. "I don't want that time, Addie."_

"_What?" Addison was both hurt and surprised by his admission._

"_I love you, but I don't want a few weeks hooked to up machines in a stupid hospital room."_

"_What do you want then? To die on an operating table?"_

"_Damn it, Addie, I want what we planned on," Ryan insisted, placing his good hand on Addison's slightly rounded stomach. "I want to hold your hand when we hear our daughter's first cry. I want to see her take her first steps and be there to tell you it's going to be okay when you cry on her first day of school. I want to threaten her boyfriends and walk her down the aisle when she get married. I want to dance with you at her wedding and I want to spoil our grandkids and tease you about the gray in your hair."_

_Addison clamped her hand over her mouth as she started to sob._

"_I don't want to die on the operating table, Addie, but if I don't have this surgery, I'll be dead before she's born anyway. And if our little girl has to grow up without a father, I don't want you to have to tell her that I wasted away in a hospital bed. I want you to be able to tell her that her daddy died fighting for a lifetime with the two of you."_

_Addison nodded tearfully and looked up at Meredith, who was fighting back tears of her own. "Schedule the surgery, Dr. Grey."_

* * *

"_Shouldn't he be awake by now?" Addison asked nervously as she sat at Ryan's bedside the next evening. "I just talked to my ex-husband – he's a neurosurgeon – and he said it shouldn't take this long, he'd expect Ryan to be awake by now."_

_Meredith shook her head. "With all due respect to your ex-husband, Dr. Montgomery, he's not familiar with this procedure. It's extremely taxing to the brain, so I wouldn't worry just yet about your husband not being awake."_

"_How can you be so sure?" Addison asked. "You're the one who told us this has only worked once before."_

_Meredith hesitated for a moment, but eventually smiled and motioned for Addison to follow her. "Come with me."_

_The two women made their way down the hall for a few minutes until Meredith turned and led Addison into the imaging room._

"_Technically, you're not supposed to be in here," Meredith said, pulling two scans from the files and placing them in front of the lighted glass. "But you're a doctor, so I'm assuming you'll be able to see the difference between these two CT scans."_

"_Is that…are those Ryan's scans?" Addison took a step closer, carefully examining the two films._

_Meredith nodded, grabbing a ruler and holding it up to the first scan. "This is your husband's tumor last night. And this…" Meredith moved the ruler to the second scan. "This is the scan we did about an hour ago."_

"_Oh my God." Addison gasped and clasped a hand to her mouth as she began to smile. "It's shrinking. The surgery worked?"_

"_Everything went exactly as we'd hoped," Meredith said. "He's not out of the woods yet, as you know. But I'd say we have every reason to be cautiously optimistic at this point."_

"_Thank you."_

_Meredith shook her head as she turned off the light and led Addison back down the hall toward Ryan's room. "I was just doing my job, Dr. Montgomery."_

"_You know, I must give that line to my patients' families a dozen times a month," Addison said. "It doesn't seem to matter when you're on this side. Even if it is your job, my husband has a chance that he didn't have two weeks ago, and that's because of you."_

"_Well, I'm glad I was able to help," Meredith said, shifting her weight uncomfortably, looking for something to change the subject to. "Do you mind if I ask how far along you are?"_

"_Seven months," Addison said with a smile. "We, uh, actually did things a little backwards. We've only been married about four months."_

"_Hey, there'll be a ring on your finger when you give birth," Meredith pointed out. "If that's still doing things backwards, then I guess I've got big problems."_

"_Oh?" Addison's eyes immediately darted to the gold band on Meredith's left hand._

_Meredith smiled and twirled the ring around her finger. "It'll be three years coming up in June," she said. "Our daughter turned four last week, and I have nine year old twins."_

"_Nine years old? You must have been, what? A second year resident when they were born?"_

"_Actually, I was an intern."_

"_Wow." Addison let out a low whistle. "Twins as an intern. I could barely manage a husband as an intern, let alone two babies. Their father must have been around a lot to help out." _

"_I had my friends," Meredith said. "I've never felt comfortable saying that I was a single mother, because I was never really doing it alone."_

"_But their father wasn't around much?"_

"_He made it quite clear to me that he didn't want anything to do with me, or with them," Meredith said. "So I respected his wishes. It wasn't easy, of course, but in the end, it all worked out alright for my girls. We're actually looking into having my husband adopt them now, just in case something were to happen to me."_

"You don't think…"

"What?" Addison asked in confusion.

"Nothing…it's just…" Ryan hesitated for a moment. "Okay, think about it…Derek's intern gave birth during her _intern_ year?"

"You can't think…" Addison shook her head. "That's got to be a coincidence."

"I don't know…you know I don't really believe in coincidences."

"Meredith told me the twins' father didn't want them," Addison said. "I don't care what was going on in his life, Derek would never, ever say that. He _always_ wanted to be a father, and you know he's the kind of guy who would step up no matter what. It has to be a coincidence, Ryan…there's no way in hell Derek would have ever walked away from his kids."

* * *

Meredith picked up her phone and stared at the blank screen, sighing and put it back on the table again.

"You could just call, you know."

Meredith shook her head and smiled. "You know I'm not going to do that, Evie."

"Just thought I'd put it out there." Evelyn shrugged and grabbed a soda from the refrigerator before taking a seat across the table from Meredith. "Who are you expecting to call, anyway? Cristina or Annie?"

"You know?"

"About Annie's ridiculous idea that she's going to have some sort of grand reunion with this Derek person? Yeah, I know. I think it's beyond stupid."

"I never understood how the two of you could be so completely different about this whole thing. You'd think you'd grown up with completely different families or something."

"You know Annie's always been too curious for her own good," Evelyn said. "She asks too many questions and then she shuts down when she doesn't like the answers."

"I'm still surprised you haven't asked any questions at all."

Evelyn shrugged. "I didn't need to. I know the relationship you had with Thatcher when you were growing up."

"What does my father have to do with this?"

"I guess I just made an assumption that if you did actually know who our biological father was, you wouldn't have kept us from him without at least telling him about us. Was I wrong?"

Meredith shook her head.

"Then that's all I need to know to know that I don't care like Annie does. Actions speak louder than words, Mom. I don't really want to even bother looking for someone who wasn't here. You always told us that there was more to family than DNA, and that's what I choose to believe."

"I didn't know you girls actually listened to me," Meredith said with a laugh.

"Only on occasion, but yes," Evelyn smiled.

Meredith shook her head and smiled, freezing when her phone began to ring.

"You better pick it up," Evelyn said.

"It's Cristina."

"Pick it up, Mom."

Meredith sighed and nodded. "Hello?"

"_We got damn lucky today."_

"What do you mean? How did it go with Derek?"

"_She said he wasn't there."_

"He wasn't there?" Meredith didn't bother to disguise the relief in her voice. "Is she going back tomorrow?"

"_She says he's on vacation for the holidays. He won't be back until she's already back in Chicago with Will and Josh."_

"So what's her plan for seeing him again? Is she coming back some other time? Or has she not talked about that yet?"

"_Well, I asked that. Get this…she said maybe it just wasn't meant to be. She's going to think about it, but I got the impression that maybe she was starting to see this might not be such a brilliant idea after all."_

"Really?"

"_Yeah. Go figure, right?"_

"Right."

"_Listen, I'll call you tomorrow so you can have an excuse to leave the room when Molly and Lexie goes all psycho-Thanksgiving on your kitchen. Right now, I gotta go, Annie's on the phone and the kid's hungry…I want to give him ice cream or candy or something else she won't let him have before she comes out to feed him."_

"You're terrible, you know that?"

"_No, I'm fabulous, and I'm loads of fun."_

"Whatever you say."

"_Later."_

"Bye, Cristina." Meredith frowned and set the phone back on the table.

"You should really look happier if she's not going to see him after all."

"How do you know that?" Meredith asked in confusion.

Evelyn rolled her eyes. "Mom, you have the volume cranked up high enough on that thing that I could hear everything Cristina said. Don't worry, lots of old people do that."

"I am _not_ old, Evelyn."

"Mom, you're going to be fifty next year. That's old."

"Someone is so not getting anything for Christmas this year."

"You're threatening my Christmas presents?" Evelyn laughed. "What am I, five years old?"

Meredith glared at her daughter.

"Okay, fine." Evelyn threw her hands up in defeat. "You are not old."

"That's better."

"Now, why are you not happy about Annie changing her mind?"

"Because it's Annie, that's why. She just doesn't do that. She's tenacious, she's stubborn, she's…"

"…A pain in the ass?" Evelyn filled in.

"Sometimes, yes…but then, so are you sometimes."

"I'm hurt."

"Get over it." Meredith rolled her eyes at her daughter. "My point is, with something that Annie wants this much, what are the odds she'd give up on it just because he was on vacation today?"

Evelyn frowned. "She wouldn't. So what does that mean?"

"I don't know." Meredith sighed and shook her head. "Whatever happened, though, I have a bad feeling about it."


	8. Unexpected Visitors

**A/N: **Thank you so much for the reviews - I love hearing from you all, so keep it coming! Sorry that this update is a little later than usual - lots of real life drama has hindered my writing just a bit. This chapter is a bit shorter, but has some big moments in it. Please enjoy!

* * *

"Morning, Derek." Addison hesitated slightly as she approached the nurses' station on the surgical floor. He'd been carefully avoiding her ever since their breakfast a few days earlier, and she wasn't sure whether he was going to bolt at the first opportunity now.

Derek nodded and glanced up from the chart he was studying. "Addison."

"We missed you at Thanksgiving dinner."

Derek shrugged. "We were short-staffed. I was in surgery."

"Too bad. Ryan didn't even burn anything down this year."

"You're never going to let him forget that year, are you?"

Addison grinned and shook her head. "Hey, if he was stupid enough to think he could deep fry a turkey in a New York City backyard, he has to know I'm going to make fun of him. There is no statute of limitations on that, I think."

"I'm glad I never tried much cooking when we were married, then."

"Nice try, but I know you're a great cook. Your mother never would have had it any other way."

"Well, I did have four sisters. There wasn't much else being offered beyond cooking lessons."

"Speaking of which…Nancy called me the other day."

Derek was silent, waiting for Addison to continue. "And…?"

"She wanted to know if I thought you were ever going to pull your head out of your ass. Apparently you've made Megan quite upset."

Derek rolled his eyes. "Heaven forbid we upset the baby."

"Derek, they're concerned, that's all."

"I'm _fine_, Addison. How many different ways do I have to tell them to back off? Even when they're not speaking to me, they're checking up on me."

"Maybe if you'd…" Addison's voice trailed off as she glanced over Derek's shoulder and caught sight of one of the last people she'd ever expected to see again walking down the hallway.

"If I'd what?"

"Oh my God," Addison muttered, the color draining from her face.

"What's the…?" Derek's question went unfinished as at almost the same moment he turned to follow Addison's gaze, a strong fist connected with his jaw, knocking him flat on his back.

"What the hell?" Addison instantly dropped to her knees at Derek's side, helping him sit up before looking up at the man standing over them. "Mark?"

* * *

"This is so lame! Do I have to go, Mom?"

Meredith smiled and nodded, gently pushing her son toward the door.

"Yes, Jack, you _have_ to go. You know, family bonding and all that mumbo-jumbo."

"How come you don't have to go?"

Meredith leaned over, pressing her lips up next to his ear as thought to whisper a secret. "Because I'm the mom, that's why. Now go get in the car."

"But…"

"And I'd better hear that you behaved for Aunt Lexie, okay?"

"Fine," he grumbled, grabbing his backpack and heading out the front door.

"I love you!" Meredith called after him, smiling when he shouted the same back to her before climbing into Lexie's waiting car.

After watching her sister drive away with her son and daughters, Meredith closed the front door and headed into the living room, opening the laptop she'd left waiting on the coffee table.

This had always been a quiet day for Meredith. Every year, on the Sunday after Thanksgiving, her children had all piled into the car and gone shopping with their father. This year, Lexie had volunteered to fill the void in their little group – Meredith only hoped it didn't blow up in her sister's face.

Despite the move, she'd tried hard to maintain some sense of normalcy in their lives. They still went to the same schools, hung out with the same friends, played in the same sports leagues…but there were still days, like today, where she wondered if it was all in vain. The fact of the matter was that nothing in their lives had been normal since March, and she doubted there was anything she could do to change that.

There were times, when she really thought about it, that the whole situation seemed just too ironic to be real. It had been a shooting that helped her fall in love with him, and it had been a shooting that had taken him from her in the end. People often talked of traumatic memories in vague terms, unable to remember specific details – Meredith wished that were true for her. She could still remember every last detail about those few minutes that had turned her world on its head…

_She stood just inside the door and glanced around the room before looking down at her watch and shaking her head. She'd been running a few minutes late, so she'd hoped he would have beaten her here, but that clearly wasn't the case. It was one of the bigger problems of having a marriage of two surgeons – if one wasn't late, the other almost always was._

"_Let me guess, the usual?" Joe slung and towel over his shoulder as she slipped onto a bar stool to wait._

"_Joe, when have I ever ordered anything else?"_

"_When you were pregnant or breast-feeding."_

"_Well, let me make this clear – I am not now, nor will I ever again, be pregnant or breast-feeding."_

"_Hey, you never know!" Joe threw up his hands defensively._

"_Joe, I'm pushing fifty. That boat sailed a long time ago, thank you very much. Four is plenty for me."_

"_I don't doubt it, Meredith. My two keep me busy enough, I can only imagine having double that."_

"_Let's just say, there's a reason the day I stop ordering tequila will be the day they stick me in my grave."_

_Joe grinned at her. "That's my girl."_

"_Sorry, Joe, she's taken."_

_Meredith smiled warmly as a pair of arms wrap around her waist from behind and she felt a chin come to rest on her shoulder. Instinctively, she leaned back against his chest as Joe laughed and turned to answer a call from the other end of the bar._

"_I don't think you have to worry about Joe. Walter keeps a pretty close eye on him."_

"_You never know. My wife's a pretty hot lady."_

"_Is that so?" Meredith spun around on her barstool so that they were face to face. "Sounds like you're a lucky guy, Dr. Avery."_

"_Oh, you have no idea, Dr. Grey." Jackson grinned as he leaned down and kissed her softly. "No idea."_

"_Rough day?" Meredith asked knowingly, hearing the tension in his voice._

"_We lost a kid," Jackson admitted wearily. "He was Jack's age, on his way home from school…"_

_Meredith nodded and wrapped an arm around his neck, resting her head on his shoulder. "You want to go home?" she whispered._

"_What? No, we're supposed to be celebrating tonight," Jackson insisted. "I'm fine, Meredith, don't worry about me."_

"_I didn't say we weren't still going to celebrate." Meredith smiled mischievously. "But hey, if you'd rather sit in a stuffy restaurant with a bunch of other people than be alone with me our sound-proof bedroom…"_

_Meredith let out a small shriek of surprise as her husband lifted her off the barstool._

"_You should have started with the sound-proof bedroom," he said as he set her down and tossed some money on the bar. "Wanna see how fast the car can go?"_

"_Hell yes."_

_Jackson laughed and slipped his arm around her waist as they began to head toward the door. She smiled as she leaned naturally into his side, slipping her hand into his back pocket as they walked._

_Meredith almost didn't recognize the loud sound that echoed through the bar a split second later. Whirling around, recognition hit her as she watched the room erupt in terror. People were screaming, rushing toward the door, when she saw the gunman on the other side of the room turn toward the door she and Jackson were standing in front of._

_The next thing she knew, she was hitting the ground so hard she was certain there'd be ugly bruises on her back for weeks to come. Turning her head, she let out a cry of terror at the sight of the blood covering her husband's white shirt._

_She quickly scrambled to her knees and crawled to his side, pressing her hands on top of the hole the bullet had ripped in his chest._

"_Jackson…look at me, baby," she pleaded with him. "Jackson…"_

"_Mer…" His voice was weak, barely audible above the chaos in the bar._

"_Hang on, Jackson. Help is coming, it is…we're right across the street, they'll be here soon…just keep fighting, Jackson."_

"_Love you…" Jackson reached a shaky hand up and grabbed her wrist, pulling her close to his face even as she fought to keep pressure on his wound._

"_Jackson, I…"_

"_Kiss me," he whispered pleadingly. "Last…last time…"_

"_No, don't you do this! Jackson, you have to fight!"_

"_Mer…please…too much blood…"_

_Meredith fought back her tears as she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his, feeling his hand cup the side of her face for just a moment before it fell to the ground._

"_Jackson…I love you…" Meredith whispered tearfully, brushing her hand against his cheek, grabbing his hand and pressing it to her chest while she held eye contact for as long as she could._

_He opened his mouth as if he were going to respond, but nothing more than a garbled noise came out before she felt his hand go limp in hers._

The splash of something wet on her arms jolted Meredith out of her memories, and she realized with a start that she was crying again. She hadn't known it was possible for a single person to produce as many tears as she had in the past eight months. Every time she thought she might be all cried out, another moment came along to remind her that the grieving process never truly ends.

With a sigh, she closed the laptop she had just opened, knowing she wasn't likely to get any work done that morning.

She was about to lie down on the couch for a nap instead when the doorbell rang, almost startling her out of her seat.

Glancing in the mirror in the front hallway, she shook her head at her disheveled appearance. She took a swipe at her tearstained cheeks, but it seemed to only make their redness worse. Smoothing her hair, she figured whoever at the door was just going to have to deal with her as-is.

Pulling the front door open, she gasped at the sight in front of her.

"Hi Mom," her visitor said quietly, nervously rocking back on her heels as she stood in front of her.

"Annie?"


	9. No More Lies

For a few moments, Meredith and Annie stood in silence on opposite sides of the doorway, each one seemingly waiting for the other to make the first move. Meredith had the eerie sense that she could very easily be staring at herself twenty-three years earlier, when she had stood anxiously on the front porch of her own father's house. She'd been pregnant, scared, emotionally drained – much as Annie appeared now – and had waited expectantly for him to react to her presence, just as her daughter was doing.

Still feeling that odd sense of familiarity with the situation, Meredith took a deep breath and did exactly what she'd secretly hoped Thatcher would do when she'd showed up on his doorstep all those years ago. Taking a step forward, she wrapped her arms around her daughter and pulled her close, holding on tightly as she felt Annie's shoulders start to shake and her tears began to fall.

"Oh my baby," Meredith whispered, gently running her hands through her daughter's hair to soothe her, just as she'd done when Annie was a child. "It's going to be alright."

Eventually, when she felt the tears start to subside a bit, Meredith pulled back slightly and led her into the living room.

"I'm sorry, Mom," Annie said quietly as they settled in on the couch.

"It's not important right now, sweetheart."

"No, it is…you have to know that, Mom, I'm so sorry. I should have listened to you, let you explain…you tried to talk to me and I shut you out. Maybe if I hadn't, this whole thing could have been avoided."

"So you did see Derek."

"How did you know that?"

"Cristina called me."

"I told her I didn't see him. Did she not believe me?"

"No, no, she did. But even if it's been four years, I know you, Annie. You're far too much like me for you to have given up just because he wasn't there. And if you didn't want to talk about it, I figured it must have gone badly."

"I still don't get why you didn't tell us, Mom," Annie said. "He's a jackass, but how could you know that? How could you know that he wouldn't even give me the time of day? That he'd blow me off like I was some psycho off the street?"

"Oh, sweetheart…" Meredith sighed and shook her head. "I'd hoped you'd never have to experience that…"

"Mom?" Annie looked concerned as she put a hand on her mother's wrist and watched her start to cry. Her mother had always been an emotional woman, but Annie could count one hand the number of times she'd ever seen her actually cry.

"I'm sorry," Meredith whispered, wiping the tears from her cheek. "It's just…when you and Evelyn were born, I made a promise to both of you before I brought you home that I was going to do everything in my power to make sure that you grew up knowing what it meant to be loved and to be wanted. I never had that, not from my mother and not from my father, but I swore that the two of you were never going to know what it was like to be rejected by your own parent."

"Oh my God," Annie muttered as the realization hit her. "Mom…did he know about us?"

Meredith closed her eyes, unable to look at her daughter as she nodded.

"Oh God…" Annie leaned back against the couch, completely in shock. "He wasn't just a one night stand, was he?"

Again, Meredith shook her head.

"What was he to you, Mom? Were you guys dating? In love?"

Meredith sighed. "I'll tell you what…why don't you wait until Evelyn gets home tonight? When both of you are here, I promise to tell you whatever you want to know about Derek Shepherd. Okay?"

"The truth this time? No more lies?"

"No more lies," Meredith agreed. "I just don't know if I have the strength to go through those memories more than once, so we should wait for your sister. But I promise, it'll be the truth this time. No more lies."

* * *

Addison slammed her office door behind her and turned to the man she'd directed inside.

"Alright, explain yourself," she demanded. "Now."

Mark shrugged. "Not much to explain, really. Derek Shepherd is a jackass."

"Mark, none of us have seen you in over twenty years, then you show up out of the blue to attack him and that's the best you can do? He's a jackass?"

"It's not my fault the two of you disappeared."

"We what? God, Mark, I told you before I went to Seattle, I had to follow Derek when he left. I owed our marriage at least that one last effort! This is about that? It's been twenty-three years, Mark, it's time to move on."

"Don't flatter yourself, Addison, this has nothing to do with you. I moved on a long time ago."

"Then what the hell is going on, Mark? You've got about sixty seconds to explain to me why exactly this hospital's chief of staff is having his face stitched up as we speak, or I'm calling the police and filing assault charges."

"You wouldn't dare."

Addison shrugged and picked up the phone on her desk.

"Fine, fine, you really want an explanation?" Addison nodded, encouraging Mark to continue as she continued to hold the phone to her ear just in case. "I came here to talk to Derek, not to hit him. When I saw him, though…I just got so angry, thinking about the way he broke my little girl's heart, the way he made her cry…I just couldn't help it."

"What are you talking about?"

Mark sighed, leaning back against the chair. "Last week, my niece came to see Derek."

"So what?"

"Let's just say, he didn't exactly react well to her visit. My niece is his daughter."

"Mark, Derek doesn't have a daughter."

"No, he has two. Twins, actually."

"Have you lost your mind, Mark?"

"I know it sounds crazy, Addison, I get that, but I wouldn't have flown all the way out here from Seattle if I wasn't sure. When Meredith first told me the truth, I thought she was out of her mind too…"

"Wait. Meredith, as in Meredith Grey?"

"How'd you know that?"

"Because I happen to know that after you and I…well, you know…that Derek went out to Seattle and had a very brief affair with a young intern by the name of Meredith Grey."

"They were only together for a month, but he still managed to pretty thoroughly break her heart and smash her world to pieces in that time."

"And you think that Meredith Grey's twins are Derek's?"

"I know so. Meredith would never lie about something like that."

"You seem to know her pretty well."

"The winter after you and Derek left, Richard called me out to Seattle for a consult. I was only going to stay a couple of days, but on my first day, I met Meredith…"

_Mark paused at the end of the hallway and looked around. He smiled when he saw a young woman leaning against the nurses' station, pouring over a chart. Her light blue scrubs hung loosely around her hips, spurring his imagination as he walked up behind her and read the chart over her shoulder._

"_The guy's pretty much a goner, right?"_

_She turned around and offered him a half-smile, looking him up and down as though silently sizing him up. "Sensitivity. I like that in a stranger. Are you new here?"_

"_Visiting. Confounded by all the rain and it's only my first day in town."_

"_You get used to it."_

"_Makes me want to stay in bed all day."_

_The young woman shook her head. "We just met and already you're talking about bed. Not very subtle."_

_Mark grinned. "Subtle has never been my strong suit. So, do you ever go out with coworkers?"_

"_I, uh, make it a rule not to."_

"_Then I am so glad that I don't work here."_

"_Are you hitting on me? In a hospital?"_

_Mark had to smile at the surprise in her voice. "Would that be wrong?"_

_Finally, Mark knew he'd hit home when she grinned at him and stuck out her hand. "Meredith."_

"_Mark." He quickly shook her hand. "So, Meredith, now that we've established that you date non-coworkers…"_

"_Hold on, all we established is that I don't date coworkers."_

"_Well, if you don't date coworkers, and you don't date non-coworkers, that doesn't leave a whole lot of selection for you, does it?"_

"_Maybe that's the point, did you think of that? Maybe I don't want to date anyone. Maybe I've sworn off men entirely."_

_Mark laughed. "You're much too pretty for that."_

_Meredith blushed and looked back at the chart._

"_Oh come on, whatever your last boyfriend did, I'm sure it can't be bad enough to swear off men forever. We're not all jackasses."_

"_Is this the part where you tell me to trust you, that you're one of the good ones?"_

"_Hell no, I'm a man whore. The good ones are boring as sin, but I'm sure there's still some of them out there somewhere."_

_Meredith cocked her head slightly to the side and stared at Mark out of the corner of her eye. "Tell me, Mark, do you have a secret wife on the other side of the country?"_

"_I don't think so." Mark paused for a moment and appeared deep in thought. "There are a couple of drunken nights I don't remember, but I never woke up with a ring, so I'm pretty sure the answer is a 'no.'"_

"_Well then, you're already one better than the last guy I was with."_

"_Ouch, the old secret wife card, huh? What else did he pull?"_

"_You don't want to know."_

"_Of course I do."_

"_Fine, but I don't want you to know."_

"_Why not?"_

"_Because this is fun, this flirting thing we're doing, you pretending to be interested in me. It's fun, and honestly, you're the first guy to flirt with me in months. But as soon as I tell you the worst thing the last guy did to me, you're going to freak out and never want to flirt with me again."_

"_Stop rambling and try me."_

"_Alright, but don't say I didn't warn you." Meredith took a deep breath. "Six weeks ago, I gave birth. To twins. At twenty-eight weeks. Three days ago, I got a letter from their father informing me that he wanted nothing to do with me or them. He called them a 'mistake best forgotten' and told me not to contact him again. My daughters are in the NICU fighting for their lives, and he's off gallivanting around God-knows-where with his wife – who is probably gorgeous, by the way – and he has the nerve to tell me our children are a mistake?"_

_By this point, Meredith was crying softly. If there was one thing Mark hated, it was crying women. Under normal circumstances, he would have muttered an excuse and walked away as quickly as possible. Something about Meredith had caught his attention, though, and he tentatively reached out a hand, patting her on the shoulder awkwardly. _

"_I'm sorry," Meredith muttered, wiping her cheeks. "I told you I didn't want to tell you."_

"_You did warn me," Mark agreed. "But you were wrong."_

"_About w__hat?"_

"_I still want to flirt with you."_

"So you hooked up with Derek's intern," Addison surmised.

"Nah." Mark shook his head and laughed. "We came close once or twice, but Meredith was way too smart to ever sleep with me. We were never anything more than friends. Good thing, too, because if I had slept with her, it would have been incredibly awkward when I married her sister a few years later."

"You got married?"

"Don't sound so shocked, people can change."

"I guess. But married? Really?"

"Happily, too," Mark said defensively. "Let's just get it all over with, okay? Yes, pigs are flying. It's a cold day in hell. Etcetera, etcetera…get creative, I dare you to come up with one I haven't heard in the last eighteen years."

"You've been married for eighteen years?"

"Yes."

"And your wife's sister is Meredith Grey?"

"Yes."

"And Derek and Meredith have _twins_?"

"Yes."

"I think I need to sit down now," Addison muttered as she sank into the chair across from Mark.


	10. The Fighter

**A/N:** This chapter is heavy on the flashbacks, so enjoy this bit of history before we get to some of the parts I know you all are waiting for! Also, there were a lot of questions about whether Derek did or did not write that letter...although that is answered here, just remember to keep an open mind until we hear all sides of the story!

* * *

"This doesn't make any sense, Mark."

"Which part?"

"All of it!" Addison sighed and leaned forward in her chair, resting her elbows on her thighs and pressing her fingertips into the sides of her forehead.

"It's quite simple when you think about it. You and I slept together, so Derek left and slept with Meredith. You went after Derek, he left Meredith and when she told him she was pregnant, he told her never to contact him again."

"No." Addison shook her head. "Mark, you were Derek's best friend. I would think you'd know him well enough to know that he would never do that. There's no way he wrote that letter."

"I would have thought the same thing," Mark agreed. "Hell, even _Meredith_ didn't think that Derek would do that to her…"

_Mark looked up from his paperwork and frowned at the dark clouds forming outside the window of his tiny new office. He'd been in Seattle a month now, and he was starting to suspect he'd never get used to the weather. He still wasn't sure what he'd been thinking when he'd accepted Richard's offer to take a job at Seattle Grace. He'd known he couldn't stay in New York, not with everyone he'd come to think of as family suddenly treating him as though he'd contracted the plague._

_Still, if he was going to have to leave New York, he probably should have had the sense to go to someplace sunny – Los Angeles, maybe, or even Miami would have been better suited for him than Seattle. He could have had a gorgeous Miami penthouse overlooking downtown, or a Malibu beach home with a plentiful selection of bikini-clad potential patients – and dates – right at his fingertips. Instead, he had a hotel room at the Archfield, a slow trickle of patients and a certain intern – or rather, intern-on-leave, as he'd discovered recently – who wouldn't give him the time of day if his life depended on it._

_He wasn't sure what it was about Meredith Grey that drew him in. It certainly couldn't be encouragement from his target, that much was certain. If she allowed him to flirt with her, it was a victory for the day. He'd been at it a month, and he didn't seem any closer to landing a date than he'd been when he'd first spotted her peering over that chart his first day in Seattle. She wasn't even his type, not really, and she clearly violated his number one rule – never sleep with a woman with children. Still, there was something about her that he couldn't put his finger on, something that made him want to know more about Meredith Grey…_

_A hesitant knock at the door caused him to spin round in his chair and he smiled at the woman in the doorway. "Hey, I was just thinking about you."_

"_Mind out of the gutter, Mark, I'm not sleeping with you."_

"_Now, how do you know that's what I was thinking about? Seems like someone else's mind might be in the gutter…"_

_He laughed at the glare she shot him as she walked into the office._

"_Okay, fine. Well, if you didn't come here to sleep with me, what can I do for you today, Dr. Grey?"_

"_Just thought I'd drop in and say hi, see how you were settling in."_

_Mark frowned but nodded. He knew women well enough to know that she wanted something, but he figured it would come out in its own time._

"_It's going to rain again," he commented. "I thought you said I'd get used to it, but I don't think I'm getting used to anything."_

"_Hey, I didn't force you to move here. In fact, I seem to remember telling you it was a bad idea. You're the one who said Seattle would be good for you."_

"_It still could be."_

"_Don't even start, Mark. If you think I have no time for you now, just wait until Annie comes home next week."_

"_You get to take her home?"_

_Meredith smiled at the interest in Mark's voice. He'd never admit it, but the few times he'd been around the twins, she'd seen a completely different side of the man who'd already developed a hospital reputation as a ladies' man._

"_Dr. Harris said if she keeps making the progress she's making, I can bring her home next week."_

"_That's great news. What about Evelyn?"_

_Meredith's smile faded a bit. "Not yet. She's still on the feeding tube and not gaining weight, and her oxygen levels are still low."_

"_Hey, that one's a fighter, she'll get there."_

"_I hope so." Meredith paused for a moment, an internal debate raging in her as she contemplated her next question. "Hey Mark?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_Can I ask you a question?"_

"_Of course."_

"_How well do you know Derek Shepherd?"_

_Mark furrowed his brow in confusion. "What?"_

"_That is him in that picture there, isn't it?"_

_Mark followed Meredith's gaze to a framed picture sitting on his filing cabinet, one he'd transferred over from his New York office without even giving it a second thought. It was a small four-by-six, with Derek and Mark standing in the middle of a group of groomsmen from Derek's wedding._

"_Yeah, that's him. Why?"_

"_Are you friends?"_

"_We used to be. Why do you want to know about Derek?"_

_Meredith reached into her back pocket and pulled out a wrinkled sheet of paper, carefully unfolding it and passing it across the desk to Mark, watching his reaction as he read the first few lines._

"_What the hell is this?"_

"_I don't think he wrote it," Meredith said. "It didn't make sense to me, that he would say something like that. I mean, I get it, he's married and he wants to make that work. I'm not trying to get in the way of that, I told him that in my letters. I just…I thought I knew him, at least a little bit, but the guy I fell in love with, he wouldn't write that letter. So I thought, I don't know…maybe his wife wrote it?"_

"_Meredith…"_

"_It's stupid, right? But it could have happened that way. I mean, it sort of looks like his handwriting, but I only ever saw that scribbled in a note on a chart, so I don't know. I just…I need to know if he wrote it, because if he didn't, I still need to talk to him."_

"_Meredith, are you saying what I think you're saying?"_

"_Derek Shepherd is the father of my twins."_

"_Holy shit."_

"_Yeah."_

"_Meredith, I'm sorry."_

"_Mark?"_

"_I wish I could say he didn't write this, Meredith." Mark sighed and tossed the letter onto the desk. "I'm sorry. If you had told me without showing me the letter, I would have said there was no way Derek would ever write that. But I do know his handwriting, and he did write that."_

"You're sure it was Derek's handwriting?" Addison asked in surprise.

"The only reason I passed half my classes in high school was that I copied his homework on the bus every morning. Trust me, I know what Derek's handwriting looks like. He wrote that letter, Addison."

"Son of a bitch…" Addison muttered as she shook her head. "Mark, he's spent the last twenty years bemoaning the fact that letting her go was the biggest mistake he ever made. I never understood why he wouldn't just pick up the damn phone and call her. But if he did that to her…he probably thought she'd never forgive him…"

"He's right."

"God, he's really gone and gotten himself into a mess this time, hasn't he?"

* * *

"Are you alright?" Meredith watched with concern as Annie tenderly rubbed the side of her stomach.

"Oh, I'm fine, don't worry about me," Annie assured her. "I'm just tired from the flight, that's all."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure." Annie stared at her mother for a moment before smiling knowingly "Aunt Lexie told you about the amnio, didn't she?"

"What? No, she…" Meredith sighed as Annie shot her a skeptical glance. "Okay, fine, she did, but she was just trying to help. Don't be mad at her."

"I'm not mad. I'm kind of glad I don't have to explain it, actually. I'd rather not think about it if I can avoid it."

"Are the results back yet?"

Annie smiled and nodded, resting a hand on her stomach. "It was a false alarm. She's perfectly normal. The doctor said he probably wouldn't have even ordered the amnio if he'd had a complete genetic profile, but since we were missing a quarter of it…"

"She?"

"It's a girl."

"That's wonderful, sweetheart."

"I don't know what I would have done if the amnio had been different," Annie admitted.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't mean I would have terminated, that's not what I'm talking about. I just…I don't think I could have done it, Mom. I don't know if I would have been strong enough for all of it – the doctors, the treatments, the appointments…I don't know how anyone does it."

"You would have been fine, Annie, I'm sure of it."

"I don't know how you did it with Evelyn, Mom. I really think it would have killed me."

Meredith shrugged. "You just take it one day, one doctor, one treatment at a time. You get through it because you don't have a choice, you don't know any different. Your job is to fight for your child. It's just how your life is, doctors and hospitals and surgeries and new medicines. There isn't an alternative, because you love your baby too much to even think of doing anything else…"

_Meredith looked up from her seat in her hospital-required wheelchair, parked between two incubators, and stared at the man in front of her as though he'd suddenly sprouted a second head._

"_Heart surgery? Dr. Burke, are you insane? She's five days old!"_

"_I wish there was another option, Meredith, I really do. We only have a brief period of time to fix this, or it's going to kill her."_

"_This surgery will kill her, Dr. Burke. Have you even seen her?" Meredith turned her head toward the incubator, where her tiny daughter lay, hooked up to more machines and monitors than she could count. "She's barely three and a half pounds! There's no way she'll survive something like this."_

"_Meredith…"_

"_Have you ever done it before, Dr. Burke? Have you performed this surgery on a baby her size?"_

"_No, I haven't," Preston Burke admitted reluctantly. "Meredith, I can't promise you she's going to survive the surgery, and I can't promise you she won't need more surgeries down the road. The only thing I can promise you is that if we don't do this surgery now, Evelyn will not live another week."_

_Meredith turned back to the incubator, resting her hand on the side of the glass as she started to softly cry._

"_I think maybe you could have eased into that a little more gently."_

_Burke turned his head and frowned at George O'Malley. "Why? It's the truth."_

"_I know, but…you know what? Never mind that, let me talk to her for a minute."_

"_I can't do it, George," Meredith whispered as he knelt at her side. "It'll kill her, and I can't do that. I'm not strong enough to do that, George."_

"_Meredith, that's not true." George sighed and placed a hand on her forearm when she turned her head away from him. "You _are _strong enough – you're the strongest person I know."_

"_George…"_

"_No, I'm serious. Surgical interns don't have babies, Meredith, they just don't do it, but you did. And how many interns do you know who would threaten to sue the Chief of Surgery when he tried to transfer you out of the program? Meredith, you've been fighting for Annie and Evelyn since the day you told us you were pregnant. Now is not the time to stop fighting, Mer, it's the time to fight even harder."_

"_I wish her father was here. He'd know what to do."_

"You_ know what to do, Meredith, you don't need anyone else."_

"_What if she doesn't make it, George?"_

"_But what if she does, Meredith? What if she's a fighter, just like her mother? You have to give her the chance, Meredith. At least give her the chance to fight."_

_Meredith hesitated for a moment before nodding quietly._

"_Okay," she whispered softly. "Do the surgery."_

"_It's the right decision, Meredith," George assured her, standing up to go rejoin Dr. Burke. "I'll give you a few minutes to talk to Evelyn before we take her up."_

"_Good work, O'Malley," Burke commented as they headed out of the NICU. "I'll get an OR scheduled for this afternoon. You'll scrub in – if you think you can handle it?"_

"_I can."_

"_Good, good," Burke nodded encouragingly. "I'll see you this afternoon then."_


	11. I'll Be Damned

**A/N:** Thank you so much for the reviews on the last chapter! I'm sorry I haven't had a chance to reply to them yet, but I will tonight, I promise! In the meantime, I wanted to get this update up for all of you. Enjoy!

* * *

"Dr. Shepherd, are you alright?" Jessica jumped up from her chair when she saw him approaching. "Oh God, that's quite the shiner…"

"Thank you, Jessica. I'm _fine_," Derek grumbled as he walked past his assistant into his office.

"Well, I hope you don't mind, I did take the liberty of clearing your schedule for the rest of the day." Jessica followed Derek into his office, standing just inside the doorway while he took a seat behind his desk.

"Why would you do that? I told you, Jessica, I'm fine."

"Right, yes, I got that. It's just…you had a two o'clock with Jeffrey Meyers and a four o'clock with Madeline Archer."

"And…?"

"You want to have a meeting with the chairman of the board of trustees looking like you just came from a bar fight? Or with a woman who gave this hospital four million dollars last yet?"

"I don't want to look like I'm blowing those people off, either, Jessica."

"Oh don't worry about that, sir. I'm a pretty good liar. Who could possibly be upset with you cancelling an appointment when you're rushing into surgery to remove a clot from the brain of a little six year old girl who was in a tragic car accident last night?"

Derek frowned and considered the sincere look on Jessica's face. "Good. Slightly disturbing, but good. You don't lie to me like that, do you?"

"Never, sir. Not a chance."

Derek nodded skeptically. "So I don't have anything on my schedule this afternoon?"

"Not a thing."

"Good." Derek stood up and reached to the side of his desk for his briefcase. "In that case, I am going to do something I'm not sure I've ever done before – I'm going to go home early and take a nap."

"Oh, you can't do that, sir."

"Why not? And no made up surgeries, Jessica."

"Dr. Montgomery called about five minutes ago and told me not to let you leave. She said she'd be up here to see you in a few minutes."

"Fine." Derek sighed and sat back down at his desk. "See her in when she gets here."

"May I be candid, sir?"

"Only if you must, Jessica."

"She sounded a little bit pissed off, sir."

"More than a little, actually."

Jessica gulped and turned around to find herself face to face with Addison Montgomery. "Oh, um, Dr. Montgomery…I didn't realize you were there, ma'am…"

"Clearly." Addison arched an eyebrow at Derek's young assistant and stepped back, leaving a clear path toward the door.

"Right, well, I'll be out at my desk if you need me, Dr. Shepherd…" Jessica nodded at Addison and made a beeline for the door, nearly slamming it behind her in her haste to get out of the room

"Addison, you scared my assistant."

"She'll live." Addison took a few more steps into Derek's office and took a seat across the desk from him.

"Okay," Derek said hesitantly. "Something on your mind, Addison?"

"How's your face?"

"It hurts."

"Good."

"Good? I hope you had Mark Sloan escorted off the premises in handcuffs before you came up here with that attitude."

"I saw him leave, yes."

"I hope you called the police and informed them that I'll be pressing charges."

"I did no such thing, and you will _not_ be pressing charges." Addison crossed her arms over her chest and stared at Derek.

"Why not?"

"Because while I don't condone violence, I can't say I wouldn't have done the same thing if I'd been in Mark's position. To put it nicely, you're a grade-A idiot, Derek."

"You're mad at _me_? May I remind you that I'm not the one running around the hospital punching people out, and the last time I saw Mark Sloan, he was in my bed, with my wife, so I'm not really following how he could possibly have any reason to be angry at me."

"Maybe because he's spent the last twenty-two years watching over the daughters you turned your back on, and then when you're finally given the chance to make up for it, you refuse to even acknowledge her!"

"Did you hit your head? Are you feeling alright?"

"Derek, I know about Meredith."

"Addison, we went over this last week at breakfast. I do not want to talk to you about Meredith."

"And your daughters? Do you want to talk about them?"

"I think maybe you need a CT scan, Addison."

"For God's sake, Derek, this is not a joke! Your daughter did come to see you last week, didn't she?"

"No. Last week, I got a visit from some crazy girl who I'd never seen before who claimed that my name was on her birth certificate, but she was _not_ my daughter, Addison."

"According to Mark, she is."

"Then Mark's crazy too, because she told me when she was born, and I know how to count backwards to get date of conception. That girl was conceived before I found you and Mark together, and in case you've forgotten the order of things, you cheated first."

"How far did you count back?"

"Forty weeks. I'm a doctor, Addison, I know the gestation of a human pregnancy."

"And what would it mean if I told you that your visitor and her twin sister were born at a gestational age of twenty-eight weeks?"

Derek frowned and thought for a moment. "That doesn't change anything, Addison. I do not have children."

"Derek, don't play dumb. I know all about Meredith and the twins. I have no idea what the hell possessed you to tell that poor woman that those babies were a mistake, but I know about it."

Addison watched curiously as Derek's expression clouded, but with something more akin to confusion than actual anger.

"You don't have a clue what I'm talking about, do you?"

"Not even an inkling."

"Oh my God," Addison muttered, covering her mouth with one hand and shaking her head.

"Maybe you'd care to let me in on what's going here?"

"After we left Seattle, did you ever hear from Meredith? A phone call, maybe a letter?"

"She called my cell maybe a dozen times," Derek admitted. "I never picked up, and she never said much in her messages. Just asked me to call her back, which I never did."

"What about a letter?"

"She sent three letters to the brownstone. Two were waiting when we got back at Christmas, the other came a few weeks later. Why?"

"Did you write back?"

"Just once. I made you a promise that I would focus on our marriage and make it a priority in my life. I couldn't do that with Meredith constantly at the back of my mind, so I asked her to not contact me again."

"Did you read her letters, Derek?"

"No. I told you, I had to focus on our marriage. I couldn't give it a legitimate effort if I thought about how I might have fallen in love with Meredith, so I tried to limit anything to do with her – and that included ignoring her calls and her letters. Why? Was there something important in them?"

"Was there…? Oh my God, Derek, yes," Addison sighed in disbelief. "Derek, she was pregnant."

"What?"

"Meredith was pregnant, Derek. That's what she was trying to tell you. She had twins, Derek, two little girls – who, at least according to Mark, look just like their father. And last week, one of those little girls came to see you."

"Are you trying to say that that girl actually _was_ my daughter?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying, Derek."

"I can't believe Meredith would hide this from me! It isn't as though I'm hard to find. I've even been at the same medical conferences as her a few times, and she never said a word to me."

"Whatever you said in that letter you wrote, she took it to mean you didn't want anything to do with her or her daughters. What reason would she have to try to talk to you when in her mind, you'd already made your wishes known?"

"I guess she wouldn't," Derek agreed. "Oh God. I have daughters? Twins?"

"Twenty-two years old."

"Oh my God," Derek muttered again. "What do I do now?"

"I think now you go home and take that nap you were mumbling about earlier," Addison suggested, standing up to leave. "And while you do that, you leave the rest to me. I'm going to go have another chat with Mark."

* * *

"He didn't know."

Mark looked up as Addison slipped into the booth he was waiting at, nursing his single malt scotch.

"I thought you were done defending him, Addie."

"Think about the letter, Mark," Addison pleaded. "What _exactly_ did he say about the babies?"

Mark sighed and reached into his back pocket, pulling out a faded piece of paper. Tossing it across the table, he shrugged and picked up his glass. "Read it yourself."

Addison picked up the paper and frowned. "How did you…?"

"Meredith left it with me that day she came to my office. She told me to just throw it away, she didn't want any reminders of him."

"But you kept it?"

"Obviously."

"Why?"

"I don't know. Maybe I guessed that twenty-two years later, I'd be sitting here showing it to you."

"Sarcasm is not necessary, Mark."

"Just read the letter, Addie."

Addison sighed and opened the folded paper, glancing across the table at Mark before looking down and seeing Derek's familiar handwriting…

_Dear Meredith,_

_I received your most recent letter three days ago. I had hoped that after a certain passage of time, you would stop your attempts to contact me without my having to contact you like this. I wish you had done that, because writing this letter is not easy for me at all._

_There will always be a connection between us, I understand that. But I have an obligation to my wife and to my marriage, one that has to override anything that came of the few weeks we spent together._

_When we met, I was going through a difficult time with my wife. My marriage had just been attacked in a way I never thought possible. I was drowning, and I didn't know how to get back to the surface. Meeting you was like coming up for fresh air, and for that I should thank you._

_But I've been married for eleven years, Meredith. My wife, she's my family. I can't just walk away from that, not without doing everything in my power to save it. In that respect, leaving New York was a mistake. You were a mistake. Our relationship – and everything that has come from it – was a mistake. I have to leave these mistakes behind me, Meredith. I cannot have reminders of our relationship hanging around while I'm trying to fall back in love with my wife._

_I'm sorry for all the trouble I've put you through, Meredith, and I wish you the best of luck with the rest of your residency. You are going to be a remarkable surgeon some day._

_Sincerely,_

_Derek_

Addison put the letter down and stared at Mark. "Trying to fall back in love with me?"

"Hey, don't look at me," Mark said defensively. "I didn't write it."

"I don't see where in here he mentions the twins, though."

"_Our relationship – and everything that has come from it – was a mistake_," Mark quoted. "The twins, of course, being the _everything_ that came from that relationship."

"Okay, I can see how that would look bad if I were in Meredith's shoes. But Mark, if you were reading this letter without knowing about the girls, would you think there were children involved?"

"That's a ridiculous question, Addison. I know there are children involved."

"But he doesn't ever mention them specifically, Mark. Will you at least consider the possibility that he didn't know?"

"What are you saying? That Meredith didn't tell him?"

"No, that's not what I'm saying. What if she told him, but he didn't listen? Mark, he deleted her voicemails, and he swears he never opened her letters."

"Give me that." Mark reached out his hand and took the letter from Addison, skimming it before letting out a low whistle and shaking his head. "Well I'll be damned…"

"So how do we do this?"

"Do what?"

"Help Derek meet his daughters, of course. Do you think he should fly out there this week? Or at least call them?"

Mark sighed and set the letter down on the table again, shaking his head at the hopeful optimism in Addison's voice.

"This doesn't change anything, Addie."

"What are you talking about? This changes _everything_, Mark."

"It doesn't change the way he hurt Annie last week, and it certainly doesn't change the hell that Meredith went through without him. Those girls are nearly twenty-three years old, Addison. He's missed their entire lives so far, and whether he opened those letters or not, it doesn't change the fact that his absence was nobody's fault but his own." Mark stood up and tossed a few bills on the table. "Look, I get that you want to help, but you're thinking about Derek. I'm thinking about Meredith and the girls, and I don't see how him coming into their lives now could do anything but hurt them. Meredith and her family have been through a lifetime's worth of hurt in the last year, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let him add to that."


	12. The Whole Story

Lexie shivered as she shut the front door behind her and stepped out onto the dark front porch that evening.

"We've really got to fix that porch light soon," she commented as she sat down next to Meredith on the bench that had replaced the swing years ago. Meredith just nodded, not looking over at her sister or making any other attempt at a response.

"I don't want to sound like a nag or anything, but it's about ten degrees out here right now," Lexie continued. "Aren't you cold?"

"It's thirty-seven," Meredith replied softly. "The thermometer on the side of the house still works."

"Do you remember when Alex bought that thing? To settle that ridiculous bet he had with Mark? What was that, fifteen years ago?"

"Twenty."

"It was not that long."

"Alex bought the thermometer in January 2008. It was eight days after the twins' second birthday, and two and a half months before the merger."

"Right, but that wasn't twenty years ago."

"Lexie, the girls will be twenty-three in a little over a month."

"Damn," Lexie muttered. "I feel old."

"You feel old? You're not the one who birthed them, Lex. Think how I feel."

"True." Lexie smirked at the glare Meredith shot her. "Speaking of the girls…"

"Don't start, Lexie."

"I'm just wondering why you're sitting out here in the cold while they're both sitting in the nice heated living room, waiting for you?"

"I think you know the answer to that one without me having to tell you, Lex."

"It doesn't make much sense to me," Lexie admitted. "Shouldn't you be glad that you don't have to lie to them anymore?"

"It's not that simple, Lexie. I've spent twenty-three years pretending that Derek Shepherd never existed and now…there's a reason I've hardly ever talked about our relationship with anyone. There are some memories that are easier just to bury and never deal with again."

"Oh my God," Lexie frowned and turned to face her sister. "Meredith, you were in love with him, weren't you?"

"It was a long time ago, Lexie."

"Still…I think that's the sort of thing your girls need to know about."

"Maybe."

"Besides," Lexie paused for a moment. "I promised Annie I wouldn't go back inside until you did, and it is _freezing_ out here. So can we please just go inside and you can get this over with?"

* * *

Meredith shifted nervously in her seat, perched on the edge of the couch as both her daughters stared at her, Annie from the other end of the couch and Evelyn from the overstuffed chair across the room. She felt a bit like she imagined a witness must feel like in a courtroom, fearing they were about to be crucified on the stand by some overzealous defense attorney.

"So…" she said nervously. "Where do you want to start?"

"How about the part where we skip all this crap and just acknowledge that he's a jackass who didn't want us?" Evelyn asked, her arms folded over her chest as she stared pointedly at her sister.

"Oh, grow up, Evelyn," Annie snapped.

"Me? You're the one who's been throwing the world's biggest temper tantrum for the last four years!"

"I have not!"

"Have too!"

"Have not!"

"Enough!" Meredith shouted, interrupting her daughters' argument. "Both of you, just save it. If you want to fight, save it for another time. Don't make me ground you both."

Annie rolled her eyes. "Mom, I'm twenty-two years old."

Meredith frowned and arched an eyebrow at her daughter. "And your point is…?"

Annie groaned and leaned back in her seat. "Fine."

Meredith nodded and turned to Evelyn, who also looked far from happy.

"Fine," she grumbled.

"Good," Meredith said with a sigh. "So, as I was saying…where do you want to start?"

"I want to know if any of what you told us was true," Annie said. "Was it all a lie? The whole story?"

"None of it was a lie. It was all true, to a point. The story was just…incomplete, I guess you could say."

"What does that mean?"

"Well, I told you I met your father the night before my internship began – that was true. I told you that I met him at Emerald City Bar – that was true. I told you we were both more than a little drunk – also true. I told you we slept together that night – obviously true. And I told you that when I woke up the next morning, I couldn't remember his name – which was true as well. I just left out the parts that happened after that."

"Such as?"

"The part where I showed up at the hospital for my first day as an intern and Derek turned out to be the new neuro attending. I…"

"Wait, he was your boss?" Evelyn interrupted.

"Technically, Miranda was my boss. Derek was Miranda's boss."

"So you slept with your boss's boss?"

"I didn't know who he was," Meredith said defensively.

"What happened after that?" Annie asked. "You didn't keep seeing him, did you?"

"Not at first, no. He asked me to dinner, made it clear he didn't care that he was my boss…or my boss's boss…or whatever he was. I told him there wasn't a chance in hell, but Derek, he was nothing if not persistent. He was funny and charming and smart and successful…and he was very attentive. He made me feel special. At that point in my life, I don't think I could have even remembered the last time I had felt like someone actually cared about me. When you're that starved for affection, what Derek was offering can be very seductive…and I fell for it. I fell for him."

"Did you fell in love with him?"

Meredith sighed and hesitated for a moment. "I honestly don't know. At the time, I think I thought I was in love. Looking back on it, though, I really don't know if I even knew what love meant until you two were born."

"But you were happy with him?" Annie pressed. "You guys were a normal, happy couple?"

"I wouldn't say normal, no. Our relationship was secret, it had to be. No one knew except Cristina, and she'd been sworn to secrecy. But when we were together, yes, we were happy."

"So what happened to you two, then?"

Meredith shrugged slightly. "He disappeared."

"He what?"

"About a month after we'd started seeing each other, he disappeared. Called into work and cancelled all his surgeries, stopped picking up his phone, just dropped off the face of the earth, it seemed. There were all sorts of rumors floating around the hospital, of course, but they were all pretty far-fetched. He was just…gone."

"Well where'd he go?" Evelyn asked in confusion. "People don't just disappear, Mom."

"I know. And he didn't disappear, not completely. He'd missed about a week and a half at the hospital when I came home one night and found him waiting for me…"

_Meredith frowned as she walked up the steps and saw Derek leaning against the front door, the flickering porch light casting shadows across his face._

"_Derek?" she said hesitantly, almost unsure that he was really standing there. "You shouldn't be there, what if George or Izzie had come home first?"_

_Derek shrugged. "It was a chance I had to take. I had to see you, Meredith."_

"_You could have seen me at work if you hadn't cancelled all of your surgeries."_

_Derek sighed as Meredith stepped around him and unlocked the front door, leaving it partway open for him as she stepped inside the house and tossed her bag to the side._

"_I guess I deserve that," he said. "I did leave without explanation."_

"_When are you coming back?" Meredith asked, her voice rising as she walked into the kitchen while Derek remained in the entryway._

"_I'm not."_

_Derek shifted his weight nervously as a long silence ensued, until Meredith finally appeared in the doorway of the kitchen, an empty glass in her hand._

"_What do you mean, you're not coming back? You have a contract, Derek."_

"_Richard agreed to let me out of it. He wasn't happy about it, but he understands the position that I'm in right now."_

"_And what position would that be?"_

"_I'm married."_

_Meredith didn't even flinch as the glass in her hand slipped to the floor and shattered. She stared at Derek, waiting for a grin to flicker across his face, waiting for his laughter to fill the air as he announced his joke._

"_You're serious," she finally said, her voice shaking._

"_I'm sorry, Meredith. I didn't think…I was sure my marriage was over."_

"_And now?"_

"_It might still be over, I don't know. But I've been married for eleven years. She's my family, Meredith. I can't just walk away without at least trying to salvage what we once had. I owe my marriage at least that much."_

"_Well, that's very honorable Derek. And were you thinking of what you owed your marriage when you were screwing me?"_

_Derek winced and shook his head. "Meredith, I am so sorry, you have to believe me."_

"_What was I, Derek? Your midlife crisis?"_

"_No, Meredith, nothing like that. When I came out here, I'd lost my faith. I'd lost my belief that was still good out there, that there was still hope for love and happiness…and you showed me that there was. It was like I was drowning, and you were like coming up for air. You saved me."_

"_Is that supposed to make me feel better, Derek? Is that somehow supposed to make me feel less dirty? Because that's what you've done, Derek, you've made me a dirty mistress."_

"_Meredith, you are not…"_

"_Just go," Meredith interrupted him. "Please, Derek, I don't want to hear your excuses. Just go. Go back to your wife, go back to New York or wherever the hell you're going…just please go. Leave. Please leave, Derek."_

_Derek nodded, but took a step forward first, leaning across the broken glass at Meredith feet, kissing her on the cheek when she turned her head away from him._

"_Go, Derek," she whispered urgently._

"_Goodbye, Meredith," he whispered back, turning and quickly walking out the front door._

_Meredith gripped the edge of the doorway as her whole body began to shake with sobs as soon as the door was closed behind him. She silently cursed her own stupidity, thinking anyone would actually stay with her. And with the sudden thought, a flood of nausea rushed over her. She turned and ran to the downstairs bathroom, making it just in time to forget Derek for a few wretched moments._

"He was married? The little bastard," Evelyn muttered.

"Did he know you were pregnant when he left?" Annie asked.

"No," Meredith said. "I didn't even know until a few days after he left."

"But you did tell him?"

"I called his cell, left him dozens of messages, first just asking him to call me, then flat-out just telling him…eventually I started getting a message that the phone had been disconnected. So then I started writing him letters. I wasn't even sure I had the right address, but I figured if I had to, I'd send them to every Shepherd in the state of New York if that's what it took. And as it turns out, I did have the right address, because a few weeks after you were born, he wrote back."

"What did he say?"

"I don't think…"

"You said the whole truth, Mom," Annie reminded her.

Meredith nodded, but still hesitated before finally speaking. "He wrote that you…that you girls were a mistake best left in the past, that he needed to focus on his wife and their future. And then he asked me never to contact him again."

"He said that?" Evelyn asked in surprise.

"It fits," Annie said. "He was a jackass when I met him."

"Are you sure he wrote the letter?" Evelyn asked. "Maybe his wife…?"

"No." Meredith shook her head and smiled sadly. "I thought the same thing, but Mark looked at it, and confirmed that it was Derek's handwriting."

"How would Uncle Mark know?"

"Uncle Mark grew up with your father. They went to high school together, college, medical school, all of it. Uncle Mark was even the best man when your father got married. They were best friends. It's one of the reasons I asked Mark to be your godfather, Annie, long before he'd even met Aunt Lexie – I wanted you to at least have some connection to Derek, even if you'd never know it. As soon as I found out he knew Derek, I asked him to look at the letter."

"Do you still have it?" Evelyn asked.

"No. I got rid of it a long time ago."

"So wait," Annie said. "Cristina knew and Uncle Mark knew. Who else knew that Derek was our father? Did everyone know except us?"

"No, of course not."

"How many people knew?"

"Besides Cristina and Uncle Mark, just three – Aunt Lexie, Miranda, and Jackson."

"Jackson knew?" Evelyn asked in surprise.

Meredith nodded. "I told him right after we got married, when we started looking at having him adopt the two of you."

"Wait…that's why he couldn't, right? Because Derek's name was on our birth certificates?" Evelyn asked.

"I thought I was doing the right thing when you two were born, in case Derek wanted to be a part of your lives. And then by the time I realized he didn't, it was too late…and when I finally found someone who did want to be your father, I'd messed it all up. We decided getting Derek's consent for the adoption wasn't worth the risk that the two of you would find out in the process and get hurt."

"I always wondered why you dropped that idea so quickly," Annie said. "I thought maybe Jackson changed his mind about wanting us or something."

"Oh sweetie, never. I hope you know how much he loved you." Meredith grabbed Annie's hand as her daughter scooted down the couch to be at her side. "How much he loved both of you."

"We knew," Evelyn assured her.

"We only wanted the adoption in case something were to happen to me," Meredith continued. "Even without it, you were his daughters in every way that mattered, and he loved you just as much as he loved Suzie and Jack. There was no difference to him, none at all. As far as I'm concerned, Derek or no Derek, you two grew up with a father who loved you, and in my mind, _that's_ what you should be focused on."


	13. Fix This

**A/N:** This chapter is a bit shorter than I'd like, but I'm heading out of town for about a week, and since I'm already behind on posting, I wanted to get it up before I left. So, some parts are getting shifted to the next chapter. In the meantime, even if it's a littler shorter than I'd like, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

* * *

Mark glanced at the clock as he crumpled his worn shirt and tossed it into his duffle bag. Taking one final look around the room to make certain he hadn't left anything, he zipped the bag closed and slung it over his shoulder. He liked to think that under normal circumstances – whatever those might be – he would have taken more care with his packing, but as it was, he was more concerned with making it out the door and to the airport in time to catch his flight home.

He'd barely managed to sleep a wink all night, tossing and turning as his mind tried to sort through the tumultuous events of the previous day. When he had finally managed to fall asleep, he'd been so exhausted he had slept straight through his alarm. At this point, he figured he'd need to find the craziest cabbie in all of New York City if he had any hope of making it to the airport before his flight left without him.

"Ah, Dr. Sloan, good morning, sir," the doorman said as Mark stepped into the small lobby of the boutique inn Lexie had booked him into. He supposed she found some peace of mind in knowing he'd be in a small place where the staff knew his name – not that he had ever given her any reason to worry, but his reputation had preceded him in their relationship, and he knew she sometimes had difficulty reconciling it with the man she'd married.

"I need a cab," Mark said quickly, walking toward the front door.

"Actually, sir, your ride has been waiting for you."

"My what?"

The doorman nodded to the other end of the driveway as he held open the door for Mark to step through. Following his gaze, Mark groaned when he saw Derek leaning against a red sports car, his arms folded over his chest as he watched Mark's conversation with the doorman.

"That is _not_ my ride."

The doorman frowned and hesitated for a moment. "But he said…do you need me to call security, sir?"

Mark sighed and looked back at Derek before shaking his head. "Nah. I'll take care of it."

He handed the doorman the tip he'd been expecting before making his way down the driveway toward Derek.

"A Jaguar, Derek? Really?" Mark called out as he got closer. "How many times did we go over this? That piece of junk is overpriced and impossible to maintain, man. If you're going to drop a hundred grand, at least get yourself a ride you're not going to have to replace in three to five years."

Derek smirked and shook his head, twirling the keys between his fingers. "Wife won't let you drop that kind of cash on a car these days, will she?"

"Oh, you have no idea." This time it was Mark's turn to smirk as he thought about the pair of Porsches he and Lexie had treated themselves to for their fifteenth wedding anniversary a few years back. "What are you doing here, Derek?"

"I heard you were leaving today."

"So you thought you'd come say goodbye?"

"We need to talk, Mark. I figured you might need a ride to the airport, and that would give us a chance to have that talk."

"Did you talk to Addison?"

"I did."

"Then I have nothing to say to you." Mark paused and glanced at his watch. "But I am late, and the car looks new enough to still go fast."

"Just picked it up last month."

Mark sighed and nodded against his better judgment. "Alright, pop the trunk."

* * *

"So, uh, when did you and Addison become friends again?" Mark asked, tapping his fingers lightly on the door handle as Derek maneuvered his way through the streets of Manhattan. "I thought maybe the divorce would have killed that relationship."

"For a while, I thought it had. We put five more years into that marriage after…well, after you slept with my wife. I think when we finally threw in the towel, we were both pretty bitter about it. We didn't speak for another five years after that."

"So what happened?"

"She fell in love, got married…and then her husband got a brain tumor. I don't think I've ever been more shocked than the day I walked into my office to find her in there with my new patient. He'd already been to half a dozen of the best neurosurgeons on the Eastern seaboard, but none of them had been able to help him, so she figured it was time to bite the bullet and come see me."

"And you removed the tumor?"

"Nope. I told her there was nothing I could do. This was thirteen years ago, Mark. There was no viable treatment for a malignant glioma back then."

"So Addie's husband is dead?"

"She wouldn't take no for an answer. She found the clinical trial out in Seattle…"

"The Grey-Sloan method." Mark flashed a knowing grin as he interrupted Derek.

"Yeah." Derek paused and considered the name. "Meredith's trial. I'll admit I didn't give it much credence when Addie first told me about it."

"No one did. It drove Lexie nuts."

"Lexie?" Derek paused and frowned as he turned the name over in his head. "You mean Alexandra Sloan?"

"You know her?"

Derek shrugged. "Only by reputation. We've been introduced at a few medical conferences over the years, but she's not exactly the friendly sort."

Mark laughed. "I think maybe she just doesn't like you, Derek."

"How do you know that?"

"She's my wife."

"Your wife?" Derek stared incredulously at Mark.

"Of eighteen years, so wipe that shocked look off your face."

"Sorry," Derek muttered. "It's just…well, you never were the marrying type, Mark."

"Believe me, I would have been the first to tell you that. And then one day, I just sort of realized I'd been with the same woman for two whole years, and I wasn't even bored. I figured if I could do that, why not give marriage a shot?"

"I guess I'm just surprised you went for someone so…I don't know, _intelligent_. She's a top ten neurosurgeon, Mark."

"Yeah, I've heard. I think I should be insulted by that comment."

"I didn't mean…"

"I know exactly what you meant, Derek. No, she's not the typical blonde bimbo I went for when I lived in New York. Seattle changed me, even before I met Lexie."

"Right." Derek nodded awkwardly. "So, why exactly does your wife not like me?"

"Because she's Meredith's sister and she knows that you're her nieces' deadbeat dad."

"I am not…"

"Yeah, I get it, you didn't open the damn letters. I heard. And I really don't care. Fact is, the story Lexie knows is that you're a deadbeat dad."

"And that's…that's what my girls think too?"

Mark clenched his fists at Derek's use of the term 'my' but kept them firmly in his lap. "No," he said slowly. "They grew up thinking that Meredith didn't know who you were."

"What do you mean?"

"She told them the story of how you two met, only she stopped at the point where she woke up in the morning and didn't remember your name. Until Annie saw a copy of her birth certificate, both those girls thought you'd been a one night stand who had no clue they even existed."

"Wait…you expect me to believe that Meredith let people believe she'd had a drunken one night stand and didn't even know who the father of her baby was? Even though she could have told people I didn't want to be part of their lives?"

"I don't really care what you believe, Derek. That's the truth."

"But it makes her look terrible…why would she do that?"

Mark frowned and stared at Derek for a moment. "You really didn't know her at all, did you?"

"Of course I knew her!"

"Tell me about her parents, then."

"Her…just because I can't…"

"Meredith's parents divorced when she was five," Mark interrupted, putting an end to Derek's stammering. "Her mother moved her to Boston when she was seven, and she didn't see or hear from her father again until she contacted him twenty years later. Her mother's version of parenting was telling Meredith that she was useless. Meredith grew up believing her parents didn't want her, and she swore that as long she had any say in it, her daughters were not going to know that feeling. So if that meant she looked bad, so be it."

"Still, she didn't have to do that."

"Don't waste your breath. I had that argument with her the whole first year of their lives, Derek. Trust me, when Meredith sets her mind to something, you're better off staying out of the way – especially when her children are involved."

Derek sighed and nodded. "I wish I'd opened that damn letter."

"Would have saved us all a whole lot of trouble," Mark agreed.

"They're my kids, Mark," Derek said quietly. "I don't know them…I barely saw Annie, and I've never met Evelyn…I don't know what she looks like, I don't know what sort of people they are, what they like, what they dislike…I don't know them, but I do love them, Mark, and I want to fix this."

Mark sighed heavily, running a hand over his face and staring out the window as Derek pulled up to the curb at the airport.

"I can fix this, can't I?" Derek hesitated when Mark didn't respond. "Mark?"

"I don't know," Mark admitted as he opened the car door. "I just don't know, Derek."


	14. Giving

**A/N: **I'm home! Ugh, longest business trip ever...when you think you want a job with travel, be sure to specify the _where_, otherwise you may end up with a month in podunk! Anyway, sorry for the delay in getting this chapter up! I hope you all enjoy it!

* * *

Annie leaned back against the wall and scanned the surgical board. Although the names of the interns and residents were new to her, it was somewhat comforting to see it filled with familiar names too – Bailey; Kepner; C. Torres-Robbins; A. Torres-Robbins; and, of course, Grey.

"She'll be a while."

Annie turned and nodded as her aunt stopped beside her. "I figured as much. I think I could read a surgical board before I ever picked up a book."

Lexie laughed. "It wouldn't surprise me. I thought you were leaving today?"

"I am. I just stopped by to say goodbye."

"Are you coming back for Christmas?"

Annie frowned and shook her head. "I have to talk to Will about it, but I don't think so."

"I wish you'd at least think about it, sweetie. I know you have your own family now, but we're still you're family too. Molly and Alex are coming up from L.A. with the girls this year. And, well…this year, it'll be the first Christmas since Jackson died. I wouldn't think I need to tell you that it's not going to be an easy time. I think it would mean an awful lot to your mother if everyone were here for the holidays."

"I know, Aunt Lexie. And I want to come, I really do."

"But?"

Annie sighed and hesitated.

"Come on, Annette. It's me you're talking to. The cool aunt, remember?"

Annie smiled nervously and nodded. "It's really expensive, Aunt Lexie," she admitted. "We just spent all this money to go to New York, and then the last minute flight out here…it all adds up, and with Will in school and me about to go on maternity leave, things are really tight right now. I just don't think we have the money."

Lexie grinned. "Is that your only problem? I'll buy your tickets, sweetheart."

Annie shook her head immediately. "No, I can't let you do that, Aunt Lexie. I wasn't asking for your help, I just…"

"I know you weren't _asking_. You are far too much like your mother to ever _ask_ for help. But I hope you'll learn the same lesson she did, and at least accept it when it's offered."

"It'll get better," Annie said, almost more to herself than to Lexie. "When the kids are older, I'll be able to work full time again, and bring in more money than I do now. And when Will's out of med school, he's going to be a surgeon, and once we get through his residency, we'll get his loans paid off and…"

"Annie," Lexie interrupted sternly. "Listen to me, and listen good. There is _nothing_ wrong with needing a little help when you're starting out in life. You've got a husband in school, a four year old, a baby on the way…nobody will think any less of you if you're pinching pennies. Everyone needs a little help sometimes."

"Mom never did. She was a single mother of twins and she never needed anyone's help."

Lexie frowned and stared at Annie for a moment. "You really don't know, do you?"

"Know what?"

"Do you know what seven weeks in the NICU costs? Or fifteen weeks? Plus surgeries?"

"Mom had insurance, she didn't have to worry about that."

"Not everything is covered by insurance, Annie. By the time your mother came back to work when you were six months old, she owed this hospital a pretty massive chunk of money. Alex and Izzie's rent – when they remembered to actually pay it – was barely covering utilities and maintenance on the house. Everything else your mom had went to diapers and formula and baby clothes. There was never enough left for payments."

"You barely even knew Mom at that point, how could you know that?"

"I wasn't there, but my mom was," Lexie said. "Annie, there were weeks that I'm pretty sure your mother wouldn't have eaten if my mom hadn't bought her groceries. She almost mortgaged the house to pay those medical bills."

"But she didn't have to do that, did she?"

"No, she didn't. She went to get the final amount so she'd know what she needed from the house, and they told her that yours and Evelyn's bills had been paid in full."

"By who?"

Lexie shrugged. "Anonymous donor, I guess."

"How much money are we talking about?"

"A little over half a million dollars."

Annie nodded. "Uncle Mark."

"How did you…?"

"He's the only person Mom knew back then who would have had anywhere near that much money. I'm right, aren't I?"

"Yes."

"Does Mom know?"

"She's never mentioned it to me." Lexie hesitated for a moment. "But then again, I don't know if she knows that Mark told me. Your mother's smart, Annie, and she's had twenty-two years to think about it. I'd be shocked if she hadn't figured it out at some point."

"But why would he do that? He wasn't even my godfather yet."

"I think he's always felt a little bit responsible for your mother's situation back then."

"Why?"

Lexie hesitated, realizing she'd probably said more than she should. "It's a long story – one that's probably best saved for another time. Besides, my point isn't about why he helped your mother. My point is that even your mother needed a lot of help when she was getting started."

"Yeah, but…"

"No buts. There is no shame in accepting a little help, Annie. You'll understand that someday. And in the meantime, you can consider the plane tickets a Christmas present from Mark and I. Okay?"

Annie smiled. "Yeah, okay."

* * *

"So, should I assume from that look on your face that it didn't go so well this morning?"

Derek looked up from his desk and shrugged as Addison walked into his office and took a seat on the couch on the opposite side of the room.

"Could have been worse, I guess."

"He didn't give you another black eye this time."

Derek offered up a wry smile. "Well, that's something."

"So what happens now?" Addison asked anxiously. "Is he going to tell them about you?"

"I don't think so." Derek sighed and leaned back in his chair. "Honestly, Addie, I'm starting to think that maybe Mark's right – maybe I don't have any right to be barging into their lives like this."

Addison stared at him incredulously. "Are you kidding me? You're their _father_, Derek."

"In name only." Derek shook his head. "For twenty-two years, they didn't even know my name. Now all of a sudden I'm just going to show up and expect them to welcome me with open arms?"

"Derek…"

"I don't know anything about them, Addison. I don't know what they like, what they dislike, who their friends are. I don't know what they studied in school, what they do for a living. Hell, I don't even know their middles names."

"You can learn…" Addison began, stopping at the sound of movement at the door.

"Cristina and Miranda."

Addison and Derek both stared in surprise at their unexpected visitor.

"What the…?" Derek muttered.

"Their full names are Annette Cristina and Evelyn Miranda Grey." Mark sighed, pausing for a moment before continuing. "I don't know where she got the first names, but Meredith's got this thing about naming her kids after people. Her friends, her boss, her stepmother…it's kind of unoriginal, if you ask me."

"Aren't you supposed to be half way to Seattle by now?" Derek asked in confusion.

Mark shrugged and leaned against the door frame, ignoring Derek's question. "Annie married young, didn't go to college. Evelyn went U-Dub, majored in biochemistry. Annie lives in Chicago, her husband's in med school. Evie's still in Seattle, lives in Meredith's old house with a bunch of her friends. Annie's favorite color is red, Evelyn's is yellow. Annie loves anything by Jane Austen, Evelyn claims to not pick favorites – but she's got a copy of _The Count of Monte Cristo_ that she's read so many times the cover fell off. Don't ask me about their favorite bands, all I know is that they're loud. Annie loves to cook, and she's pretty at it these days. Don't ever let Evie near a kitchen, she's liable to blow something up."

"Oh come on, it can't be that bad," Addison interjected.

"No, I'm quite serious," Mark assured her. "She blew up the microwave when she was eight, and it's been downhill ever since."

"Blew it up?"

Mark smirked. "When Meredith was pregnant the second time, she was on bed rest for the last month of the pregnancy, so my mother-in-law moved in to help out with the girls while everyone else was at work. And let me tell you, Susan is an amazing cook. So made this batch of muffins for the girls and froze them in little individual packages so they'd last. One morning, Evie decided she wanted one, so she stuck it in the microwave to defrost it…only Susan had tied the packages with those little twist-ties that have the strip of metal down the middle."

"And the thing blew up?"

"We had the fire department out and everything. Evie was so scared Meredith was going to be angry, but Mer thought it was the funniest thing."

"Why are you telling me this, Mark?"

Mark sighed and looked at Derek. "Because this isn't what anyone wanted, Derek. Meredith never wanted her girls to grow up without you. And the only reason I didn't fly out here and drag your ass back to Seattle twenty-two years ago was that I thought you already knew. I still don't think this is a good idea, but it was never supposed to be this way in the first place. She wanted you to know. If she knew that you didn't know, I don't think there's anything she wouldn't have done to track you down. Did you know she had your mother's, yours sisters' and probably half your cousins' addresses?"

"For what?"

"In case you didn't write back. If you hadn't responded to her letter, she was going to write to every Shepherd in the damn tri-state area to find you. Can you imagine your mother getting that letter?"

Addison chuckled. "Your mother would have blown a gasket, Derek."

Derek smiled sadly. "She would have hated how it happened, but she would have loved knowing that I had kids. You know how much she wanted grandkids from me, Addie."

Addison nodded. "Carolyn would have loved those girls, I'm sure."

"Am I missing something here?" Mark asked in confusion. "What's with the past tense?"

"Mom died the day after Christmas last year."

Mark groaned and ran his fingers through his hair. "Shit, Derek, I'm sorry. I hadn't heard. Was she sick?"

Derek shook his head. "She just went to bed that night and didn't wake up the next morning. She was ready, I think. She wasn't going to be able to stay in the house by herself much longer, and she'd always said, she'd go to a home over her dead body. It was the best way it could have ended, but…"

"Yeah. I'm sorry, man. Your mom was a great lady."

"She was always on me to call you, make amends or something. I was never quite sure which part of 'Mark slept with my wife' she hadn't understood, but she had it in her head that I needed to forgive you and call you up."

"Maybe it's a good thing you didn't," Addison said.

"Why?"

"Well, if you had, Mark would have told you he was happily married, which probably would have been enough of a shock to give Carolyn a heart attack right then and there."


	15. Getting Involved

**A/N:** Okay, for some reason FF seems to not be letting me reply to reviews - but please know that I do appreciate each and every one!

* * *

Lexie shifted a bag of groceries onto her hip, fumbling with her keys as she half listened to the excuses Mark was offering through the Bluetooth in her ear.

"Mark," she finally interrupted, pushing the front door open and adjusting the groceries again as she stepped into the house. "Shut up."

"Excuse me?"

"It's been almost three weeks since you got back from New York, and every day, you tell me you'll talk to her _tomorrow_." Lexie paused in the entryway, kicking out her foot to close the door. "I've had enough of that bullshit. Either you talk to Meredith tonight when you get home from work, or I'm going to do it for you."

"I thought you were going to let me handle this," Mark protested wearily. "I will talk to her. I just need to find the right time."

"Mark, there's never going to be a right time to tell her that her ex wants to meet the girls."

"I know, but…"

"Tonight, Mark."

"Fine," Mark grumbled. "I have to get back to work. I'll see you when I get home tonight."

"Don't be late," Lexie cautioned.

"Wouldn't dream of it. Love you."

Lexie smiled. "I love you too."

Hearing the click from the other end of the line, Lexie removed her ear piece and set it on the counter next to the groceries before reaching into the bag to begin unloading.

* * *

That night, Mark felt like he was holding his breath as he knocked lightly on the door to Meredith's bedroom.

"Come in."

Mark pushed open the door and looked inside, where Meredith was sitting cross-legged on her bed, paperwork spread out around her.

"Bringing work home with you?"

Meredith nodded a bit sheepishly. "New consult. The request came in right before I left the hospital today. Figured I'd get a head start on it before the morning."

Mark nodded quietly, knowing as well as she did that the case could easily have waited until morning, just like all the others she'd been bringing home to work on overnight the last few months. It wasn't unusual to walk by her room at three or four in the morning and find the lights still on. Some days he wasn't sure how she managed to be alert enough for her surgeries, but she seemed to be getting through the days as well as could be expected.

"Did you need something, Mark?"

Mark shrugged. "Just figured we hadn't talked a lot lately, so I thought I'd check in."

"You're a terrible liar, Mark Sloan." Meredith scooped up her paperwork and dropped it to the floor by the bed, patting the now empty space next her with the palm of her hand. "But come on in anyway. Have a seat."

"You know, I'm not sure my wife would approve of me being in another woman's bed."

Meredith smacked him playfully as he sat down. "You're not _in_ my bed, you're on it. That's different."

"I suppose so."

"So what did you want to talk about?"

"I don't know. Had any good cases lately?"

"Mark, you're Chief of Surgery, you sign off on all my cases. You'd know if I'd had anything interesting. Why don't we get to what you really came up here to talk about?"

"Yeah, I guess we probably should."

"Are you going to make me guess?"

Mark shook his head. "I doubt you could even if you tried."

"Well, there aren't all that many choices. Either you're here for another 'Meredith, we're really concerned about how you're handling your grief and we really want you to talk to someone' talk or you're here to talk to me about your fake consult in New York City last month."

"Wait…how did you know that I…"

"Next time you make up a consult, you might want to write your cover story. Your patient had a completely different diagnosis every time I talked to you."

"She did?"

Meredith nodded. "Not to mention the fact that when you left, you told me your patient was a guy."

"Crap," Mark muttered. "So I guess you can figure out why I really went?"

"Doesn't take a genius to figure that one out, no. How was Derek?"

"I sort of punched him out in the middle of the surgical floor."

"Sort of punched him?"

"Okay, so I decked him. It's not what I had intended to do when I showed up there. It just sort of happened."

"I'm not sure I wouldn't have done the same thing, although probably with less effect than you had." Meredith hesitated for a moment, as though waiting for Mark to say something else. "Mark, why are telling me this?"

"Because I found something out, Mer…something you need to know."

"What?"

"Derek didn't know, Meredith. He didn't know about the girls."

Meredith shook her head. "That's impossible…you saw the letter, Mark. He was very clear about what he wanted, and it didn't include me or our daughters."

"Meredith, he never specifically mentioned the girls in that letter. We just assumed that was what he meant because he said he'd received your letter. But what if he never opened it?"

"I don't understand. I told him, Mark…he knew. He had to know."

"I'm not saying you didn't try, Meredith. There was no way you could have known he wasn't going to open those letters."

"But he said…"

"He said he got the letters, and he said he wanted you to stop writing so he could work on his marriage. He didn't say anything about the girls specifically."

"No, I'm sure he did."

Mark sighed and reached into his pocket, pulling out the wrinkled letter and handing it to Meredith.

"I thought you were going to get rid of this," Meredith commented as she unfolded the page.

"I don't listen well. Read it, Meredith."

Meredith nodded as she scanned the page, her breath hitching as she got to the parts she'd thought she remembered so clearly.

"He didn't know, Meredith."

"It never made any sense to me. I've spent twenty-two years hating him for what he did…hating myself for thinking he'd be different. I'm not the greatest at reading people, but I really thought I knew him. And the man I thought I knew, he never would have turned his back on his own children. And now…now you're saying he didn't?"

"No one is saying this is your fault."

"I suppose he wants to meet the girls?"

"He does…if you're okay with that."

Meredith shook her head. "It's not my decision to make. They're adults now. Who they chose to have a relationship with, or not have a relationship with, that's up to them."

"I just think it might be easier – for everyone – if you were involved."

"I don't want to be in the middle of this, Mark. I can ask the girls, and if they want to see him, I can tell them how to reach him. But I don't want to be involved beyond that."

"I think he'd like to see you, too."

"That's not going to happen."

"Meredith…"

"Maybe he didn't know about the girls, fine. Maybe he didn't realize that he'd be hurting them. But he knew writing that letter would hurt me. And I get that he had an obligation to his wife. I understand that. But it took me a long time to get over being hurt by him. It took a long time to be able to trust a relationship the way I trusted what I had with Derek. So he'll just have to deal with the fact that we have way too much history for me to ever want to see him again."

"That's a little bit harsh, don't you think?"

"Mark…"

"Okay, okay." Mark threw up his hands in defeat. "I'm sorry."

"No, I shouldn't have snapped. I'm just…just tired, that's all."

"Are you getting any sleep at all?" Mark didn't bother to mask the concern in his voice.

"Some…enough, I guess."

"Are you taking the pills the doc gave you?"

Meredith glared at him. "Thanks for your concern, Mom."

"Meredith, she gave you those pills for a reason. You need to sleep."

"I'm _fine_, Mark."

Mark scoffed but didn't protest, having heard enough of Meredith's 'fine' over the last two plus decades to know that even if he didn't believe her, nothing he said was going to have much impact. He nodded as he reached out and put an arm around her shoulders, leaning in to kiss her on the cheek.

"Okay. You know where to find me if you need me."

* * *

Derek sat on the edge of his couch, staring at the envelopes on his coffee table as though he were waiting for them to do something. The postmarks were twenty-three years old, and the corners of the envelopes had begun to yellow with age over the years, but he'd never once even considered tossing them. Up until Mark had showed up, they'd been a link to a past he'd thought he knew, to a woman he'd let slip through his fingers. Now, they took on a whole new meaning – they were his only connection to the family he'd never dreamed possible.

Picking up the last envelope he'd received, all the way back in the middle of February 2006, Derek slowly broke the seal and pulled out the pages inside. As he unfolded them and started to read, he couldn't remember a time when he'd ever been as nervous as he was right then.

_Dear Derek,_

_Well, they're here. I don't even know if you got my first letters – if you didn't, I suppose this letter doesn't make much sense so far. So, in case you don't know, I suppose I ought to catch you up. Not long after you left Seattle, I found out that I was pregnant. With twins, no less. And yes, I'm sure they're yours. There was no one else._

_If you did get my last letter, you know I had preterm labor just before Christmas. They managed to stop the contractions and I went on hospital bed rest. Obviously, that didn't work for long. Our daughters were born January 7__th__, at a gestational age of 28 weeks. I wish you were here to see them, Derek. We have two beautiful little girls – Evelyn Miranda and Annette Cristina._

_They're so tiny, Derek – three pounds, four ounces and two pounds, eleven ounces. They're going to be in the NICU for a long time. They're only a week and a half old, but Evelyn's already had one surgery, and she'll probably need more before she's able to go home. Annette seems to be doing a bit better – her lungs are still underdeveloped, and she's on a feeding tube, but she's getting stronger every day._

_I know you're married, and if I were your wife, I know I'd be pretty pissed off if your ex-mistress popped up with two kids. But these girls deserve to have their father in their lives, Derek. I'm not asking you to leave your wife – I just want you to be their father. I don't know how, but I know we could find a way to make this work._

_I've enclosed a picture of the girls – they're still in their incubators, so I know the flash is a bit awkward on the glass, but it was the best I could do._

_Meredith_

Derek held his breath as he reached into the envelope and pulled out the Polaroid picture Meredith had tucked inside. The girls were lying in neighboring incubators, tubes coming out from all directions. He'd seen a lot of premature babies in his years as a doctor, and he knew how tiny they could be, but it still took his breath away to see them.

If Derek had thought reading Meredith's words would upset him, he was surprised to find that it had the opposite effect. As he sat there staring at that picture, he knew exactly what he needed to do, with or without Mark's help. And he wasn't going to wait another day to do it.

Derek Shepherd was going to Seattle.


	16. It Gets Better

**A/N:** Thank you all so much for the wonderful reviews! I wish I could respond to them directly, but the link still seems to not be working (boo!). This chapter provides a bit of a broader glimpse of Meredith's "family" as it stands now, so I hope you all enjoy it! This is one of the fun things about writing a future fic - I do try to incorporate most of the events that happened on the show but I also have the freedom to "fix" certain things that I did not agree with when they happened...I think you'll understand after you read this chapter!

* * *

As he pulled his rental car up against the curb across the street from Meredith's house and put it in park, Derek took a moment to look around the neighborhood. He was somewhat surprised he'd be able to find it so easily after all these years, with only one minor wrong turn on his way from the airport. He supposed there were just some things you didn't forget, even after more than two decades.

The neighborhood looked almost exactly as he remembered it looking all those years ago. A few of the houses had fresher coats of paint, a few yards had been spruced up, but for the most part, he felt almost like he was stepping back in time. He could see that the non-functional swing on Meredith's porch had been replaced with a bench, but beyond that, he couldn't see any changes to the house, at least not on the exterior. Meredith seemed to have left things as they were.

Assuming Meredith even lived there, he thought to himself. It hadn't occurred to him until his flight had landed that morning that perhaps he really was jumping the gun here. He didn't even know where she lived. What were the odds that after all these years, she'd still be living in that same house? Other than driving straight to Seattle Grace-Mercy West, though, he couldn't think of any other place to at least start looking – and he thought he knew Meredith well enough to know she certainly wouldn't want their first meeting to be someplace as public as her workplace.

After almost an hour of staring at what looked like an empty house, wondering if was ever going to get up the nerve to walk up to the front porch and at least knock on the door, he started to think that maybe he'd made a mistake. Maybe it would have been better to wait for Mark to arrange it all, to talk to Meredith and work everything out for him. What had he been thinking, flying out without warning? And two days before Christmas?

He was just beginning to think about driving away, getting a hotel room somewhere for a few days before possibly trying again after the holidays, when the car pulled up in front of the house. A petite young woman with a long ponytail of dirty blonde hair popped quickly out of the passenger's side door and hurried around to open the trunk. Derek found himself holding his breath as he watched her – he vaguely remembered Mark mentioning that Evelyn had dark hair, but this young woman looked so strikingly like Meredith, he had to wonder if maybe he was remembering the wrong details. This _had_ to be the daughter he'd never seen.

At least, that was what he thought until a few moments later, when the driver's side door finally opened and another young woman stepped around to the back of the car. The second he saw her, he knew who she was. If he'd been holding his breath before, it was completely knocked out of him by the sight of this young woman who was so obviously a Shepherd. It wasn't that she looked exactly like him, because she didn't, but she did look exactly like his family. In fact, he was fairly certain that if he were to put her side by side with a picture of his baby sister, Amelia, when she was in her early twenties, it would have been virtually impossible to tell them apart.

In spite of the chillingly cold winter air, Derek cracked his window just a bit, knowing it was wrong to simply sit there and eavesdrop, but unable to resist the urge to just watch for a few moments more.

"Come on, Laura, would you just tell me what you got her? So I know we didn't get the same thing?"

"Not a chance in hell, Evie," the other young woman – Laura, it seemed – shouted back toward the car, her arms full of wrapped packages as she made her way up to the front porch. "Now hurry up and get over here with your key, it's freezing out here!"

With that, Evelyn slammed the trunk shut, picking up a few bags she'd set next to the car before half-running up the front walk, a set of keys dangling from one finger. Both girls quickly disappeared inside the house, and Derek found himself once again alone with his thoughts.

He wondered if it would be in appropriate to show up with Meredith not there. Clearly Annie had found out he existed, but had she shared that information with her sister? If he were to knock on the door at that moment, would she even know who he was?

As he sat there debating that question, a minivan pulled up in front of the house. Once again, he cracked the window open – just in case.

Mark stepped out of the driver's side, laughing about something as he pulled open the sliding door to the back seat. Derek could honestly say that was a sight he'd never thought he'd see – Mark Sloan, the ultimate Manhattan playboy, driving a minivan. He knew his sisters would just die if they could see what Derek was seeing now.

He hadn't asked Mark if he and his wife had children, but it still surprised him when three boys, all probably about ten years old, piled out of the back seat – at least until Mark said something, and he heard the three exclaim "Uncle Mark!" in unison. That brought a laugh from the woman who'd stepped out of the back seat behind the boys. Her short blonde hair was streaked with gray and her face tinged with wrinkles, but he still thought he saw a striking resemblance to Meredith. He knew Mark's wife was her sister, but he'd met Alexandra Sloan several times over the years. Mark's wife was tall, brunette and slender. This woman, while not unattractive, was shorter, grayish-blonde and a bit soft around the middle – not overweight, perhaps, but definitely showing the results of carrying several children.

"George, Charlie, stop horsing around and get back here and give me a hand with this suitcases!"

Derek recognized the voice and face of the man removing bags from the trunk of the minivan, although he couldn't quite put a name to them. It was one of the other interns from Meredith's year, he was sure of that. Something with an 'A', he thought…Alan, maybe?

Regardless of his name, the two blonde boys seemed to respond quickly to his instruction, and he thought he heard one of them call him "Dad." There was a strong resemblance between the former intern and the two boys, and Derek supposed it wasn't unreasonable to assume that they were, in fact, his sons. The third boy, though, didn't seem to quite fit in with the other two. Whereas they were loud and boisterous, he seemed almost withdrawn, and hung back, hovering quietly near Mark, offering up only a half-smile at what Derek figured were Mark's attempts at a joke.

It was only a few minutes after the group finally disappeared inside the house that the next car pulled up. By this point, there were only a few spaces left near the house, and Derek began to wonder why no one had parked in the driveway. He supposed there must be some general understanding about it being reserved for someone.

He held his breath as Annie stepped out of the car, looking even more pregnant than she had the last time he'd seen her. A tall, dark-skinned young man hurried around to help her out of the car, and he almost laughed at the way she tried to swat away his arm, which he wrapped protectively around her waist. An argument seemed to ensure over who would carry a bag that she was trying to pull out of the backseat. All the while, a little boy with golden corkscrew curls and olive skin ran circles around the car, his arms stretched out like he was about to take flight.

All of a sudden, Derek had to turn away from the scene, leaning back against the seat and squeezing his eyes shut. It felt as though someone had slammed a brick into his chest as the thought hit him – this was his family. That was his daughter, his son-in-law, his grandchild. He'd gone from being alone to being a father to being a grandfather so quickly his head was spinning.

When he finally looked back across the street, two more cars had pulled up in front of the house. The occupants of one must have already gone inside, but standing next to Annie, with his grandson in her arms, he recognized the small but powerful figure of Miranda Bailey. He'd known from the first day he'd worked with her that she was going places, but even he couldn't have predicted her almost meteoric rise from attending to Chief of Surgery to Chief of Staff. The sheer speed of it all had left the surgical community stunned, but he had yet to meet anyone who had ever worked with her who would deny the merits of her promotions.

Eventually, the trio of adults took the little boy and made their way into the house, leaving Derek to stare across at the house as the sun began to set. He wondered if Meredith had returned in that brief moment he'd had his eyes closed. Had he really missed her? And if she were home, did he even want to talk to her with all these people around?

The streetlights had turned on by the time a small four-door sedan pulled up to the house and into the driveway. Derek wasn't sure why he'd been expecting a Jeep to pull up. As much as she had loved that car, he knew it wasn't the most child-friendly vehicle, and he supposed it was probably one of many aspects of Meredith's life that had gotten the boot when the girls arrived. He waited anxiously for the car door to open so he could catch a glimpse of her, but although the headlights turned off, the doors remained closed for what seemed like an eternity.

In reality, it was at least fifteen minutes before the driver's and passenger's side doors opened almost simultaneously. An older woman Derek didn't recognize slowly exited from the passenger's side, and just a moment later, Meredith emerged from the driver's side. When she stepped into the spotlight cast by the streetlight, Derek almost smiled. There were a few streaks of gray in her shoulder-length hair, but from that distance, she looked practically the same as the woman he'd last seen nearly twenty-three years earlier. When she turned her head to the side, though, he could have sworn it looked as though she'd been crying.

* * *

Meredith silently maneuvered her car into the driveway, putting her head back against the seat and sighing as she put it in park and pulled the keys out of the ignition.

"Sweetheart, are you sure you don't want to have Molly and Alex and the boys stay with me? You look like you could use a break."

Meredith slowly turned her head to the side and smiled wearily, knowing there were a lot of implications hidden in that offer.

"What are you really trying to say, Mom?"

"I'm not…"

"Just say it, whatever you want to say to me."

"I'm worried about you, Meredith," the older woman admitted. "You can't keep going on like this. You're about to fall apart."

"I just have to get through the next couple of weeks, Mom…"

"And how many times have you said that this year? Meredith, you haven't slowed down for one minute since the shooting. You're starting to – and please know that I say this because I love you – you are falling apart at the seams, Meredith."

"I'm doing the best I can," Meredith insisted.

"I know you are, sweetheart. I just think you need…I don't know, some time off or something to really process everything. You spend so much time worrying need time to focus on yourself."

"How do you know that will help?"

"Because I've been where you are, Meredith. After your father died, I thought that was it…I thought I'd never be able to be happy again. And there isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss him and wish he were here to see you and Lexie and Molly, and all his grandbabies…but as much as it still hurts, it does get better, Meredith, if you just take the time to let it. It gets better."

Meredith nodded, biting her lower lip to try to stop the tears she felt coming. "I hope so, Mom. I really hope so."

"Oh sweetheart, come here."

Meredith finally stopped biting her lip and let herself cry as she reached across the seat and let herself be pulled into a tight embrace. She supposed that there should be something strange about it, but even at nearly fifty, she still thought there was nothing quite like a mother's hug.

Of course, Susan Grey wasn't Meredith's biological mother, but it had been at least fifteen years since that distinction had seemed to matter to anyone. Meredith hadn't exactly warmed to Susan when her father and stepmother had popped into her life out of the blue all those years ago. They'd had a cordial relationship – if you could call a few hospital visits and one fairly disastrous at-home dinner an actual relationship. But then her father had gotten the hiccups, and Susan had brought him to Seattle Grace on the off chance they'd run into Meredith, even if she was technically on leave. And then, because nothing in Meredith's life could ever be simple, those hiccups had killed him.

So she had done what she assumed was the "good" daughter thing – she had put on a nice black dress and shown up at the funeral; been awkwardly introduced to the sisters she'd never met; and stood politely in a receiving line as strangers told her what a wonderful man her father had been. Afterward, she had hugged Susan briefly, told her to call or drop by if she needed anything, and assumed that that was the last time she would ever see her stepmother. After all, people didn't tend to stick around in Meredith's life for very long, and she had no reason to assume Susan would be any different.

It had taken nearly a decade of Susan dropping with groceries, babysitting the girls, buying birthday presents and showing up for every holiday imaginable before Meredith truly accepted that she had been wrong, and that Susan Grey wasn't going anywhere. She still wasn't quite sure when exactly she'd stopped thinking of her as her stepmother, or 'Thatcher's wife,' and begun thinking of her as family.

Somewhere around the twins' tenth birthday, she'd found herself arguing with Lexie over something. Susan had stepped in to play peacemaker, and before Meredith even realized what she was saying, she'd snapped "leave it alone, Mom," in her direction. There had been an awkward pause for a brief moment, and then Lexie had jumped right back into the argument as though nothing had happened. There never was any discussion of it, but from that day on, Susan hadn't been anything other than 'Mom' to Meredith.

"I'm really glad you're here, Mom," Meredith whispered.

"You know I wouldn't be anywhere else." Susan smiled as she pulled back gently and wiped away a few of Meredith's tears. "Come on. What do you say we go inside and see if the boys have torn apart the house yet?"

* * *

Derek glanced at his watch and then back across the street at the house. It had been about half an hour since Meredith had gone inside, and he still wasn't sure what his next move should be. Go inside? Come back another day?

Eventually, he decided there were simply too many people there that evening. If no one even knew he existed, how much chaos would it cause for him to ring the bell and announce himself? No, it was best if he waited and came back in a few days, when things were quieter. It would mean spending Christmas alone in a hotel room, but he supposed it wasn't really all that much different than spending it alone in his apartment, which was what he'd been planning to do for the holiday.

He was just about to reach across the seat to where he'd tossed the keys when a sharp, sudden knock on the window caused him to nearly jump out of his skin. Quickly, he rolled down the window and squinted to see who was standing there in the darkness.

"You've been here all day. Were you planning on sitting here all night too? Or were you actually going to get off your ass and come knock on our door?"


	17. Hatred

**A/N:** Thank you all for your patience waiting for this chapter! The good news is, the next one will be up much faster, as it was supposed to be part of this chapter, but it just turned out to be far too much for one chapter. So I had to split it up. I know a lot of you are eagerly waiting for Derek to really sit down with the girls - it's coming, I promise! In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

* * *

"_You've been here all day. Were you planning on sitting here all night too? Or were you actually going to get off your ass and come knock on our door?"_

Derek stared out the window in surprise, managing to stammer out some sort of incomprehensible response.

"Yeah, I didn't think so." Evelyn crossed her arms over her chest and leaned against the side of the car's hood, turning her head to look at Derek. "So what was the plan? Sweep into town, drive up to the house and be the big returning hero?"

"No, I…"

Evelyn shook her head and held up her hand. "Don't bother, Derek. I really don't care why you're here or what you thought you were going to do when you got here. Whatever it was, it's not going to happen."

"I just want the chance to talk to you, Evelyn," Derek insisted. "I just want to get to know you and your sister. You're my daughters."

Evelyn shook her head. "No, we're not."

"I know you're angry at me, and you have every right to be. But I didn't know, Evelyn, I don't know if anyone has told you that part of the story. All I'm asking for is a chance."

"I talked to Mom this morning, she told me what Uncle Mark said. But you know what? I don't really give a damn what you knew or didn't know. I don't care whose DNA made me – that's not what makes a father."

"Well, actually…"

Evelyn pushed herself away from the car, her hands on her hips as she stared straight at him. "Don't lecture me on the science of it all, because that's not what I'm talking about. Annie and I…our father is the man who showed up at every soccer game, every piano recital, every awards ceremony. He's the man who took us shopping, who was there for Christmases and birthdays and graduations. He's the man who stayed up until three in the morning for a week straight to study with me so I wouldn't fail calculus my senior year of high school. He's the man who walked Annie down the aisle on her wedding day. So I've got a news flash for you, Derek Shepherd…it doesn't matter what you knew or what you came here to do, you can't go back in time and you will _never_ be that man."

"Evelyn…" Derek's heart stopped for a split second at the sound of the female voice coming out of the darkness. Evelyn, on the other hand, simply groaned and turned toward it.

"What?"

"Go inside, Evie," she instructed.

"But Mom…"

"Evelyn Miranda, let me handle this."

Evelyn groaned and nodded, tossing up her hands in defeat. "Fine, fine, I'm going."

Meredith waited until Evelyn had made it all the way to the front door before finally stepping forward enough to allow Derek to see her in the glow of the street lights. Sticking her hands in the front pocket of her jeans, she glanced down at her feet as Derek stepped out of the car and took a step forward, stopping about a foot in front of her.

"She hates me, Meredith."

Meredith shook her head. "She doesn't hate you."

"Did you hear what she said?"

"I did." Meredith almost smirked at her next thought. "Trust me, if you think that was bad, you wouldn't have lasted fifteen minutes of the teenage years. She doesn't hate you, Derek. She doesn't know you well enough to hate you."

Derek nodded, an awkward silence falling over the pair for a few moments before Meredith looked back at the house and sighed. Someone had just plugged in the Christmas lights, and the front porch was now glowing with the bright colors the kids insisted on every year.

"You shouldn't be here, Derek."

"I have to be here, Meredith. I have to at least try to get them to understand."

"You should have waited until Mark called you. You can't be here today."

"I just want a chance…"

"I'm not saying you can't have that chance, Derek, that's not up to me. All I'm saying is you can't have it today."

"Then when?"

Meredith shook her head and sighed. "Come back on Friday. If the girls want to meet you, they'll be here."

"And you?"

"I'll be here, but only for the girls. I don't hate you, Derek, but I don't want you around. I have far too much else to deal with to deal with you as well."

"Oh, well, you'll just have to excuse me for not coordinating with _your_ schedule."

"Don't you dare," Meredith snapped. "Don't you dare make me out to the be the bad guy here. This isn't about my schedule, this isn't about me…this is about my family, Derek. If it weren't, if it were just about me, I'd tell you to go straight to hell and not look back. And my family has been through enough this last year, I'll be damned if I'm going to let you hurt any one of my children. But…but it's not just about me, and as much as I hate it, you do have a right, if they want it, to have a relationship with Annie or Evelyn. But you will do it on their terms, not yours, and you will not do it under my roof and you will not involve me or my younger children. Are we clear?"

"Younger children?" Derek asked in confusion.

Meredith sighed. She hadn't counted on Mark not telling Derek about them. "I have a seventeen year old daughter and a ten year old son."

Derek nodded. "And their father?"

Meredith's jaw clenched at the thought of discussing her late husband with Derek. "He's none of your business. Are we clear on my terms or not?"

"Yeah, we're clear," Derek agreed reluctantly.

"Good." Meredith nodded. "Friday at noon. If either of the girls wants to see you, they'll be here. You can take them out to lunch or something."

"And what am I supposed to do for the next two and a half days?"

"Tomorrow's Christmas Eve, go home and see your family, Derek. Or don't. Stay here, get a hotel room, ride the ferry boats back and forth for two days straight. I don't honestly care, as long as you aren't _here_."

* * *

Meredith smiled as she looked at the sleeping bodies spread around her crowded living room. She should have known everyone would end up down here in spite of her efforts. Most of the adults had been assigned the various beds throughout the house for the night – a feat which had required quite a bit of creative rearranging on Meredith's part, as it had only dawned on her the week before that this house had three fewer bedrooms than the one she had just moved out of.

She'd protested loudly when Jackson had first showed her that house – at the time, little Suzie had been barely a month old and they'd only been an "official" couple for about seven months. Meredith had insisted that there was no possible way they could ever fill a seven bedroom house. After all, she'd asked him pointedly, exactly how many more children did he expect she'd be pushing out? Her mother's house had always been packed full of interns and residents, but she'd promised him they'd be leaving that behind too – no houseguests longer than four nights, a week max.

In the end, he'd worn her down quickly and they'd bought the oversized house. It had turned out to be a good thing, too, as her well-intentioned houseguest rule had been thrown out the window barely six months after they'd moved in…

_Meredith tip-toed out of Suzie's room, carefully shutting the door behind her without making a sound. She hoped the rain let up soon, or she knew she'd be in for a long night with a cranky baby – it was just her luck that she'd end up with a baby who couldn't stand the sound of rain, especially living in Seattle. She glanced in the door of the twins' room briefly, making sure they were both still tucked soundly into their beds. She'd offered them their own rooms, but they'd refused, preferring to stay together. Meredith had a feeling that wouldn't last long once they hit the teenage years – their drastically different social personalities were already obvious – but for now, she certainly wasn't going to argue with it._

_She'd just reached the bottom of the stairs when she heard a knock on the door. "Damn it, Jackson Avery," she muttered to herself as she walked toward the door. "I'm going to tie that damn key around your neck next time."_

_Pulling open the front door, she nearly closed it again when she realized who was standing there. "You do realize it's almost midnight, right?"_

"_I…I'm sorry, I didn't know where else to go…Mom's on that church retreat and Lexie…she and Mark are on their cruise, and I just…I had to get out, and I didn't know…"_

"_Oh God, Molly…" Meredith gasped as her sister stepped slightly forward, just enough so that the porch light allowed Meredith to see the fresh bruises on the left side of her face, and the frightened little girl hiding behind her legs. Stepping back, Meredith pulled open the front door a little wider. "Come in, you're going to freeze to death out there."_

* * *

"_He wasn't always like this," Molly said softly, wincing as Meredith taped up a small cut on her forehead. They'd settled Laura in one of the spare bedrooms, and had been sitting quietly in the kitchen for the last half an hour._

"_I know."_

"_He used to be so sweet and funny and…" Molly sighed and squeezed her eyes shut as the tears starting welling up again. "We were fourteen when we met."_

_Meredith set down the bandages and stared at her youngest sister, a woman she still barely knew. "Seriously?"_

_Molly smiled slightly. "We sort of grew up together. There was a time when I didn't have to ask, I'd just know what he was thinking. It was the last deployment that did it, I think. I don't know what he did over there, he won't talk about it…but it's haunting him, I know that much. Most days, it's like he's not even in the same room, and when he is…he's not the man I married."_

"_Has this happened before?"_

_Molly hesitated for a moment. "A couple of times."_

"_How many is a couple?"_

"_I don't know. He's angry all the time, he yells a lot…but actually hitting me? Probably three or four times, I guess."_

"_And Laura?"_

"_Oh, God, no," Molly gasped and shook her head. "He'd never hurt her, Meredith."_

"_Molly…"_

"_I know how that sounds, I do…and tonight was bad, I know that, but he'd never hurt Laura."_

_Meredith sighed and nodded. "You're not going back to him, right?"_

"_I don't know."_

_Meredith frowned and looked at her sister. Hesitating for only a moment, she reached out and touched just above the cut on Molly's cheek. "If he'd hit you here, he probably would have damaged the optic nerve. You'd be blind in at least the left eye. And here…" Meredith moved her fingers up toward the hairline, where she'd seen a scar from what she assumed was an earlier incident. "It looks like he threw you into something, maybe a table. A little more force on that one and you're lying on my operating table with bleeding in your brain – assuming you even make it to the hospital, which a lot of people with that injury don't."_

"_What…why are you telling me this?"_

_Meredith bit her lower lip as the tears streamed down Molly's face. "I know you think you know what you're dealing with, but you don't. Maybe I'm not the best person to have this conversation with you, but I'm the one who's here. You can't go back, Molly."_

"_We just moved back a few months ago. Where am I supposed to go?"_

"_You can stay here," Meredith said without even realizing what she was saying until the words were out of her mouth._

"_What?"_

"_I've got four extra bedrooms. You and Laura can stay as long as it takes to get back on your feet."_

Meredith smiled as she looked at Alex sprawled out on the couch, Molly tucked up against him with his arm wrapped protectively around her waist as they slept. Molly had ended up staying at Meredith's for nearly five years, long after her divorce was finalized and she was comfortably settled into a new job at a local elementary school. It was about two years after Molly moved in that Izzie got cancer, married Alex and then, for reasons that Meredith never fully understood, divorced him almost as soon as the cancer was in remission.

The whole situation seemed to have been more than Alex could handle, so it hadn't really surprised her when she'd come home one night and found that Jackson had moved him into one of the extra bedrooms. She'd been somewhat less understand when, about six months later, she'd found out he'd slept with her sister. She'd very nearly killed him right then and there, but as it turned out, something about the pain of his own divorce had changed him. In some strange way, Alex and Molly had managed to heal each other.


	18. Explanations

**A/N:** I cannot apologize enough for the delay in getting this up - I hit an unexpected road block in the development of the chapter, and had to completely rework the flow. No excuse for it taking this many weeks, so I won't even try. Hopefully the next one will be up soon, and there are still some of you putting up with my awfully sporadic updating and reading this story! If so, I love you all!

* * *

"I can't believe you're actually going."

Annie nearly dropped her purse at the sound of her sister's voice, whirling around in the entryway to find her standing in the doorway to the kitchen.

"Jesus, Ev, are you trying to send me into early labor?" Annie paused and took in her sister's sweat pants and faded Seattle Fire Department t-shirt. "Why aren't you dressed? It's nearly noon."

Evelyn shrugged. "My shift starts at five tonight. I'm being lazy until then."

"Yeah, but you can't go to lunch like that, Evie. You should hurry up and get changed or we'll be late."

Evelyn rolled her eyes. "We talked about this. I'm not going, Annie."

"I don't get you sometimes, Evelyn. How can you not care about your own family?"

Evelyn's eyes narrowed as she stared at her sister. "How dare you. You think you can just ride in here on your high horse after four years and lecture on me on caring about family? You wouldn't know the meaning of the word."

"Evelyn, whatever you think about him, Derek is…"

"Just stop," Evelyn interrupted, holding up her hand to her sister. "I don't want to hear it, especially not from you."

"Alright, that's it! I don't know what the hell your problem with me is, but it stops right now! I have gone out of my way to be nice to you this trip, and you've done nothing but avoid me or snap at me. Whatever you're mad at me for, get the hell over it."

"It's all about you, isn't it? It's all about what _you_ want, what bothers _you_, what I can do to make _you_ more comfortable. God forbid I should expect that for once in your life, you might ever think about what _I_ need!"

"What the hell are we even talking about?" Annette shouted in exasperation.

"What are we…? Oh my God, you are so fucking clueless! What are we talking about? Derek Shepherd. The last nine months. Your four year temper tantrum. You take your pick!"

Evelyn pushed passed her sister and practically ran up the stairs, nearly running Suzie over in the process.

Annie shook her head and smiled at her younger sister. "And I'm supposed to be the hormonal, irrational one."

Suzie just frowned and shook her head as she sat down on the bottom step. "If she's irrational, so am I."

Annie furrowed her brow in confusion and stared at her. She noticed for the first time just how much she had changed since the last time she'd spent any significant time with Suzie. There was a seriousness about her that hadn't been there four years earlier, and she couldn't remember the last time she'd seen her smile.

"How's that, Suzie?"

"I'm mad at you too."

Annie's mouth fell slightly open in genuine surprise. "What? Why?"

"She's right, you are clueless."

"Were you eavesdropping?"

Suzie scoffed. "It would have been hard not to, you were yelling loud enough half the neighborhood probably heard you."

Annie sighed and ran both hands through her hair. "I don't know what her problem is…or yours, I guess."

"Okay…" Suzie said slowly. "Well, are you going to ask me to tell you or are you just going to stand there and stew about it?"

Annie crossed her arms over her chest and glared at her sister, glancing briefly at her watch before nodding. "Fine, I'll bite. Please, would you be a dear and tell me what I could possibly have done to warrant hostility from my own sisters?"

"No."

Annie groaned.

"There was no need to be nasty and sarcastic, Annie. You're acting like a teenager."

"Well, so are you!"

"Duh. I'm seven_teen_. I _am_ a teenager, Annie."

"Oh for crying out loud! Susan Louise Avery, you tell me what is going right this instant or I'm telling Mom!"

"You weren't here," Suzie said quietly. "Dad died, and you weren't here."

"That's not true, you saw me at the funeral, I…"

"Showed up late and sat eight rows behind the family. Yeah, that was a great support for the rest of us. Really showed how much you were hurting."

"Suzie, you know Mom and I were…"

"Did it ever occur to you that it's not about you and Mom? What about Jack? What about me? What about Evelyn? Maybe we needed you there with us, Annie."

"I _was_ there."

Suzie clenched her jaw in anger. "You sat the through the church service and left. You didn't even bother coming to the reception, let alone sticking around to find out how the rest of us were doing."

Annie had the decency to glance down at her feet in shame – or at least, what she could still see of her feet at the start of her third trimester.

"He loved you, Annie. Dad loved you and Evelyn just as much as he loved Jack and I, there was no difference to him. You didn't just break Mom's heart when you left, Annie, you broke Dad's too. And the way you've been acting from the moment Aunt Lexie called to tell you about the shooting, it's like he didn't mean a damn thing to you. And now…now you're rushing off and replacing him with this Derek guy?"

"I'm not…"

"That's what it feels like," Suzie said, standing up quickly. "But hey, that's just what I think, and what does that matter? You're going to go ahead and do whatever you want, without giving a second thought to how it might affect anyone else, just like you always do. Mom may be willing to forgive that in you, but the rest of us aren't."

* * *

Derek looked up and smiled as his passenger side door opened and Annie slipped into the front seat.

"Evelyn's not coming."

Derek nodded. "I didn't think she would. I wasn't even sure you'd come."

Annie shrugged. "I figured it couldn't hurt to give you another chance. I did sort of ambush you last time."

"Still, I reacted badly. I could have at least given you a chance to explain yourself."

"Let's just forget it. Let's try again." Annie paused and extended her hand to him. "Hi, I'm Annie. I think I'm your daughter."

Derek smiled and shook her hand. "Derek Shepherd. I think I'm your father."

"Well, now that we've established, can we please get something to eat? I'm starving."

* * *

"So." Annie paused between bites of her burger, setting it on her plate and staring at Derek. "I'm not really sure where we're supposed to start."

"They don't write guide books for this sort of thing, do they?"

Anne smiled nervously. "No, I guess they don't."

"It doesn't have to be awkward, you know. We can just…talk."

"Well, this lunch was your idea. You start. What do you want to know?"

Derek thought for a moment. "How long have you known about me?"

"A little over four years. I needed my birth certificate to get a marriage license, and that's when I found out Mom had put your name on it. Before that, she'd always told us she didn't remember your name."

"Yeah, Mark explained that to me. What did you do when you found out?"

"A lot of yelling." Annie shook her head and laughed dryly. "Yelling and screaming and crying. That's about all I remember of the fight, actually. I told her I'd never forgive her and that I was never going to speak to her again. And then two weeks later, I moved to Chicago, and that was that. I didn't speak to her for four years."

"So why did it take four years for you to contact me?"

"I don't know." Annie sighed and poked at her French fries. "Lots of reasons, I guess. I had just gotten married, and then the baby came early, and between work and taking care of him and settling into a new city, there just wasn't much time for anything else. And I guess I was scared too, because deep down I knew my mom, and even if I would never have admitted it, I didn't think she would keep us from you without a reason."

"Because of her relationship with her parents?"

"Uncle Mark told you a lot, didn't he?" Annie frowned, knowing her mother would not be happy to find out Mark had been talking to Derek about her parents.

"He was trying to help."

"Yeah, well, Uncle Mark's always had a bit of a big mouth." Annie shook her head, apparently lost in her memories for a moment. "Anyway, after Jackson died and I found out I was pregnant again, I just sort of didn't want to wait anymore. One way or the other, I knew I had to meet you."

Derek nodded, leaning back in his chair as he thought of what to ask next.

"Can I ask you a question?" Annie asked.

"Of course."

"Did you ever love my mom?"

Derek smiled sadly. "Yes – probably more than I could ever have known at the time. I don't think I've ever felt as alive as I did when I was with your mother. I can't really describe it – it was as thought I'd been sleepwalking through my life, and your mother woke me up."

"Okay, first things first, don't ever, ever, _ever_ tell Mom something like that, because she will laugh you straight out of the room," Annie cautioned with a smirk. "And second, if you were so in love with her, why the hell did you leave her?"

"I wish I had a good answer for that, but I don't," Derek admitted. "When Addison, my wife…well, ex-wife, now…when she first showed up in Seattle, I basically told her to go to hell. There was no way I was going to forgive her, our marriage was over. But she just kept showing up, begging me for a second chance, and I started thinking about it. With your mother, we had this connection that I could feel, but that if you really thought about it, didn't make a whole lot of sense."

"What do you mean?"

"When I was with Meredith, I was happier than I can ever remember being. But we were complete opposites. I was an attending, she was an intern. Don't take this the wrong way, but she was the sort of woman who would pick up a guy in a bar, and I'd never had a one night stand in my life before the night I met her. Our families were different, our goals were different…we were the sort of couple that you would never put together on paper. We didn't make sense."

"But she made you happy, right? So who cares about making sense?"

"I did, unfortunately. I just…I was over thinking it, I guess. In theory, Addison and I were the perfect couple, and I chose what I knew, over the prospect of anything new or risky."

"Yeah, well, that explanation kind of sucks, Derek. And I think you chose wrong."

"You don't have to tell me that," Derek muttered quietly.


	19. Not Funny

Annie sighed as she sank down onto the bench at the edge of the deck on the ferry boat. Rubbing the back of her neck with one hand, she rested her other on her stomach and closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath of sea air.

"Here you go." Derek held out a water bottle to her as he sat down on the bench. She slowly opened her eyes and smiled gratefully.

"Thanks. I sometimes forget how exhausting it is to be pregnant."

"How far along are you?"

"Twenty four weeks."

Derek nodded. "The third trimester is always the hardest."

"You say that like you're speaking from experience." Annie hesitated for a moment. "Do you, uh…did you and your wife have kids?"

Derek shook his head. "No. We tried for a while, but it wasn't meant to be, I guess. Between my four sisters, though, I've got seventeen nieces and nephews, so lots of experience with pregnant women."

"_Seventeen_?"

Derek laughed and nodded. "You've got a lot of cousins who are going to be very eager to meet you, Annie – not to mention your aunts."

"My…my cousins. Wow. I guess I hadn't thought about much beyond just you but…cousins. And aunts. Seventeen? That's, um, that's a lot."

"You don't have to meet them all right away, of course," Derek assured her. "You don't have to meet them at all if you don't want to. I didn't mean to imply that, I just…"

"No, no, it's okay. Cousins are good. I, uh, I guess I'm just not used to that many. I mean, right now I've got three. Seventeen's kind of a big leap from that. I've never been part of a big family, that's all. There were always lots of people around our house, so it was sort of like a big family, just not a _real_ family."

"If it makes you feel any better, I usually can't remember all of their names when they're all together."

Annie giggled and covered her mouth. "That's pretty bad, Derek."

"Just don't ever tell my sisters, or they'll kill me."

"Your secret is safe with me, I promise."

"Good." Derek smiled and sat in silence for a moment as he worked up the courage to ask the question that had been on his mind for the last few days. "Can I ask you a question?"

"That's sort of the point today, isn't it?"

"Right." Derek nodded nervously. "Your mother…Meredith…when I saw her the other night, it looked like she was wearing a wedding band…"

"That's not a question," Annie pointed out. "But yes, she was wearing a wedding ring. I noticed that when I came home too. Honestly, I don't blame her. If I were in her situation, I'm not sure I'd have taken it off yet either. They were married for almost sixteen years, that doesn't just go away overnight because he's not here anymore."

"Not here?" Derek asked hesitantly.

"Oh God, you don't know? I guess I just assumed, with everything else he seems to have told you, Uncle Mark would have at least slipped in the important details."

"I'm afraid not."

Annie nodded and sighed. "Then I guess that's my job. Mom got married when Evie and I were six years old. It was really more of a formality by that point, I guess. They'd already been together for at least three years, bought a house together, had a kid together…Mom always said a marriage was really just paperwork compared to all of that. They were a really great couple – don't get me wrong, they fought like cats and dogs half the time, but they really loved each other. And Jackson took a little while to get used to the idea of an instant family, but once he did, he was a really great dad. No offense, of course, I'm sure you would have been too…but Jackson was the one who was there."

Annie paused for a moment and wiped a tear from her cheek. "Anyway, back in March, he and Mom were at the bar across from the hospital. Some guy came in looking for his ex-girlfriend, and when he found her out on a date with another guy, he went nuts. Pulled a gun and opened fire on the place. Jackson took a bullet to the chest right in front of Mom. From what I heard, he died in her arms."

"Wow." Derek leaned back against the bench, staring out at the bay as he tried to process what his daughter has just told him.

"Yeah. Pretty crappy, right?"

Derek almost laughed at her bluntness. "Yeah, something like that."

* * *

Meredith smiled to herself as she sat cross-legged on her couch, watching her nephews help Josh figure out how to use the remote control car she'd bought him for Christmas.

"They're really good with him."

Meredith looked up and nodded at Will, patting the cushion next to her in a silent invitation for him to join her.

"Molly tells me they've been begging for a little brother lately."

Will laughed. "Something tells me Aunt Molly isn't likely to agree to that one. But hey, you never know."

"Well, seeing as she had her tubes tied after the twins, I'd say George and Charlie aren't likely to get that sibling they're hoping for. I guess that's one reason Molly wants to move to back up here, so they'll at least have family around."

"Yeah, I was kind of surprised Jack's not around to play with them too."

Meredith sighed and shook her head. "He's with Evelyn today. She'll drop him off before dinner tonight."

Will frowned and hesitated for a moment. "Maybe it's not my place, but…is he okay?"

"What do you mean?"

"I know it's been a few years since Annie and I have been around, but I remember Jack being a really social kid. But we've been here a week and he's hardly said five words the whole time. Annie's really worried about him, and I can see why."

"He's ten years old, Will. He just lost his father. He just needs time to adjust."

"Do you want me to talk to him? I mean, I kind of know a thing or two about growing up without a father."

Meredith shook her head. "Your father moved to Cleveland, Will. It's not exactly the same thing."

"I know, but…"

"I appreciate the thought, I really do. And if you want to spend time with Jack, I think that's great, but don't try to _fix_ him, Will. Just let him go at his own pace."

"Have you thought about sending him to see someone?"

"You mean a shrink?"

"It can't hurt. When a child suffers a trauma as significant as the loss of a parent, there's convincing evidence that even if they don't present with the standard…"

Meredith's mouth opened in shock as she stared at Will. "Oh. My. God. William George Bailey-Jones! Have you told your mother?"

"Wait, what? What does my mom have to do this with?"

"You want to be a shrink."

"I…so what if I do? What's wrong with that?"

"There's nothing _wrong_ with that. Everything has its place, I suppose. I just wonder if your mother knows that she's spending hundreds of thousands of dollars to put through school and you have no intention of being a surgeon."

"I never said that I wanted to be a surgeon," Will said defensively. "If that's the assumption my mother, that is not my fault."

"And you just never saw fit to correct her?"

"Something like that, yeah."

"Will, I love you like a son, not a son-in-law, so I hope you know that I say this with the greatest amount of love and sympathy, but boy, your mama is going to whoop your ass when she finds out."

"What whoop mean?"

Meredith's hand flew to her mouth as she and Will both turned to the end of the couch, where little Josh was standing.

"It's nothing, son," Will said quickly. "Grandma Meredith was just making a joke, that's all."

"Grandma Meredith, you no funny!"

Meredith laughed and shook her head, reaching out and scooping her grandson into her arms. "Sweetheart, I think your mom and Auntie Evelyn have been saying that for twenty-two years."


	20. Security

**A/N:** Thank for those of who have stuck with this story through all the delays! I'm a bit of a perfectionist, and sometimes that slows things down when I am putting together my chapters. You may notice that this chapter and the previous one are slightly shorter than usual - in an effort to get this story published faster without sacrificing quality, I am focusing on getting slightly shorter chapters up more quickly, rather than working for weeks on a chapter that's only 500 words longer in the end. I hope you all enjoy them!

* * *

Derek flicked on the light in his hotel, tossing his jacket on the back of a chair before looking up. When he saw the bed, he almost grabbed the jacket and walked right back out the door.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"Aw, it's nice to see you too, Derek. Merry Christmas, by the way."

"Megan, I'm serious. How the hell did you get into my hotel room?"

Derek's sister grinned, holding up a key card for him to see. "I told the concierge I was your wife and that I flew out to surprise you. And I slipped him five hundred bucks."

"Remind me to have a chat with hotel security in the morning." Derek groaned and sank down into the chair across from the bed. "That still doesn't explain what you're doing in Seattle, though."

"You missed Christmas."

"I wasn't sure I'd be welcome."

"Bullshit."

"Excuse me?"

"No matter what, the Shepherds have done Christmas as a family every year, without exception, from the time Mom and Dad got married. You know damn well that you were expected to be there. We were worried sick when you didn't show up. Do you have any idea how difficult it was to get Addison to tell me where you were?"

"Addison knew where I was? How?"

Megan shrugged. "Beats me. But when I told her you'd missed Christmas services and that your assistant said you'd called in and taken a week off, she said the only place you could be was Seattle. I swear, that woman knows you better now than she ever did when you two were married."

"You still haven't answered my question, Megan. What the hell are you doing here?"

"Are you kidding me? What part of you missed _Christmas_ did you not get? We've been worried sick about you! You can't possibly have thought that we were just going to sit around and not do anything!"

"We? Megan, please tell me you didn't bring everyone."

"Of course I didn't. Although, you owe me big time, because it took every bit of negotiating power I had to convince the girls not to get on the plane with me."

"Well, you'll have to forgive me if I'm not oozing gratitude right about now."

"I can see why." Megan paused and reached behind her, retrieving the stack of letters Derek had brought with him from New York. "Care to explain these?"

Derek paled slightly, reaching out and grabbing the letters from her hand. "What were you doing going through my things?"

"I'm your nosy little sister, that's my job."

"You had no right to read these, Megan. They're mine, and they're private."

Megan crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him. "That's it? That's all you have to say for yourself?"

"What more do you want from me? I assume you already pried the whole story out of Addison."

"Are you kidding me? Do you have any idea how long it took just to get her to tell me you were probably in Seattle? I'd still be sitting in her living room if I'd waited to get any more information from her. So Addison knows that you walked out on your kids?"

"I didn't…"

"Don't tell me it was her idea! I know you were still married when this Meredith girl wrote these, but still, even Addison wouldn't stoop so low as to ask you to turn you back on your own children."

"No, you're right, she wouldn't."

"So it was all you, then? Honestly, Derek, I…"

"Megan, wait." Derek held up a hand to stop her from going off again. "Before you go crucifying me, just hear me out. I didn't turn my back on my anyone."

"Those letters say that this Meredith person had twins, Derek, and that they're your daughters. Is that not true?"

"No, that's true."

"Well, if you didn't turn your back on them, why am I just now hearing about the fact that I have two more nieces? Maybe you just, I don't know, forgot to mention it for two decades?"

"Meredith sent me those letters twenty-two years ago, but I only opened them last week."

Megan stared at Derek incredulously. "Damn it, Derek."

"I know."

"So have you seen them?"

Derek smiled. "Yeah. They're amazing, Megs. I don't even know if I could describe what it felt like when I saw them for the first time. They look…well, you'd be amazed…Evelyn looks like Mom and Amy. _Exactly_ like them. Annie, she's more like her mom. Actually…" Derek paused for a moment, pulling out his phone and tapping the screen a few times before passing it to his sister. "Here, that's Annie."

"When was this?" Megan's voice was soft as she stared at the picture of her brother with his arm around the shoulders of a petite, curly-haired blonde woman.

"This afternoon."

"Is she…is she _pregnant_?"

"Yes."

"Wait, so you're going to be a grandfather?"

Derek had to shake his head at the inevitable laughter he heard in his sister's voice. "So what? Nancy's got five grandkids."

"And I tease her about that relentlessly, as is my duty as the youngest sister. So, how long until I can call you Gramps?"

"Never. But if you're asking how long until Annie has a child, she already does. This will be her second child."

"She's twenty-two years old, Derek. How can she have a kid already?"

"According to Mark, she was eighteen when the first baby was born. She got married two months after graduating high school, and the baby was born in December."

"Oh God, she was a teen mom? How could her mother let that happen?"

"I didn't really ask about it yet."

"Are you going to? I mean, there's clearly a lack of parental involvement there."

"I don't know," Derek said. "I don't think I really have a place to criticize yet. I don't know what was going on then, what sort of a mother Meredith was. All I know is what Mark and Annie have told me, and they both swear she's an amazing mother. And I can see that, the woman that I knew, she was caring and compassionate and…"

"And you're still head over heels in love with her, even after everything?"

"I don't know what I'm feeling right now, Megan."

Megan nodded, recognizing that she was very close to pushing her brother too far. Looking back down at the phone, she smiled again. "Are there any pictures of the other one on here? Evelyn? Was she there today too?"

"No. She's, um, not exactly my biggest fan."

"Why not?"

"I don't know. I guess she's mad I didn't open the letters all those years ago. Annie says I just need to give her a little more time, but I don't know. I think it's going to take a lot more than the few days I've got left in Seattle."

* * *

Early the next morning, Evelyn took a large sip of her coffee before setting down the mug on the bench in the busy locker room to pull her hair back into a ponytail and button up her uniform shirt. She glanced up at the sound of the door opening and nodded briefly at the young man who'd walked in.

"Parker."

"Grey. Just coming on?"

Evelyn nodded as he stopped at the locker next to hers. "Yep. Didn't see you in the shift change meeting, though. Last I heard you were still second shift, you switch with someone?"

"Nah, just skipped the meeting. You know how much I love those."

Evelyn laughed and nodded. "Guess I can't blame you for that. You have a nice Christmas?"

Matt Parker shrugged as he grabbed a fresh shirt from his locker. "Guess so. Could have been better."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, well, there was this girl I wanted to spend it with, but she stood me up."

Evelyn blushed and looked down at the bottom of her locker. "I'm sure she had her reasons."

"Well, at least she had the sense to call me and tell me she was going to stand me up, so I could head out to my sister's place for dinner. Now I just have to wait for this girl to make it up to me."

"And what makes you think she's going to do that?"

Matt glanced around, making sure the few people remaining in the nearly empty locker room were looking elsewhere before he tipped Evelyn's chin up with his index finger, leaned over and kissed her softly. "Because you love me, that's why."

"I was thinking more because I still want my Christmas present," Evelyn said with a smirk.

Matt opened his mouth to respond, but was interrupted by the sound of an alarm ringing over the loudspeakers.

"Damn it," Evelyn muttered. "Guess that's my cue to leave."

"Be safe," Matt said, kissing her cheek before she grabbed her coffee and hurried out of the locker room with a quick wave back in his direction.


	21. A Different View

Having successfully barricaded herself in her office for most of the morning, Meredith didn't bother to look up from her stack of case files when she heard the knock on her door around lunch time.

"It's open," she called out, waiting until she heard the door creak open before adding, "Yes, I know what time it is, and no, I'm not hungry."

"I guess it's a good thing I didn't bring food, then."

Meredith's head shot up and her face flushed with embarrassment at the unexpected voice. "Derek. I…I thought you were one of my sisters."

"Wow." Derek chuckled and leaned against the doorframe. "Can't say that's a response I get all that often."

Meredith's fingers pressed tightly around the corner of the file folder in her hands, nearly ripping it apart as she tried to steady her nerves. "What are you doing here, Derek?"

"I was hoping we could talk."

"I'm busy."

"Can't your paperwork wait an hour or so?"

"Not really, no."

Derek shook his head and stepped into the office, closing the door behind him as he did. "Look, I haven't forgotten what you said the other night, Meredith. But as much as you might not want anything to do with me, the fact is that sooner or later, you are going to have to talk to me."

"A…about what?" Meredith stammered slightly.

"Our daughters."

Meredith stiffened, her hands gripping the edge of the desk tightly. "_My _daughters."

"_Our_ daughters," Derek corrected firmly. "Whether you like it or not, they're my daughters too."

Meredith nodded and spun her chair around so she was facing the row of pictures on the bookcase behind her. "You think I don't know that?" she asked, running her fingers over a few of the pictures of the twins. "You think I haven't thought about that ever single time one of them looked at me with those eyes? With _your_ eyes, Derek? Every time I look at them, I see you, Derek. Believe me, even if I wanted to forget you, there was no way I could."

"Did you?"

"Did I what?" Meredith asked, picking up one of the older pictures and cradling it in her hands.

"Did you want to forget me?"

Meredith hesitated for a moment, closing her eyes and leaning her head back against her chair, grateful that she had her back to him. "Yes," she whispered softly.

"Wow." Derek leaned back against the wall and ran his hand through his hair. "Can't say that doesn't hurt."

"What did you expect me to say?" Meredith whirled her chair around to face him again. "That I fell in love with you twenty-three years ago and have been cherishing those memories ever since? That it was the happiest month of my life? Everything we had was a lie, Derek. You were _married_, damn it! Married! I thought you loved me, but you turned out to be just another in a long line of people who abandoned me. You think I wanted to remember that?"

"I never meant to hurt you, Meredith."

"I know." Meredith sighed and nodded slowly. "But you did, Derek. You made me believe that I loved you, and then you threw me away like yesterday's garbage. And I don't know what's going on right now, but seeing you, having you back in Seattle…I guess maybe I'm not as over that hurt as I thought I was."

"I did love you, Meredith. I don't know that I ever stopped loving you, really. I…"

"Don't." Meredith shook her head and held up a hand to stop him. "I don't want to hear it, Derek. I don't know if you ever really loved me or if you just think you did, but I don't care either way right now. I'm not going to sit here and waste time talking about what might have been. I'm not going to sit here and talk about _us_, Derek. If you want to talk about the girls, I can do that. But that's it, Derek."

Derek nodded reluctantly. "Alright, let's talk about the girls then."

"Hey, you're the one who came to me. I shouldn't have to come up with the topics too."

"I just don't understand it," Derek said. "How can they be so different?"

Meredith smirked and bit back a laugh at the look of utter confusion on Derek's face. "Derek, they're twins. That doesn't make them the same person."

"I know that. It's just…Annie's been willing to give me two chances, but I can't even get Evelyn to give me the time of day. Why is that?"

"Because you're Annie's dream, not Evie's."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Annie's a dreamer, always looking for the fairy tale, the happy ending…she's like you."

"You think so?"

"Yeah. She's annoyingly optimistic."

Derek laughed. "I guess I've heard that about myself once or twice."

"Well, you're Annie's fairy tale, Derek. The thing is, you're not Evie's, because she doesn't believe in fairy tales. She's like me."

"What, jaded?"

Meredith was silent for a moment, and Derek immediately wondered if his comment had gone too far.

"Maybe," Meredith said carefully. "I'm sure a lot of people would say I'm jaded. I might even agree with them. I wouldn't go so far as to say that Evie's jaded, but she's had her share of troubles. She likes to think things through, evaluate them from all angles, take her time…I always thought she would have made a great scientist. If she'd rushed out to meet you with open arms, I would have been very surprised."

"So what am I supposed to do?"

"Give her time. Let her get used to the idea of you. She'll come around."

"You sound so sure of that."

Meredith smiled. "I know my daughter, Derek."

"And what am I supposed to do in the meantime? Just wait? I don't know if I can do that, Meredith."

Meredith shrugged. "Well, that's up to you. But in my opinion, if you do anything else, you're going to ruin any chance you have of building a relationship with her."

* * *

Annie hesitated as she walked slowly up the front walk, looking up at the house that had once been her home. She'd watched her younger siblings take their first steps in the kitchen, stood by while her mother married her stepfather in the living room, even been married herself in the backyard. It felt almost unnatural when she reached the front porch and had to ring the doorbell.

"Annie?" The petite young blonde who opened the door stared at her in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"Is Evelyn here?"

"She's at work."

"Oh." Annie nodded and glanced down at her feet – or at least, what she could still see of her feet. "Listen, Laura…"

"Did you, uh, want to come in?"

"Oh, no, that's okay. I don't want to intrude…"

"Of for crying out loud, would you get over yourself? Come inside, Annie."

"Fine," Annie sighed and stepped into the entryway. "The place looks…the same."

Laura laughed and shut the door behind them. "Yeah, well, none of us really cares much about decorating, so it kind of helped that Aunt Meredith left so much stuff behind."

"Yeah…it's just weird, you know? This was our home for most of my life. It doesn't seem right that it's not anymore."

Laura shrugged. "I can see where your mom was coming from, though. This house was Uncle Jackson's dream, not hers. He picked it out, he bought the furniture…she loved it because he loved it."

"You're just saying that because she cuts you a deal on the rent."

Laura frowned and shook her hand briefly before turning her back and walking into the kitchen, leaving Annie to follow her. Taking a glass from the cabinet, she set it down on the counter and took a deep breath.

"You're very, very lucky that you're pregnant right now, Annie."

"Why?"

"Because if you weren't, I would kick your ass right now for even suggesting that the only reason I care is because of my rent. Aunt Meredith took my mom and I in when we had no where else to turn. Whenever I have needed _any_thing, whether it was a place to stay or a shoulder to cry on or whatever – she's been there. So don't you dare think you can waltz back in here after four years and judge me or anyone else in this family."

"I'm not judging anyone."

"Are you kidding me? That's all you've done since you came back. Look, you're my cousin, Annie, and I love you, but you need to seriously shape up or you're not going to have any sort of relationship with your family."

Annie groaned in frustration. "Why does every conversation I have with this family end in an argument?"

"Well, you might want to try thinking before you speak," Laura said. "That might be a good start."

Annie nodded slowly, biting back a retort she knew could only get her in more trouble with her cousin. "You're right. I'm…I'm sorry."

Laura smiled. "See? That's not so hard, is it? Now just do that about, oh, five hundred more times with Evie and Suzie, and you should be okay."

"Sure," Annie scoffed. "You make it sound so simple."

"It is. They don't hate you, Annie. They're just hurt."

"I don't know. I just…I guess Evie told you about this thing with our dad?"

"What, you mean about him existing? Yeah, I heard."

"I'm not trying to replace Jackson," Annie said. "That's not what this is about, and I don't know how to get her to see that."

"Maybe she doesn't think you're trying to replace anyone. Maybe she just doesn't want to know him."

"What do you mean?"

"Maybe it has nothing to do with Jackson. If my father were to turn up after all these years, I'd want nothing to do with him, and it would have nothing to do with not wanting to replace Alex. I just don't want my father in my life."

"That's completely different. Your dad beat up your mom. Derek never did anything like that to Mom."

"Maybe to her, lying to Aunt Meredith was the same thing."

"That a load of crap, Laura."

Laura shrugged. "Look, I'm not a shrink, Annie. I don't pretend to know half of what goes on in Evie's head. I'm just saying, you might want to consider that the two of you look at the world in very different ways."


	22. Babies

It took all the energy Meredith had left that evening just to pull back the covers on her bed. With a heavy sigh, she sat down on the edge of bed and slumped forward, resting her upper body on her knees. Between the conversation with Derek at lunchtime, an emergency afternoon surgery and coming home that evening to find her two younger children at each others' throats again, she wasn't sure she even had the energy it would take to fall backward and pull the covers over her head.

"Mom?"

Turning her head toward the door, she smiled at the sight of her son standing there, his worn out teddy bear tucked into the crook of one arm.

"What are you doing up, Jack?"

Jack shrugged and took another step into the room. "I can't sleep."

Meredith nodded and reached behind her, pulling the covers back on the other side of the bed. "C'mon in, buddy."

Jack grinned and ran to the other side of the bed, crawling in and pulling the covers up as Meredith lay down and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. "So, what's on your mind?"

"Just can't sleep."

"You want to talk about it?"

Jack shook his head and rested it on Meredith's shoulder, wrapping his arms around her waist. With a sigh, Meredith kissed his forehead and leaned back against the pillows.

"Mom?"

"What is it, sweetie?"

"Will you tell me a story?"

Meredith cracked open an eyelid and stared down at her son in surprise. "What, like a fairy tale?"

Jack shook his head. "I'm a boy, Mom, and I'm way too old for fairy tales."

"Then what sort of story did you want?"

Jack shrugged sheepishly and buried his head in her shoulder. "One about Dad."

"You want me to tell you a story about your father?"

"Dr. Paul says its good to talk about him. He says maybe it'll make you feel better too."

Meredith cringed inwardly at the mention of the child psychologist Lexie had finally convinced her to send Jack to. The fact that they'd been talking about her only furthered her conviction that once the first round of sessions her sister had paid for were done, her son would _not_ be going back to that quack.

"Mom?"

Meredith sighed and nodded. "Okay…you want to talk about your dad. I can do that."

"Tell me the one about when you told him about me."

Meredith smiled wistfully. "You like that one, don't you? Okay, well let's see…it was October, if I remember right. The week before Halloween. Suzie was six, and the twins were eleven. After Suzie was born, your dad and I had tried very hard to have another baby."

"'Cause you wanted a boy?"

"Not exactly. We loved your sisters so much that we thought another baby would be perfect for our family, boy or girl. But we tried and tried, and nothing worked. The doctors thought that I couldn't get pregnant again."

"You mean like how Aunt Lexie can't have a baby?"

Meredith frowned and stared at her son. "How do you know about that?"

"I heard her talking to Aunt Molly. It makes her sad, Mom."

Meredith nodded, remembering the string of painful miscarriages that had led her sister to give up on the idea of children of her own. "I know, sweetie."

"Did you have the same problem Aunt Lexie has?"

"Not quite, sweetheart. But for a long time, I thought I wasn't going to have any more babies."

"But then you had me."

Meredith smiled. "But then I had you. I remember when I told your dad, he was so happy, he couldn't stop smiling for a whole week."

"Really?"

"And that was just when I told him I was pregnant. You should have seen him when you were born…"

_Meredith groaned into the darkness as she felt the searing pain in her abdomen. It felt as though someone had ripped open her stomach and gone rooting around inside. Slowly, her eyelids cracked open to let in the sterile light of the hospital room._

"_Well it's about time."_

_Meredith turned her head and frowned when she saw her husband sitting next to the bed. "What happened?"_

"_You scared the shit out of me, that's what happened," Jackson said. "Good God, Meredith, do you have any idea how scared I was when Lexie called and said you were on your way to surgery?"_

_Meredith put her hand on top of his and let her other hover over her abdomen. "The baby…?" she whispered fearfully._

_Jackson smiled and nodded. "Our son is perfect."_

"_Our…our son?"_

_Jackson grinned. "Alex sends his apologies for that. Says it's quite the trick, though…apparently the baby had to be turned in just the right way for the ultrasound to be read wrong."_

"_Well, maybe Molly will have a girl and we can give her all those pink clothes."_

"_Speaking of your second favorite sister…"_

_Meredith laughed as Lexie walked in right on cue, pushing a plastic crib in front of her._

"_I kidnapped this little man from the nursery, so bond quickly because Nurse Ratchet will be in here any minute looking for us."_

"_Thanks, Lex," Jackson said, reaching into the crib and gently cradling the baby in his arms before turning back to Meredith. "You want to hold him?"_

"_Stupid question, Jackson."_

_Lexie hurried to Meredith's side to help her sit up. "Careful, Mer, you just had major surgery."_

"_No kidding," Meredith groaned, holding out her arms to take the baby. "Now give me my baby."_

_Jackson laughed and placed the baby in Meredith's arms. "I think he looks like you."_

"_Hi there, sweetie," Meredith cooed, running a finger along her son's cheek. "You sure are a surprise, aren't you? I thought you were going to be a little girl. Your sisters are going to be so excited to meet you."_

"_He'll just have to be patient while we figure it all out," Jackson said, taking a seat on the side of the bed._

"_Figure what out?" Lexie asked in confusion._

"_How to deal with a little boy," Jackson said. "We've got three girls, remember?"_

"_Just don't go giving him a girly name, okay?"_

_Meredith smiled. "You don't have to worry about that, Lex. We're naming him Jackson."_

"_Meredith…are you sure?" Jackson asked, a grin already forming on his face. "You weren't so hot on the idea when we talked about it."_

_Meredith shrugged. "Well, that was months ago. Look at him, he even looks like you, no matter what you say. Of course we're going to name him Jackson. Jackson Alexander Avery."_

_Lexie groaned. "Oh God, do you guys have to name him after Alex? He'll be insufferable after this!"_

_Meredith giggled and shook her head at her husband. "You want to tell her?"_

"_Tell me what?" Lexie asked._

_Jackson kissed the baby on his head and turned back to Lexie. "Lex, when we thought the baby was a girl, we were going to name her Madeline Alexandra."_

_Lexie's hands flew to her mouth. "Really?"_

"_Yeah, really."_

"_I don't…I don't know what to say," Lexie stammered, a goofy grin on her face. "So you're naming him after me?"_

"_Well, he's going to be the last baby," Meredith said. "So we won't have another chance."_

"_You do realize everyone is going to think you named him after Alex, though?"_

_Jackson nodded. "Probably."_

"_But you'll know the truth," Meredith added._

"_I can live with that," Lexie said happily. "Well, I'm going to let you three bond. Someone's got to go make dinner for your other little monsters."_

_Jackson and Meredith watched as Lexie practically skipped out the door of the room._

"_You sure made your Aunt Lexie pretty happy there, bud," Meredith said as Jackson rested a hand on the baby's head._

"_He makes me pretty happy too," Jackson said, leaning forward to kiss Meredith softly. "You both do."_

"I like that story, Mom," Jack said, stifling a yawn as he closed his eyes and snuggled closer to Meredith.

"Me too, sweetie," Meredith said, placing a final goodnight kiss on his forehead. "Me too."

She'd just closed her own eyes when she heard her bedroom door creak open again. Without opening her eyes, she stretched out the arm that wasn't currently wrapped around her son and patted the space on the other side of the bed. "C'mon, Suzie, there's plenty of room."

"How'd you know it was me?" her daughter asked as she quickly climbed into the bed and rested her head on her mother's empty shoulder.

"Mommy Vision. It's my sixth sense," Meredith said, shifting slightly so that her arms were around both kids, smiling as they both leaned in close. The two of them might behave like bitter enemies in the daylight, but at least at night, they were still her babies.


	23. Evening Visitors

**A/N:** Okay, go ahead...throw something at me. I'm so sorry I haven't updated this story in so long! I hope a few of you who were reading will come back and join me in picking up where we left off. Thank you for your patience!

* * *

Evelyn sighed and rubbed her shoulder wearily as she tossed her keys onto the counter and slammed the door to the garage closed.

"Long shift?"

Evelyn glared at Matt, who was perched on a bar stool at the kitchen counter, a bowl of cereal in front of him.

"Is there any other kind?"

"I guess not." Matt shrugged and slurped up another spoonful of his cereal. "Your sister called the house phone a few minutes ago."

"Which sister?"

"Come on, Ev…which sister would actually call on the landline? The one who thought you wouldn't pick up your cell if you knew it was her."

"Right." Evelyn nodded as poured herself a glass of water and leaned against the refrigerator. "What did you tell her?"

"The truth. I told her you weren't here and I didn't know when you'd be back."

"I wish she'd stop calling."

"Maybe you should just talk to her," Matt suggested carefully.

"I have nothing to say to her," Evelyn said firmly. "If she wants to forgive and forget, that's her call. I'm not in the mood."

"Still, she's your sister, Ev. You can't avoid her forever."

"Wanna bet? She goes back to Chicago in a few days. It's easy to avoid someone who's half a country away. She managed to ignore Mom and I for four years, I think I can manage too."

"How long are you going to punish her for that?"

"Since when are you on her side?" Evelyn snapped angrily.

"I'm not," Matt insisted. "I'm just saying, I know you, Evie. Whether you'll admit it or not, I know you miss your sister."

"It's not like we were ever that close," Evelyn protested.

"She's still your sister."

"You know what, you should stick to your day job. You suck at this shrink thing."

Matt laughed and shook his head, putting down his bowl and walking around the counter to wrap his arms around her. "I love you, you know that?"

"Yeah, yeah," Evelyn muttered, a small smile creeping onto her lips as she squirmed away from him. She was about to reply when the doorbell rang. With a sigh, she set her glass on the counter, kissed Matt's cheek and headed toward the front door.

* * *

Derek shoved one hand nervously into his pocket as he reached the other out and pressed the doorbell outside Meredith's house. He shivered slightly as he listened to the sound of the footsteps on the other side of the door, and he knew it wasn't just the cold Seattle night getting to him.

The door swung open and he found himself face to face with a tall, somewhat unhappy looking, teenage version of Meredith. Her strawberry-blonde hair was slightly curlier, her skin a shade or two darker, but she was all Meredith - right down to the piercing eyes glaring at him.

"What do you want?"

"Oh, um…hi," Derek said nervously. "I'm Derek."

"That's not what I asked," she replied, clearly annoyed. "I know who you are, that's why I didn't ask. I asked what you were doing here."

"Is your mother here?"

Suzie frowned. "Maybe."

"Can I see her?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't like you."

Derek almost laughed at the sincerity in her voice. "You don't even know me."

"I don't need to know you. I don't like you."

Derek shook his head and was about to respond when he saw movement in the kitchen doorway.

"Susan."

Suzie sighed and turned to face her mother. "What?"

"It's okay, Suzie," Meredith assured her. "I've got this."

"You sure?"

Meredith nodded. "Why don't you go finish your homework, sweetie?"

Suzie glared at Derek for a moment. "Fine," she conceded, letting go of the door handle and hurrying up the stairs.

"She looks like you," Derek observed as he heard a door slam at the top of the stairs.

Meredith smiled and nodded. "Acts like me too. I think if my mother were alive, she'd call her my karma for my teenage years."

Derek laughed. "Were you that bad?"

"You don't want to know," Meredith said with a smirk before taking a breath and shaking her head slightly, as though trying to remind herself they weren't just old friends catching. "What are you doing here, Derek? The girls aren't here."

"I know. I'm not here for the girls tonight."

"So what are you here for?"

"You."

Meredith's breath caught in her throat. "Derek…"

"I know you hate me, Meredith," Derek said quickly. "So just hear me out."

Meredith nodded hesitantly.

"I need you to know that I'm sorry, Meredith. There aren't words to tell you how sorry I am, but I am sorry. I wish I had done things differently."

"You couldn't have known what I wrote," Meredith said quietly.

Derek shook his head. "I'm not just talking about the letters, Meredith. I lied to you…made you promises and failed to keep every last one of them. You may not believe this now, not after everything I put you through, but I did love you. I never stopped loving you, Meredith."

Meredith opened her mouth to respond but Derek shook his head again and quickly cut her off. "Don't say anything. I don't expect you to feel the same way. I don't expect anything from you tonight, Meredith…or ever, really. I know you're grieving still, I know you're not ready, and even if you were, I'd probably be the last person on your list. I just…being back here in Seattle, it's making me take a hard look at the things I did, at what I did to you…and I'm not liking what I see. And I'm sorry."

Meredith nodded and took a step backward. "Do you want to come in for a drink?"

* * *

Evelyn frowned as she opened the front door and found herself staring at a very familiar-looking middle aged woman. She was probably only about five foot four, with platinum blonde hair marked with a few faded streaks of blue, but Evelyn was certain she knew her eyes from somewhere.

"Hi," the woman said with a smile.

Evelyn hesitated.

"You must be Evelyn Grey," the smiling woman continued, unable to take her eyes off the young woman in front of her.

Evelyn sighed and crossed her arms over her chest. "Look, lady, whatever you're selling, we're not interested."

"Oh, no. No, no," the woman laughed. "I'm not selling anything. I'm…well, I'm Megan Shepherd. I'm your aunt. I was hoping we could talk."

"No."

"Excuse me?" Megan's smile faltered slightly at Evelyn's quick response.

"You heard me. No."

"Why not?"

Evelyn sighed and reached out to grab the door handle. "Because I have two aunts, and you're not one of them. And because I know what…or _who_…you're selling, lady, and I'm definitely not interested, and you can take that message straight back to Derek Shepherd."

"Oh no, he doesn't know I'm here," Megan said quickly.

"Then you'd better not be," Evelyn said, starting to close the door.

"Please," Megan begged, grabbing the door just before it closed. "Just hear me out."

Evelyn shook her head as Matt appeared behind her. "I think you were told to leave," he said sternly.

"I just…"

"This is not a debate," Matt interrupted, stepping in front of Evelyn. "Leave now, or I'm calling the police."

"You wouldn't."

Matt frowned and pulled a cell phone from his pocket. "My father's the deputy chief, you really think they wouldn't come?"

Megan sighed and nodded. "I just wanted to talk to her."

"And she doesn't want to talk to you."

"Alright." Megan nodded and sighed. "I'm leaving."

Matt watched her until she was back in her car and no longer visible under the light of the street lamps. Closing the door and turning around, he slipped his phone back into his pocket and pulled Evelyn into a hug.

"Thanks," she whispered wearily.

Matt smiled and gently kissed her forehead. "Hey, I thought we were clear on this…if there's a side to be on, I'm on yours, babe."

* * *

Back in her car, Megan watched as the door closed and the porch light was switched off. She really had only wanted to talk to her niece, figure out just what it was that was keeping her from accepting Derek as her father. Instead, it seemed to have all blown up in her face, and she was certain Derek would kill her if he ever found out.

"If I'm going to die," she muttered to herself, pulling her cell phone out of her purse. "Might as well go out with a bang." Scrolling through her contacts, she stopped and hesitated only for a moment before pressing the dial button. "Time for reinforcements."


	24. Beginnings

**A/N: **Thank you all so much for the reviews! I am so grateful that so many of you who were reading have come back to this story - and welcome to all of you who are reading this for the first time! While I can't promise that all updates will be as quick as this one, I am aiming for at least one per week until the story is complete, and I am writing as quickly as possible to make up for the long hiatus! This chapter, and probably the next two or three as well, will be partly flashbacks - as a reminder, I have tried to incorporate some of the events that did take place on the show, but many of them have been altered a bit to fit the characters and timeline of this story. I hope you enjoy!

* * *

"So, uh…where are the girls tonight?" Derek asked, taking a seat at the familiar table in Meredith's kitchen while she poured two glasses of wine.

"Derek, they're nearly twenty-three years old," Meredith pointed out, handing him his glass and taking a seat across the table from him. "They don't live here anymore."

"Oh. Right. I guess I just figured since Evelyn still lives in Seattle, and Annie's visiting…"

Meredith shook her head. "Annie's staying with her mother-in-law this trip. Things get kind of crowded around the holidays - as it is, I've only got three bedrooms and an attic, and between the younger two and Mark and Lexie, they're all full up."

"Mark lives with you?" Derek asked in surprise.

Meredith shrugged and took a sip of her wine. "Don't look at me, I didn't invite him to move in. After…well, after my husband was killed, I guess he and Lexie thought I needed some help, so they just sort of showed up one weekend and moved in. Of course, that was at the old house, where we had twice as many bedrooms. I'm not sure they would have been so eager if they'd known they were going to be living in my attic again."

"So you didn't raise the girls in this house?"

"No. By the time Suzie was born, it was pretty clear that we needed a little more space. I mean, we had Mark and Lexie living up in the attic, and then Alex and Izzie had one of the bedrooms, and April was sleeping in the study and half the time Cristina was on the couch if she was fighting with Owen…Jackson and I had Suzie in the bedroom with us, and the twins had the third bedroom…it was like we were living in some sort of weird combination of a frat house and the Brady bunch, and if we were going to keep that up, we needed more bedrooms."

"What brought you back here, then?"

Meredith sighed heavily. "It was too much. I couldn't go anywhere in that house without thinking about Jackson. I need to be able to hold myself together for my kids, and I couldn't do that in that house. I figured a change of scenery couldn't hurt, and since I never did sell this old place, moving back here just made sense. I thought if I could at least live someplace where not every memory involved my husband, it might help."

"And has it?"

"Not yet," Meredith admitted, taking a shaky breath. "The kids are still struggling, but we're all doing the best we can. I don't really think there's a time table on something like this."

Derek nodded. "You really loved him, didn't you?"

Meredith smiled wistfully and nodded. "I didn't expect to…but yeah, I did. God knows, I tried not to. He was so cocky and full of himself, and I had had enough of that type. When we merged with Mercy West and I first met him, I thought he was a complete jackass. Even after I started sleeping with him, I thought it was just sex. I _never_ would have imagined actually having a relationship with him, but I guess he sort of grew on me and then one day it hit me - I loved him."

"How did you know?" Derek asked curiously.

"It's a long story." Meredith sighed and closed her eyes for a moment as she remembered the insanity of the day she'd finally realized she was in love with Jackson Avery…

_Life was a bitch. That was the only explanation Meredith could come up with for her current situation. It was more absurd than anything she could have imagined - sitting on the floor of a scrub room, holding her sister's hand and staring at the wall, while on the other side of the glass behind them, Jackson and Cristina had just cracked her brother-in-law's chest. Without scrub nurses or an anesthesiologist, just in case things weren't interesting enough._

_"I can't do this alone," Lexie whispered, her free hand resting on her stomach as she stared down at it._

_"You won't."_

_"I should have told him this morning," Lexie said. "I had the chance. I should have told him. What if…what if he dies without knowing?"_

_"He won't," Meredith assured her. "He'll be okay, Lex. Mark will be fine."_

_"Can you look again?" Lexie asked pleadingly._

_Meredith sighed but nodded, slowly easing herself up off the floor and turning to look through the glass. Her breath hitched at the scene unfolding in front of her._

_"What's wrong?" Lexie asked anxiously._

_"N…nothing," Meredith stammered, still trying to process the sight of Gary Clarke standing there, waving a gun in the air. "Everything's fine. Fine. They're doing fine."_

_Lexie shook her head. "Fine doesn't mean fine, Meredith. What…he's flat-lining, isn't he? Oh God, I'm still a newlywed, I can't be a widow…I can't…"_

_"Lexie, it's all going to be okay," Meredith assured her, wondering what twisted power of the universe had turned her into the comforting sister. "Mark's going to be fine, you're going to be fine, Jackson's going to be fine…"_

_"Why wouldn't Jackson be fine?" Lexie asked. "Something's going on, isn't it?"_

_"No," Meredith insisted, but not quite quickly enough for Lexie, who was on her feet by the time the word was out of Meredith's mouth._

_"Oh my God," Lexie muttered as she stared into the OR, bolting for the door before Meredith could stop her._

_The minutes that followed all seemed to run together in Meredith's memory. When she heard Lexie begging Gary Clarke to shoot her instead of Mark, she felt a protective instinct kicking in that she hadn't even known she had, and before she really knew what she was doing, she was in front of her sister and lunging for the gun in the shooter's hand. She was sure her adrenaline levels were through the roof - if it hadn't been for the sounds of the gun going off and Jackson screaming her name from across the room, she would have thought he'd simply shoved her to ground._

_And then an ominous alarm sounded in the room and without warning, Lexie was collapsing at her side and Cristina was staring at her with a stricken expression as Jackson told Gary Clarke to look at the monitors. "He's dead," she heard him repeat over and over again. "Look for yourself." The gun shook in Mr. Clarke's hands for a minute more before he simply nodded and disappeared out the door._

_And just as quickly as it had started, the alarm stopped and was replaced by the steady beat of a normal heart rate. Meredith almost laughed at the hint of a cocky grin on Jackson's face as he held up the last of the disconnected monitors and shrugged nonchalantly. If their relationship weren't a secret, she might have kissed him right then and there - if she'd been able to get up off the floor with a bullet in her shoulder, of course._

* * *

_When it was all over and done with, she'd protested loudly at Owen's insistence that she be hospitalized overnight. A waste of a bed, she'd argued, and besides, all her normal babysitters were turning out to be otherwise occupied - no one seemed to have escaped that day's shooting unscathed, either physically or emotionally. Nevertheless, Owen had been adamant, and she knew better than to argue at length with a department head, even one who was currently dating her best friend._

_She was just about to begin a series of frantic phone calls to every neighbor she could think of when she was interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat in the doorway._

_"They're at home," Jackson said, taking a step into the room when she looked up at him. "The little monsters have been fed and bathed and are currently fast asleep in their beds."_

_"Alone?" Meredith asked skeptically._

_Jackson laughed and shook his head, lowering the rail on her bed and sliding in next to her. "You don't give me enough credit, Grey," he said. "I called Susan, she was with Lexie at Seattle Pres, but she came over after visiting hours ended, and she's staying the night with them. She also said you can save whatever protests you might have, tomorrow after she drops the girls at school, she's going home to pack a bag and she's staying with you for at least a week to help out."_

_Meredith nodded. "Did you tell the girls what happened?"_

_"Meredith, they're four years old," Jackson pointed out. "I told them Mommy had a big surgery and would be home tomorrow. Then I told them Grandma Susan was coming to bake them cookies and, well…I hate to break it to you, but missing you comes in second to Susan's cookies."_

_"Smart girls."_

_Jackson nodded and wrapped an arm over Meredith's waist as he lay back against her pillow and tucked his other arm behind her shoulders, pulling her against him._

_"You shouldn't do that," Meredith whispered reluctantly. "The nurses will see."_

_"I don't care," Jackson muttered. "Let the stupid nurses gossip."_

_"Really?" Meredith asked, unsure which surprised her more - the fact that he didn't care, or the fact that the thought of everyone knowing didn't seem to bother her anymore._

_"Do you have any idea how terrified I was when that man shot you?"_

_"I wasn't thinking," Meredith admitted. "I saw the gun pointed at Lexie and I just…I don't know, reacted."_

_"And I hope you learned your lesson."_

_"Think first?"_

_"That's the one," Jackson agreed, kissing her forehead as she sighed and leaned her head against his chest._

_For a few minutes, they lay there in silence, both exhausted from the events of the day._

_"Jackson?" Meredith whispered hesitantly, unsure if he'd fallen asleep._

_"Hmm?"_

_"I, uh…I don't think this is just sex anymore," Meredith admitted._

_Jackson hesitated for a moment before nodding and kissing her softly. "No, I don't think it is."_


	25. Let's Make a Deal

**A/N:** This chapter is a little bit shorter than usual, but I wanted to get it up, because as you'll see by the end of it, we've got a _big_ chapter coming up. Thanks again for reading and reviewing!

* * *

Later that night, Meredith glanced up from the case file she was reading to find her daughter standing in the doorway of her bedroom. Taking off her glasses and putting the file down, Meredith glanced over at the clock and sighed.

"Suzie, it's almost one in the morning. What are you still doing up?"

Suzie shrugged and leaned against the door frame.

Meredith shook her head as she moved the case file off the bed and patted the empty space next to her. "Come on, what's on your mind?"

Suzie hesitated for a moment more before taking a step into the room. "Do you love him?"

"Do I love who?"

"Derek."

Meredith frowned in surprise. "What on earth would make you ask that question?"

"He was here until midnight, Mom. I could hear you guys laughing." Suzie sat down on the edge of the bed as she continued. "Plus, he was in your life way before Dad."

Meredith shook her head and scooted over to sit beside her daughter. "Oh Susan," she sighed. "You're right, Derek was in my life before I ever met your father. But he was only there briefly."

"But you loved him."

"I don't know," Meredith admitted. "Our relationship was exciting and passionate and very short-lived. I cared about him very much. But did I love him? Honestly, I don't think I knew Derek well enough to love him. Certainly not the way I loved your father. Real love takes time to develop, and it takes work to maintain it."

"Do you love him now?"

"I still don't know him," Meredith said. "All I know is that Derek is a good man, and he's your sisters' father. He wants to be a part of their lives, and if that's what they want, then it means that one way or the other, we're just going to have to get used to him being part of our lives too."

"What happened to having way too much history for you to ever want to see him again?"

Meredith arched her eyebrows and stared at her daughter in surprise. "How did you…"

"I may have been eavesdropping," Suzie admitted reluctantly.

"God, I miss my soundproof bedroom," Meredith muttered with a quick shake of her head. "I've had some time to think about everything, and it's been twenty-three years, sweetheart. I'm not going to pretend that Derek didn't hurt me, but even if I didn't have time to be angry with him then, it's certainly not going to do any good now."

"So what happens now? Are you dating him?"

Meredith almost laughed. "No Suzie, I'm not dating him," she assured her, instinctively running her fingers over her wedding band. "It hasn't even been a year since…since your dad died. I'm not anywhere close to ready to date."

"It's not that I don't want you to be happy, Mom…"

Meredith smiled. "I know. I get it." She gently squeezed her daughter's hand. "I'm not ready to let him go yet either."

* * *

Evelyn sat cross-legged on the couch, staring hard at the phone in front of her. Glancing at the clock across the room, she frowned and shook her head. Normal people did not make phone calls at two in the morning. Then again, she supposed no one would ever have described her as normal - whatever the hell that meant.

After one last moment of hesitation, she picked up the phone and quickly punched in the number her sister had given her. She nearly hung up after six rings, but finally heard a muffled voice pick up.

"Hello?"

Evelyn took a breath. "Derek?"

In his hotel room on the other side of town, Derek immediately sat up in bed at the sound of the familiar voice. "Annie? Is that you?"

"It's Evelyn."

"Evelyn," Derek repeated in surprise. "It's two in the morning. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine."

Derek frowned. "Have you been drinking?"

Evelyn bristled at the suggestion. "I do _not_ drink," she said emphatically.

"Okay," Derek said cautiously, getting the feeling that he'd already offended her, and they hadn't even been on the phone two minutes. "So, uh…what's going on?"

"I want to make a deal."

"A deal?"

"Yes."

"What sort of deal?" Derek asked in confusion.

"I want you to leave me alone," Evelyn said, her voice shaking slightly. "I don't want you staring at me when you come to see Annie, I don't want Annie calling me at all hours trying to convince me to see you, I don't want your sister showing up on my doorstep…"

"My sister?"

"The lady with the bad hair color," Evelyn said. "Megan, I think. She came by tonight, and that has to stop, Derek."

"My sister came to see you?"

"Yes."

Derek shook his head. "I'm going to kill her," he muttered.

"Anyway, my point is that it has to stop," Evelyn continued. "All of it has to stop, Derek. So, I want to make a deal."

"I'm listening."

"One dinner," Evelyn said. "I'll give you one dinner, just you and I. And that's it. You don't call me, you don't drop by, Annie stops bugging me, your sister goes away…"

"My sister will not come by again, you can be sure of that," Derek said. "But one dinner? That's it?"

Evelyn sighed. "I'm not saying that has to be it forever. But that's all I'm ready to offer for now. Take it or leave it."

"I'll take it," Derek said quickly.

Evelyn nodded. "Okay. Tomorrow. Seven o'clock. Canles. You're paying."


	26. It Didn't Suck

Derek fidgeted nervously with the hem of his suit jacket as he stood outside the restaurant and glanced up and down the block. He was still almost fifteen minutes, so he knew it was far too soon to worry that he was being stood up. He hadn't been expecting upscale dinners when he'd packed, so he'd ended up borrowing a suit from Mark, who had seemed more than amused by the whole situation.

_"Dude, she is so playing you," Mark said with a laugh as Derek stepped out of the bathroom in the third suit he'd tried on that afternoon._

_"What do you mean?"_

_"Canles isn't just expensive, Derek, it's crazy expensive. You remember DiMetrio's in Manhattan?"_

_Derek frowned. "That much?"_

_"I hope you brought a high-limit credit card," Mark laughed. "At least it's Evie, so there's no liquor bill."_

_"Yeah, she mentioned she didn't drink." Derek hesitated for a moment. "She's not…?"_

_"An alcoholic?" Mark filled in. "No. Some people just choose not to drink. Evie's got her reasons for everything she does - alcoholism isn't one of them."_

_"Just wondering," Derek said, turning back to the mirror. "Does this one look okay?"_

_"It looks fine, you look fine," Mark assured him. "Stop being such a girl about it and just pick one already."_

Derek shivered slightly as he stood there. It wasn't terribly cold even by Seattle standards, especially given that he was used to Manhattan winters, and for once, the air was dry. If he'd been waiting for anyone else, he would have suggested ditching the dinner reservation and grabbing a late-night ferry boat ride to enjoy the weather. With Evelyn, though, he was learning that spontaneity probably wasn't the best thing right now.

Pulling out his phone, he frowned when he saw there was still no response to the messages he'd left for his sister. She hadn't been there when he'd knocked angrily on the door of her hotel room that morning. She hadn't picked up any of the dozen or so times he'd called her throughout the day. She hadn't responded to his text messages. He knew better than to assume she'd packed up and gone back to New York, but whatever she was up to, he had a bad feeling about it.

"You're early."

Derek quickly shoved the phone back in his pocket at the unexpected interruption. "So are you," he pointed out, offering his daughter a nervous smile.

"I took the bus. It was either be early or be twenty minutes late," Evelyn said.

Derek nodded. "Should we, uh, go see if they'll seat us a few minutes early?"

* * *

"I have to admit, I wasn't sure you'd be able to get a reservation," Evelyn said, setting down her menu almost as soon as they were seated.

"I couldn't," Derek admitted. "I called Mark in a panic and he made a call."

Evelyn laughed. "Uncle Mark's always good for things like that. Did he tell you this is where he proposed to Aunt Lexie?"

"No, he didn't. Honestly, sometimes I still have a hard time imagining Mark as a married man."

"I'll bet. I've heard stories."

Derek frowned and arched an eyebrow skeptically. "Stories?"

Evelyn shrugged nonchalantly. "Aunt Lexie told me Mark slept with your wife, and that's why you came out to Seattle in the first place."

"She told you that?" Derek asked in surprise. "Wait, he told _her_ that?"

"People are always surprised by the level of honesty everyone has with Annie and I. But really, when you grow up with the story that you don't know who your father is because your mother was too drunk to remember the name of the guy she slept with, there's not a whole lot of point in sugarcoating anything else."

"No, I suppose there wouldn't be," Derek agreed, closing his menu. "You haven't looked at your menu yet."

"Don't need to. I always get the same thing."

"You come here a lot?"

"Not really anymore," Evelyn said. "It's a little bit on the expensive side, in case you hadn't noticed."

"I noticed. I figured you did that on purpose."

"Maybe," Evelyn said with a small smirk. "I'm on a budget, and I don't cook. You can't blame a girl for going after a good meal."

"I don't mind."

Evelyn nodded. "Well, anyway, Grandma used to bring Annie and Laura and I here for a girls' night out every couple of months when we were younger. It was always kind of funny, all these fancy couples dressed up, and then in would come Grandma and three ten year olds."

"I thought Ellis Grey died longer ago than that."

"Ellis?" Evelyn frowned for a moment. "Yeah, I think we were four. I doubt she ever would have done anything like that with us, though. Mom's really forgiving of her these days, always saying she did the best she could…but Aunt Lexie says the woman was a raging bitch."

"But you said your grandmother took you here?" Derek asked in confusion.

"Oh yeah, Susan. Mom's stepmother."

"Right. And Laura is…?"

"My cousin. Aunt Molly's daughter."

"Right," Derek nodded again, about to ask another question when they were interrupted by the waiter returning to take their order.

* * *

"So," Evelyn said carefully when the waiter walked away a few minutes later. "Can I ask a question?"

"Of course. Ask away."

Evelyn took a breath and ran her finger along the rim of her water glass. "Did you love her?"

"Your mother? Yes, I…"

Evelyn shook her head. "No, not Mom. I know your theory on loving my mother. I meant your wife."

"Addison?" Derek asked, leaning back in his chair in surprise.

"How many wives have you had?"

Derek almost laughed at her blunt question. "Just the one."

"So did you love her…Addison?"

"Yes," Derek said without hesitation. "There was a time in my life when I loved Addison very much. She was my wife for sixteen years. Even today, she's still an important part of my life, even though we're not married or in love anymore."

"So why leave? Why come to Seattle?"

"I thought you'd heard the story of Mark and Addison," Derek said.

"Yeah. But why Seattle? Most people find out their wife cheated and go stay with their mom or something. They don't quit their job and move clear across the country just because they're upset."

"I think finding your wife in bed with your best friend goes way beyond upset."

Evelyn shook her head. "Whatever you want to call it, it's not something that usually spurs people to move three thousand miles. Especially when they're just going to turn around and go back a few months later."

"I never intended to go back," Derek said, a hint of sadness in his voice as he thought about that time in his life. "When I left New York City, I had no intention of ever living there again. Addison and I were done as far as I was concerned. I was going to start over out here - heck, I even bought land out here."

"So what changed?"

"I don't know exactly," Derek admitted. "I was probably rash in moving out here, leaving New York without tying up loose ends. Richard Webber was an old friend of mine, and he had told me there'd be a place for me at Seattle Grace if I ever felt like a change. Two weeks later, I walked in on my wife with my best friend and I guess I just ran away. I didn't want to deal with yelling or fighting or explaining everything to my family. I took the easy route and I ran."

"So why did you go back?"

Derek hesitated for a moment. "When I was out here, it was really easy to pretend that my marriage, my whole life in New York, had just been a bad dream. And then Addison started calling…and then she just showed up one night…"

_Derek frowned as he pulled up to the trailer and saw another car parked on his property. He hadn't even brought Meredith out here yet, so he couldn't think of anyone who could possibly be coming to see him out here. Stepping out into the light Seattle mist, he almost turned right back around when he saw the woman sitting on the trailer's front porch._

_Without a word, he walked past her and opened the door to the trailer, shutting it behind him as he stepped inside. He'd never thought of the aluminum frame as thin, but he could have sworn he could hear her heavy sigh through the door._

_"Derek, come on," Addison pleaded, banging on the door. "Can't we at least talk?"_

_Shaking his head, Derek pulled a beer from the refrigerator and sat down at the tiny table, silently waiting for her to figure out that the door didn't have a lock. It took a minute or two, but finally the door creaked open and she stepped tentatively inside and looked around skeptically._

_"I see you upgraded from the townhouse," she observed, taking a seat across from him._

_"What are you doing here, Addison?"_

_Addison sighed. "What are _you_ doing here, Derek? Look at this place. A trailer? Really?"_

_"Yes, really."_

_Addison stared at Derek for a moment, wanting to cry at the venom in his voice. "Derek, I made a mistake. A huge, horrible mistake."_

_"I know, I saw."_

_"But that's all it was, Derek. A mistake. One terrible, awful decision in a moment of weakness. Can't you at least try to understand that?"_

_"Understand?" Derek asked incredulously. "Addison, you slept with Mark. My wife slept with my best friend. What part of that kind of betrayal am I supposed to understand?"_

_"I still love you, Derek," Addison said. "I know I can't change what happened, but isn't there any chance we could move past it? That you could at least try to forgive me?"_

_"No."_

_"So that's it? Eleven years and it's just…over?"_

_"Should have thought of that before you screwed Mark," Derek said with a shrug._

_"How can you be so nonchalant about all of this?"_

_"Would you prefer I was pissed off? Mad as hell? What?"_

_"Yes!" Addison exclaimed. "For God's sake, Derek, get mad at me! Yell, scream, throw things if that's what you need to do. Just do _something_ to at least acknowledge that we had something special."_

_"Had being the operative word there."_

_"Derek, we've been married for eleven years. Maybe you're prepared to walk away from that without a fight, but I'm not. The last few years have been different, but we were a great couple at one point. I think we could get back to that…I'm willing to do whatever it takes. You want to stay here? I'll move. You want New York? Let's go. Someplace entirely new? I'm in."_

_Derek shook his head and took a swig of his beer instead of responding._

_Addison sighed, a few tears escaping as she stood up and looked at her husband. "I'm staying at the Archfield for a week. If you change your mind about fighting for us, you know where to find me."_

_She was almost out the door when she paused for a moment and turned back around. "Just…if you ever loved me like I loved you, Derek, at least think about what you're throwing away before we call the lawyers."_

"She was right," Derek said sadly. "In the end, we may not have been able to make things work, and we probably held on far too long, but we'd been family for eleven years at that point. You don't just throw out eleven Christmases, eleven birthdays, hundreds of happy memories…you don't discard those without at least fighting for them first. It just took me a little longer to see it."

"I guess I can understand that," Evelyn said. "I'll bet your real estate agent didn't mind the commission from selling that land again, either."

"Actually, I kept the land. Still have it."

Evelyn frowned and stared at her father skeptically. "Why?"

"I have no idea," Derek admitted. "Addison and I fought about that quite a bit, actually. I always said I would, but I never seemed to get around to it. Even after the divorce, I thought about it…but for some reason, I never could bring myself to get rid of it. I haven't been back since I left with Addison, but it's all still mine…even the trailer, although I assume that's rusted beyond belief at this point."

"Where is it?"

"Bainbridge Island. It's about four acres or so, on the non-touristy side of the island."

Evelyn smiled. "I've spent a lot of time on that island. I've probably driven past the land, if we haven't accidentally wandered onto it on a hike."

"Well, you're welcome on it anytime," Derek offered. "Next time I'm in town, I'd be glad to take you out there."

"We'll see. Are you leaving soon?"

Derek nodded. "My flight's tomorrow afternoon. I have to get back to the hospital, unfortunately."

Evelyn nodded, unsure how she felt about the news that he'd be gone sooner than she expected, and entirely unsure how he expected her to respond. In the end, she was saved by the waiter arriving with their food, and by the time they were alone again, the conversation had moved on.

* * *

"So, how'd it go?"

Evelyn tossed her purse onto the bench at the foot of the bed and sighed as she kicked off her shoes and stripped off her dress before she slipped into bed next to Matt.

"So, how'd it go?"

She shook her head briefly before resting it on his chest and letting out another sigh. "The food was great, as usual."

Matt laughed. "Okay…you get that ridiculously expensive rack of lamb?"

"Yup."

"Did you bring me any leftovers?"

"They're in the fridge. You may have to get up early to fight Laura for them, but they're there."

"I love you."

Evelyn smiled as he kissed her softly. "You're so easy."

"And you love me for it."

"I suppose that I do."

Matt grinned and let his fingers play with the ends of her hair for a moment before returning to his original question. "So really…how'd it go with your father?"

Evelyn sighed and shrugged. "I'm not quite sure. It was...well, it didn't suck."


	27. The Reinforcements

**A/N: **Again, thank you to everyone who has come back to reading this story or who has found it for the first time! To the two of you who reviewed anonymously to the last chapter, I just want to say thank you as well, since I couldn't reply to your reviews. I hope you all enjoy the next chapter!

* * *

Derek smiled to himself as he stepped off the elevator in the Archfield the next morning and headed across the lobby toward the restaurant. The previous night had gone so much better than he could ever have expected and the good feeling he'd had when he left the restaurant hadn't faded almost twelve hours later. He knew he had a long road ahead of him, but for the first time since he'd arrived in Seattle, he felt as though he actually had a chance with both of his daughters, not just with Annie.

"Oh my God," he muttered under his breath when he stepped into the restaurant, his smile fading almost immediately.

"May I seat you, sir?"

Derek nodded as the maitre'd reached for the menus, but he kept his gaze on the table of five women on the other side of the restaurant. "I'm going to need a table for two," he said. "But give me a few minutes first."

"Of course, sir."

Derek felt his jaw clenching as he approached the table. "What the hell is this?"

"Derek!" Megan said in surprise as she looked up at him. "What are you doing here? I thought you were going back to New York last night."

"Tonight," Derek said. "I moved my flight. I had something I had to do last night."

"Ah, right. Well…"

Derek shook his head as he glanced around the table at his sisters and ex-wife. "What exactly are you all doing here?"

"We came to help," Nancy said. "You know, with the daughters you couldn't be bothered to tell us about at Christmas."

"I didn't ask for your help."

"Of course you didn't," Kathleen said. "But we're family, we're here to help anyway."

"I don't need your kind of help," Derek said sharply. "I'm doing just fine on my own, but the last thing I need is for you four to be sticking your noses in where they don't belong and messing things up."

"Honestly Derek, do you have that little faith in us?" Amelia asked.

"Yes," Derek said bluntly, turning his gaze to his ex-wife. "And what the hell are you doing here?"

Addison shrugged and crossed her arms over her chest as she leaned back in her chair. "I was having lunch with Kathleen when Megan called, and when I heard what they were planning…well, it's been far too long since I saw a good old-fashioned Shepherd throw-down," she said with a smirk. "I'm here to help you dump the bodies, Derek."

"There won't be any bodies to dump, because my sisters are leaving _now_," Derek said.

"Like hell we are," Nancy sniped. "I'm not going anywhere until I meet my nieces."

"Not going to happen."

"Is that one of them?" Kathleen asked excitedly, leaning slightly to see around Derek. "Oh my God, Amelia, she looks just like you!"

Derek frowned and turned his head, his heart sinking as he saw Evelyn walk into the restaurant. He had mentioned his breakfast with Annie last night, but when she hadn't been willing to commit to coming, he'd just assumed he wasn't going to see her again before he left. Now, with his sisters in front of him, he almost wished she hadn't come. On her own, Annie might have been open to the Shepherd sisters, but he was certain Evelyn wouldn't be so forgiving of their sudden appearance.

"So," Evelyn said warily as she approached him, eyeing the women at the table with caution and hint of distaste in her gaze. "Breakfast with Annie, huh?"

"I swear, I didn't know they'd be here," Derek said quickly. "They're not even supposed to be in the state, let alone here, and I sure as hell didn't invite them."

Evelyn stared at him skeptically.

"He didn't," Addison piped up from her seat. "They ambushed him."

Evelyn frowned at the redhead in the midst of the four strikingly similar brunette, or formerly brunette, Shepherd women. "She doesn't look like you," Evelyn observed to Derek.

"Oh, I'm just here for the entertainment," Addison said. "I'm the ex-wife."

"Seriously, Derek? Your sisters _and_ your ex-wife?"

"I'm just as surprised as you are," Derek assured her.

"Would you two just sit down?" Nancy asked. "This will be much easier that way."

"I don't think so," Evelyn said calmly. "Them not being here was part of the deal, Derek."

"We can go someplace else," Derek offered. "Just the three of us."

"Fine. Let's go, then."

"Now wait just a minute!" Amelia interjected. "I cancelled appointments and flew all the way out here from New York, and you won't even introduce yourself?"

"No, I won't," Evelyn said, glaring across the table at her. "You were not invited, so I feel no obligation to pretend to care what you want."

"Ouch," Addison muttered. "Nancy, she's got a little of you in her."

"Shut up, Addie," Nancy snapped. "Really Derek, I get that they've been neglected, but couldn't you at least start teaching some manners?"

Evelyn's jaw dropped slightly at Nancy's comment. "I'm sorry, I've been _what_?"

"You heard me," Nancy said smugly. "Neglected. Don't worry, dear, it's no reflection on you, but a single mother can hardly give full attention to her career and her children. And given your mother's impressive surgical reputation, and your sister's…well, her _lack_ of success, I suppose would be putting a teenage pregnancy nicely…I think it's clear which of her priorities got the short end of the stick."

"Nancy, I don't think…" Derek began.

"You self-righteous bitch," Evelyn practically spat as she interrupted her father. "You've got a lot of nerve swooping in here on your high horse, thinking you've got any right to judge my mother or my sister."

"Well, I never…" Kathleen muttered at Evelyn's language.

"For the record," Evelyn continued angrily. "My mother is ten times the woman any one of you could ever hope to be. She's worked her ass off for her success, and she deserves every bit of it, but let me make one thing clear - there isn't an ounce of that professional success that came at the expense of her family. Your brother may have been AWOL, but between Mom and our stepfather, Annie and I had two parents who loved us and were there for us whenever we needed them. Heck, we practically had a whole village of aunts and uncles and godparents who did the same for us. We had more love in our lives growing up than the whole lot of you would know what to do with. There was never a recital or a soccer game or a gymnastics meet or any kind of event where we didn't have _someone_ there to support us."

"I'm just…" Nancy started to speak.

"Did I say I was done? Because I'm not even close to done," Evelyn interrupted, holding up a hand to silence her. "As for my sister and her…how did you put it? Her 'lack of success?' I'm sure you _never_ did anything in high school that your mother would have disapproved of, right?" Evelyn paused to shake her head in disgust. "Please. Don't make yourself look stupider by trying to pass Annie's pregnancy off as a sign of neglect from our parents. She was seventeen, the only thing it's a sign of is that she was a teenager who made a stupid mistake and got unlucky when her birth control failed. And yeah, it wasn't ideal and it wasn't what Mom had wanted for her, or what I had wanted for her, or even what she had wanted for herself. But you know what? Other than my mom, Annie's the strongest woman I know, and she's taken that mistake and she's met it head on. And yeah, she's made a lot of other stupid mistakes along the way, but really, who hasn't? She's married to her best friend, and she's worked hard to support her family while her husband went to college, and she's working like crazy to support them all while he goes to med school. I've never heard her ask for a handout or help of any kind from anyone, she just sees what needs doing and she does it. And make no mistake, I am damn proud of her and the life she's built. She's got a husband who loves her as much as she loves him, she's got a great son and a healthy little girl on the way, she's got a job she enjoys…and she's _happy_, really and truly happy. If that's not your definition of success, then maybe you're the one who could stand to learn a thing or two."

Evelyn took a breath for a moment before shaking her head and turning on her heel. As she hurried out of the restaurant, she hardly even noticed as she rushed past her sister, who was standing a few feet behind her with a shocked look on her face.

"I cannot believe you," Derek snapped at his sisters. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"Derek, I only meant…"

"Save it, Nance, I don't want to hear it," Derek interrupted angrily. "I've got to go after her."

Turning to follow Evelyn, he paused when he felt Annie stick out her hand and press it against his shoulder.

"I don't think so," she said quietly, her voice shaking, staring past him at his sisters. "I think you've all done more than enough for today. I've got this."

"Annie…"

Annie shook her head. "I'll call you later," she said to Derek. "Have a safe flight home, Derek."


	28. Twin Rules

Evelyn bit her lip as she sank down on the bench at the bus stop and hugged her arms across her chest. She supposed she ought to be glad she managed to hold back the tears while she was still in the hotel. She could only imagine what sort of attack _that_ would have brought from Derek's sister.

"Did you mean it?"

Evelyn quickly sat up, wiping furiously at the tears on her cheeks before turning her head up to find her sister standing in front of her. "Mean what?"

"What you said back there," Annie said, nervously gripping her purse strap like it was a lifeline.

"Yeah, I meant it."

"Even the part about being proud of me?"

Evelyn nodded. "Yeah, even that part."

"Wow," Annie muttered, sitting down beside her sister. "I thought you hated me."

Evelyn frowned and let out a small sigh as she shook her head. "I've never hated you, Annie. I don't like some of the things you've done, but you're still my sister. I still love you, no matter how many overblown temper tantrums you throw."

"Hey…"

"Besides, what choice did I have? I'm pretty sure all of that back there falls under rule number four."

"Rule number…?" Annie paused and nearly burst out laughing. "Oh my God, seriously? Twin rules, Evie?"

"You're not about to tell me you're too grown up for those now, are you?" Evelyn asked, a hint of mock indignation in her voice.

Annie grinned. "Well, we may need to amend the one about sharing Barbie dolls, but other than that…"

"Do you remember the last time we added to them?"

"Of course I do," Annie said, smiling as she remembered. "Senior prom…"

_"Come on, Evie, you've got to come shopping," Annie pleaded as she stood in the doorway of her sister's bedroom. "You have to have something to wear to prom!"_

_"I'm not going to prom," Evelyn said, not glancing up from the book she was reading._

_"What? Why not?"_

_Evelyn shrugged. "I don't want to."_

_"It's not like you can't get a date…I know of four guys who've asked you so far! Four, Evie! Even I only got one invitation."_

_"I still can't believe you're going with Jake."_

_"Jealous?" Annie asked with a smirk._

_"As if," Evelyn scoffed, setting her book down. "Annie, Jake Peterson is a total scumbag. He's going to break your heart."_

_"You don't even know him."_

_"I know enough," Evelyn said. "I also know nothing I say is going to change your mind, so you go do whatever you want. I'm still not going to prom. I don't see the point."_

_"The point? Seriously?"_

_"Seriously. I'm not going to spend hundreds on a dress I'm going to wear once so that I can squeeze onto a crowded dance floor with a guy I couldn't care less about. And don't even get me started on that prom court crap…"_

_"Which you're sort of nominated for," Annie pointed out somewhat nervously._

_"And when I find out who put my name up for that, I'm going to kill them."_

_"But what if you win? You have to be there if you're prom queen!"_

_"Please don't even say that," Evelyn said in disgust, frowning as Annie walked over to the dresser and pulled open the bottom rule. "What exactly are you doing?"_

_Annie grinned and held up a wrinkled sheet of paper covered in crayon. "Making a new twin rule."_

_"You cannot make a rule that I have to go to prom," Evelyn pointed out._

_"I'm not going to," Annie said, quickly writing a few lines on the page with the red crayon that had been in the drawer. Setting down the crayon, she turned around and handed the page to her sister with a smug look on her face._

_"Let's see," Evelyn muttered, glancing down at the new rule. "'No twin goes to prom without the other.' Seriously, Annie?"_

_"If you're not going, I'm not going."_

_"But you love prom, Annie. You have to go."_

_"Nope. Not gonna happen."_

_"This is blackmail, you know," Evelyn said._

_"I don't care," Annie said with a shrug, turning toward the door. "I'm going to go call Jake and cancel the prom date I've been dreaming about for years and years and years…and years…"_

_"Stop," Evelyn called out with a groan of frustration. "I hate you, you know that?"_

_"Does this mean you'll go?" Annie asked with a hopeful grin._

_"Let's just make one thing clear…I will not, under any circumstances, be wearing pink."_

_Annie squealed in delight as she ran back into the room and wrapped her arms around her sister. "Thank you, thank you, thank you! This will be fun, I promise."_

* * *

_"Remind me that I need to have some harsh words with whoever created prom," Evelyn grumbled three weeks later as she stood in front of the mirror in her bedroom in her floor length emerald green gown. "This is my idea of hell, you know."_

_"You look beautiful, though," Jackson said with a smile as he walked up behind her._

_"Yeah, yeah, you have to say that, Dad."_

_Jackson shook his head. "Maybe, but that doesn't mean it's not true."_

_Evelyn blushed and glanced down at her dress. "Is Annie ready?"_

_"Um…not quite."_

_"What, is she having some sort of lipstick crisis?"_

_"Not exactly," Jackson said with a sigh. "Jake texted her about fifteen minutes ago. Apparently he's decided to go with someone else, so now your sister says she's not going."_

_"Son of a bitch," Evelyn muttered._

_"Watch your language," Jackson scolded gently. "But my thoughts exactly."_

_"If she's not going, I'm not going."_

_"Travis is already waiting for you downstairs," Jackson pointed out. "You can't just stand him up like that."_

_Evelyn sighed and picked up the skirt of her dress. "Let me talk to her."_

* * *

_Evelyn sighed as she paused in the doorway to her sister's bedroom. Annie was sitting on the floor in her dress, leaning against her bed with her knees pulled up to her chest, tears and streaks of mascara running down her cheeks as Meredith sat beside her and rubbed small circles on her back to calm her._

_"So you're just not going?"_

_Annie looked up and wiped at her cheeks, only serving to smudge her mascara even more. "I can't go now."_

_"Why the hell not?"_

_"Because I got stood up, that's why. Everyone will know."_

_"Who cares?"_

_"Evie…" Meredith said gently. "Maybe now's not the best time."_

_"Fine." Evelyn shrugged and plopped down on her sister's bed. "So, what are we doing instead?"_

_"What?"_

_"Well, if we're not going to prom, what are we doing? Eating pints of ice cream and watching sappy old movies? Going to the movies in our prom dresses and eating those ginormous tubs of buttered popcorn?"_

_Annie turned around and stared at her sister in horror. "Evie, you're not staying home. You _have_ to go to prom."_

_"No I don't."_

_"Yes, you do. You're on the prom court. What if you win prom queen and you're not there?"_

_"I'm spared the horrible embarrassment of winning a popularity contest I didn't want to be in to begin with?"_

_"No, absolutely not." Annie shook her head vigorously. "You have to go."_

_"Then you have to go too."_

_"What?"_

_"You wrote the rule, Annie."_

_"What rule?" Meredith asked in confusion, glancing back and forth between her daughters._

_"A twin rule," Evelyn said. "No twin goes to prom without the other."_

_"You wrote that?" Meredith asked._

_Annie shrugged. "It seemed like a good idea at the time. The twin rules are stupid, anyway, Evie. We came up with them when were eight. I think we've outgrown them."_

_"Not a chance."_

_"Well, I'm not going to prom without a date," Annie said. "And it's too late to get one now, so I guess you're just going to have to go and break a rule for once in your life."_

_"Maybe not."_

_The girls looked up in surprise at the sound of Jackson's voice from the doorway._

_"What do you mean?" Annie asked in confusion._

_"What if you had a date?"_

_"Who?"_

_Jackson leaned back slightly and looked down the hall, smiling before stepping back to reveal the young man who had just appeared behind him, fidgeting nervously in a slightly-too-large tuxedo. Meredith smiled as she helped Annie to her feet and squeezed her hand gently before following Jackson out of the room._

_"Yeah, so, I'm just gonna go let Travis know we'll be a few minutes," Evelyn said with a grin, winking at Will as she too left the room._

_"What are you doing here?" Annie asked in disbelief. "And in a tux?"_

_Will shrugged. "Heard you might need a prom date."_

_Annie frowned. "You hate prom even more than Evelyn does."_

_"Well, yeah…but you don't."_

_"So? I've been trying for weeks to get you to ask someone so you could go with us. Why now?"_

_"I, uh…" Will glanced down nervously at his shoes. He'd practiced this conversation a hundred times in his head on the drive over here, but now all the words he'd perfected seemed to have fled his mind. "Well, I didn't want to go with just anyone. There's only one person I'd ever want to go to prom with, and she already had a date."_

_"Then why are you here?" Annie asked in confusion._

_Will smiled slightly, knowing she still didn't get it. "I heard you don't have a date anymore."_

_"Me?" Annie couldn't hide her surprise. "You wanted to go to prom with me? Why didn't you just ask me?"_

_"You're my best friend, Annie. You've been my best friend my whole life. What if you said no? What if I ruined everything we had?"_

_Annie frowned. "You really want to go with me?"_

_Will nodded. "Only if you clean up that mascara, though. You look like something out of an '80s horror movie."_

_Annie laughed and smacked him in the chest before wrapping her arms around his neck. "I love you," she whispered softly as she hugged him._

Annie shook her head at the memory of that night that seemed like a lifetime ago. "I still can't believe you used the twin rules to try to get out of going to prom."

"And I still can't believe that you used them to force me to go," Evelyn said. "Guess we're even."

"Hey, you may deny it, but I saw the way you smiled when you won prom queen. You would have missed that if it weren't for me."

"Gee, what a shame," Evelyn said. "Because you know that tiara is the perfect topper for my locker at the firehouse. Really does wonders for my rep with the guys."

"Yeah, well, I'm still glad we both went."

"Of course you are," Evelyn said with a smirk. "You're the teenage cliche who got pregnant on prom night. I'm just glad it was Will who ending up as your date and not Jake."

"Oh God," Annie groaned. "Can you imagine?"

Evelyn shuddered. "You know, there are some things I prefer not to think about."

Annie laughed and nodded. "Agreed."

Evelyn nodded and the two sat in a comfortable silence for a few moments. "Hey Annie?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry you thought I hated you."

Annie nodded. "I'm sorry I gave you a reason to hate me, even if you didn't."

Evelyn smiled and stood up, extending her hand to her sister. "Come on. Let's go home."


	29. Welcome

**A/N: **This is the longest chapter I've written in a while, so I hope you all enjoy it! Things are starting to pick up now, and I'm anticipating writing 4-6 more chapters as events play out and the story starts to wrap up. Just a head's up!

* * *

"Derek, you need to breathe," Addison cautioned, leaning against the wall and crossing her arms over her chest as her ex-husband paced back and forth in front of her. "You're going to start scaring the other hotel guests."

"I don't care," Derek grumbled, pausing and running his hand through his hair in frustration before shaking his head and resuming his pacing. "I'm going to kill them."

"Yes, I gathered that from the first twenty or so you said that," Addison said, glancing down the hallway at the still-closed door of Megan's hotel room. "I think that's why they're hiding in Meggie's room."

"Why is it always Nancy?" Derek asked angrily. "Why can't she ever just keep her damn mouth shut and let me live my life?"

Addison smiled knowingly. "Because you know as well as anyone that Nancy's missing some sort of common sense filter in her brain. She probably honestly didn't think there was anything wrong with what she said."

"Yeah, well, there was," Derek snapped. "When I got here, Evelyn would barely speak to me, but I was fixing things. _Me_. On my own, without any nagging sisters getting in the way. Things were going well, Addie. Really well, with both of them. And now…"

"Now they've had a rather abrupt initiation into life as a Shepherd," Addison pointed out. "It'll all be okay, Derek."

"You don't know that. You can't know that. Evelyn's…she's cautious, wary even…stubborn, too. It took a lot to get through that, Addison. And now, less than five minutes with my sisters and I really think all that work is gone."

"Derek, give them time. It'll get better," Addison assured him. "Who knows? Maybe by the time you come back for another visit, this whole thing will have blown over."

"Come back?"

Addison frowned. "You said you were going back to New York tonight."

"Right." Derek nodded briefly before quickly shaking his head. "No. Addison, I can't leave now. Not with everything so messed up."

"I guess it's a good thing you haven't taken a vacation day in twenty years."

"Yeah," Derek muttered distractedly, his mind seemingly focused on something else.

"What?"

"I, uh…I have to go," Derek said quickly. "Make sure my sisters don't do anything stupid while I'm gone."

"Where are you going? Derek!" Addison called out as Derek hurried down the hall toward the elevator, not bothering to turn back and respond to her question.

* * *

When the doorbell rang thirty minutes later, Meredith glanced at the clock in the kitchen and shook her head before she set down her coffee. She supposed she couldn't be too annoyed at someone - probably a neighbor - dropping by at nine in the morning. How were they to know she'd spent the last twelve and a half hours in surgery?

Opening the door, she frowned in confusion as she tried to place the familiar-looking woman in front of her. "I'm sorry, can I help you?"

The redhead nodded and smiled nervously. "You probably don't remember me. You operated on my husband about fourteen years ago?"

Meredith stared at her for a moment before nodding. "Ryan Marshall's wife, right?"

"Yes." Addison smiled and breathed a sigh of relief. "You remember me, then?"

"We treated seventy-four patients with the Grey-Sloan Method in our clinical trial," Meredith said. "I remember the names, faces and families of every last one of them. How is your husband doing?"

"Really well. He still gets his scans done every year, just like you recommended after the trial ended, but so far, there's been no signs of any regrowth."

"Well, I'm glad to hear that." Meredith frowned again and stared at Addison for a moment. "I don't mean to sound rude, Mrs. Marshall, but what are you doing here?"

Addison sighed, not bothering to correct her on her name, and bit her lower lip nervously. "It's kind of a long story, actually. May I come in?"

Meredith hesitated for a moment before nodding and motioning for Addison to enter. Closing the door behind her, Meredith led her into the living room and the two women took seats opposite from one another.

"Dr. Grey, you…"

"Please," Meredith interrupted. "I'm not treating your husband anymore. Call me Meredith."

"Meredith." Addison nodded and took a breath. "You know Derek Shepherd?"

Meredith stared at Addison skeptically. "I'm a neurosurgeon. Of course I know of Derek Shepherd."

Addison shook her head. "No…not know of him, know him. He is…well, he's the father of your daughters, isn't he?"

"No offense, but I don't see how that's how any of your business one way or the other."

Addison sighed. "He's my ex-husband."

Meredith paled as she leaned back in her chair. "Oh God," she muttered. "Please tell me you were his second wife."

"Sorry. First and only."

"Shit." Meredith put her head in her hands for a moment before looking up again. "I didn't know…I swear I didn't know he was married. If I had…"

Addison smiled gently and shook her head. "I'm not here to scold you for sleeping with my husband two decades ago," she assured her. "What happened then is well in the past, and trust me, there are at least a dozen other things I'd blame for the disintegration of my marriage before I'd blame you."

"Then I guess my question from earlier still stands…what are you doing here?"

"Honestly? I'm not entirely sure," Addison admitted with a hint of embarrassment. "I found out that Derek's sisters were coming out to Seattle and I tagged along. This may sound strange, but in a way I feel like this whole mess is my fault, so I guess I just wanted to be sure that Derek fixed it."

"How would this be your fault?" Meredith asked in confusion.

"I don't know. I guess I feel like if I hadn't cheated on Derek, he never would have come to Seattle in the first place, so you never would have been put in the position you were in. Or if I hadn't come after him, if I'd just left him alone and sent divorce papers…maybe he would have stayed here and you two would still be together. Or when we were working on our marriage, I knew there'd been someone else out here in Seattle. I knew about you…not you specifically, but I knew there was someone he was still thinking about out here. There were times in therapy that he admitted he wanted to call you, make sure you were okay. And I told him no. I insisted he have no contact, that he needed to focus on our marriage. If I…"

"This wasn't your fault," Meredith interrupted. "Was it awful and difficult and horribly uncomfortable to be a pregnant intern? Yeah, it was. But I wouldn't change it even if I could, because my girls are the world to me. And I'll admit, I kind of hated you for coming after him for a while…not as much as I hated him for not telling me he was married, but still…I guess I kind of hated both of you. But having been married, having experienced what I hope was the sort of relationship you two had at one point, I can't say I wouldn't have done the same thing you did if I'd ever been in your position. And insisting your husband cut off contact with his dirty mistress is definitely not unreasonable."

"Dirty mistress? I don't think…"

Meredith blushed slightly. "Sorry, that just sort of slipped out. It's an inside joke. When Mark found out who the girls' father was, after he told me what happened with you two, we used to joke that we were in the dirty mistresses' club. It was much funnier at the time."

"That sounds like something Mark would come up with," Addison agreed with a smile.

"Speak of the devil," Meredith muttered, glancing up as Mark walked down the stairs, obviously still half asleep.

"You make coffee, Mer?" he asked groggily.

"In the kitchen, where it always is."

Mark nodded and headed into the kitchen without even acknowledging Addison.

"Mark Sloan lives with you?" Addison asked in surprise.

Meredith shrugged. "You know how old houses are. They all come with rats living in the attic."

"I heard that!" Mark shouted from the kitchen as Addison bit back a laugh and shook her head.

* * *

Miranda Bailey leaned back in her chair and stared across her desk at the man standing uncomfortably in the doorway of her office on the top floor of Seattle Presbyterian Hospital.

"Well, would you look what the cat dragged in. Just what brings Derek Shepherd to Seattle Presbyterian?"

"I don't suppose you'd believe I was just in the neighborhood and thought I'd drop in?"

"Of course I would," Bailey smirked. "Just as soon as I'd believe I'm a six foot tall supermodel."

Derek nodded. "May I come in?"

"If you must."

Taking that as permission, Derek stepped into the office, closing the door behind him before taking a seat. "I need a favor."

"And I need a vacation. Something tells me neither one of us are about to get what we want."

Derek sighed. "Look, Miranda…may I call you Miranda?"

"No."

"Oh." Derek seemed to lose his confidence for a moment before shrugging it off and continuing. "Dr. Bailey, I'm here because I need a job."

"That's too bad," Bailey said. "This hospital's already got a Chief of Staff, and I don't intend to go anywhere anytime soon."

"I've only been Chief of Staff at Mount Sinai for a few months," Derek said. "I think I was a pretty good Chief of Surgery before that, though, and I know you need one of those."

"No, actually, I don't."

"But Sara Watson retired a month and a half ago. You can't have an interim forever."

"And I don't intend to." Bailey paused, leaning forward to tap her finger on a manila envelope on the corner of her desk. "This right here is the contract for our new Chief of Surgery. The board approved it last night and he signed it an hour ago. So you'll have to look elsewhere if you're looking for a position here."

"What about an attending position?"

Bailey frowned and stared at him for a moment, trying to determine if he was serious. "The Chief of Staff at one of the highest ranking teaching hospitals in the country wants to be an attending surgeon at my hospital? Why?"

"I need a position in Seattle, Dr. Bailey."

"Why?"

"It's a family matter."

Bailey nodded. "So why aren't you across town at Grace-Mercy, bugging Mark Sloan with your family drama?"

"Are you saying Grace-Mercy is a better hospital?"

"Not in every department, no," Bailey said. "But their surgical department? Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. One of the reasons I got this job seven years ago was to rebuild its reputation after a series of bad administrations across all departments. We've made incredible progress, and I'm damn proud of what this place has become, but our surgical program is still up-and-coming. We're years away from being at the level of Grace-Mercy. And none of that even considers your so-called family matter…if you want to be close to Meredith Grey, you'd be far better off at Grace-Mercy."

"You know about Meredith and I? About the twins?"

Bailey scoffed. "She was my intern, of course I know. What I don't know is why you're here instead of talking to Mark Sloan."

"Because Grace-Mercy already has a full roster of highly ranked attending surgeons," Derek pointed out. "Mark's got Meredith Grey and Alexandra Sloan, he'd never be able to justify another neurosurgeon to his board. Unless you recruited one of them to fill your Chief of Surgery position here…"

"Don't think I didn't try," Bailey muttered.

"You couldn't get either of them?" Derek asked in surprise.

"Who I did or didn't approach about the position is none of your business," Bailey said sharply. "Don't go thinking we had to settle, either. Alex Karev is an exceptional pediatric surgeon who'll be a great asset to our hospital. Are you really that desperate to work under someone who was an intern when you were an attending?"

"I'm not desperate, Dr. Bailey, don't think that that's what this is," Derek said. "I want to work here because I'm a surgeon, and I became a surgeon because I want to heal people. I need a hospital to do that in."

"I think you'd be better off staying at Mount Sinai."

Derek shook his head. "I resigned from Mount Sinai an hour ago. With or without a job, I'm staying in Seattle, Dr. Bailey. I've spent my whole life putting the wrong things first, and I'm not about to make that mistake again. My daughter is here, so I'm going to be here."

"You've got two daughters," Bailey pointed out. "Why not move to Chicago?"

"You know my daughters, right?"

"Better than you think."

Derek frowned but nodded. "I think I can work on a relationship with Annie long distance, but I don't know that I can do the same with Evelyn. If I have to choose a place to live, it's going to be where she is. And Evelyn's in Seattle."

"I can't offer you anything close to what you were getting at Mount Sinai," Bailey said hesitantly. "You haven't regularly seen the inside of an OR in at least half a decade. And I just don't have that kind of budget."

"I don't care about the money. You can pay me an intern's salary for all I care," Derek assured her. "I want to work because I'm a surgeon, and I became a surgeon to help people. I'm tired of the paperwork, anyway. I don't need the money, I need the work. And, to be quite frank, your surgical department could use another big name like me."

Bailey frowned, hating to admit that he had a point. Adding Alex Karev as Chief of Surgery was a coup, but adding Derek Shepherd to their roster…well, even if he hadn't been in an OR in years, it was still a significant hire. And if she could get him for a steal, salary-wise…

"I want to be clear, you hurt my girls in…"

"_Your_ girls?" Derek interrupted skeptically.

"Your DNA may have helped make them physically, but I helped deliver those girls," Bailey said. "You've known them for what, twenty minutes? Evelyn's my goddaughter, and Annette is my daughter-in-law, not to mention the mother of my grandchildren, so yes, _my_ girls. You hurt them in any way and I will kill you in such a way that it'll be archeologists who finally find your body a thousand years from now."

Derek gulped but nodded. "I have no intention of hurting anyone, Dr. Bailey."

"I'm so going to regret this," Bailey muttered, standing up and extending her hand across the desk. "Dr. Shepherd, welcome to Seattle Presbyterian."


	30. Coming Home

"I still can't believe Mom lets you rent the house," Annie commented as she followed her sister into the house they'd grown up in. "It feels weird, you know? Like it's still our house, but it's not anymore."

Evelyn shrugged and shut the front door behind her. "It's still home to me. It's just…different now, I guess. It's still full of people and craziness and all of that, just different people and different craziness now."

"How many people do you have living here?" Annie asked curiously, making her way into the familiar kitchen and helping herself to a glass of milk.

"Including me, only five."

"There are seven bedrooms in this house, Ev. You could make a lot more in rent if you filled the other rooms."

Evelyn shook her head. "I know how many bedrooms there are. I rented every available room."

"Not if you've only got five people living here."

"Laura's room is still hers, and my room is still mine. Jessie rents your old room and Beth rents Aunt Molly's old room. I left Suzie and Jack's rooms alone, just in case they ever want to stay over. And the master bedroom…that one we don't touch."

Annie frowned. "Why?"

"It's Mom's room," Evelyn said with a quick shrug. "And it's…no one's touched it since it was Mom and Dad's room."

"Didn't she take anything when she moved?"

"Annie, Mom hasn't set foot in that room since the day after the shooting."

Annie stared at her sister incredulously. "Are you kidding me? So no one's been in there since March? Isn't it…I don't know, dusty?"

"I really don't think dust is at the top of Mom's list of concerns right now," Evelyn said. "In case you hadn't noticed, she's kind of falling apart at the seams."

"She seems alright to me. I mean, she looks really tired but…"

Evelyn sighed. "Annie, she looks tired because she hasn't slept more than three hours straight since Jackson died. She's a wreck, and she's barely hanging on. One of these days, she's going to break and it's not going to be pretty."

"She's grieving," Annie said defensively. "Maybe she's just doing it differently than you think she should be."

"It's not just me, sweetie," Evelyn assured her. "Why do you think Aunt Lexie and Uncle Mark moved in? Why do you think Aunt Molly's so anxious to get back here? Grandma Susan spends more time with her now than she ever has before. _No one_ thinks she's okay, Annie, and no one wants her to be alone."

"You don't think she'd…"

"Kill herself?" Evelyn filled in knowingly. "Honestly? I'm sure she's thought about it. But no, I don't think she'd do that. She wouldn't leave Jack and Suzie alone…or us, for that matter. But that doesn't mean she's any form of okay, either."

Annie nodded. "Maybe it's a good thing I'm staying, then."

"You're what?"

"Josh and I aren't going back to Chicago with Will after New Year's."

Evelyn leaned back in her chair, feeling as though someone had punched her in the gut for a moment. "Oh my God. But I thought…I mean, you guys seemed so happy and I just…"

Annie wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry at how concerned and upset her sister looked. "No, no…it's not that," she said, finally settling on laughter. "Evie, my marriage is fine. Better than fine, really, and this is just until the baby's born. It's just…I'm, like, two hundred weeks pregnant at this point. Will's in class or studying all day, and I can barely put my shoes on, let alone chase a four year old around the apartment anymore. I don't like asking for help, you know that. But in Chicago, I don't have anyone to ask even if I wanted to. I may not be willing to admit that I need help…but I do need my family."

* * *

"So can I ask what might be a stupid question?" Mark asked as he walked into the living room and sat down across from Meredith and Addison, looking awkwardly back and forth between the two as he took a sip of his coffee.

"Do you need permission?" Meredith asked.

Mark shrugged. "Just figured I'd ask. So, I thought that Annie and Evelyn were having breakfast with Derek this morning, but I just got off the phone with Laura, and she said the twins are at the house. So if the girls are at Evelyn's, and you're here," Mark looked at Addison before turning to Meredith. "And _you're_ here…where the hell is Derek Shepherd?"

"Hopefully not murdering his sister," Addison muttered.

"What did Nancy do this time?" Mark asked.

"I'm not sure you want to know."

"It can't have been that bad all the way from New York," Meredith said.

"Yeah…see, she's not in New York," Addison said hesitantly. "All four of Derek's sisters are here, actually. And they were at breakfast this morning."

"Shit," Mark muttered.

"Is that bad?" Meredith asked in confusion.

"Nancy…well, she's missing a common sense filter in her brain. She, uh, she's great fun, really, but…but she's kind of a bitch sometimes." Mark sighed and set his mug down on the coffee table. "Look, the Shepherd sisters mean well, but they're meddlesome and overprotective to a fault. They always have been, especially when it comes to Derek."

"Nancy sort of says the first thing that comes into her head without really thinking," Addison said. "And this morning, those weren't exactly kind things about you."

"Me?" Meredith asked in surprise. "She doesn't even know me!"

"Which was exactly the point that Evelyn made to her before she stormed out," Addison said. "And then Annie went after her and told Derek not to follow her. I had to talk him down, convince him murder was not the answer, and then all of a sudden he took off. I think it's why I came here originally, because I had thought maybe he might come here."

"Have you tried calling him?" Mark asked.

Addison nodded. "It just goes straight to voicemail. I…"

Addison was cut off as the front door slammed shut and all three of them looked up to find Molly standing in the doorway, Alex just behind her with his arm draped over her shoulder and a big grin on his face.

"Guess what?" Molly asked eagerly.

"You're moving back to Seattle," Mark said knowingly.

"How did you…?" Molly stammered.

"I'm psychic," Mark said smugly.

"Well I'm not," Meredith interrupted. "Explain to me how you're moving back here? Mark, did you hire Alex and not tell me?"

Alex and Mark both shook their heads as Molly elbowed Alex in the ribs. "Tell her, babe."

"Tell me what?"

Alex grinned. "You're looking at Seattle Presbyterian's new Chief of Surgery."

Meredith gasped. "Seriously?"

"Seriously."

Meredith laughed as she jumped to her feet and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Congratulations, Alex. You realize this means you're working for Bailey again?"

Alex nodded. "Right back where I started…only with a _much_ bigger paycheck."

"And conveniently enough, the house across the street is for sale," Molly pointed out as Meredith stepped away from Alex and hugged her.

"So you can keep an eye on me too?" Meredith asked skeptically.

Molly rolled her eyes and shook her head. "No. So I can be near _both_ my sisters again. I've been a thousand miles away for over five years, Meredith. I missed you."

Meredith sighed, obviously still not quite believe her sister's rationale, before opening her mouth to respond and getting interrupted by Alex clearing his throat.

"So, uh, Bailey apparently made one other hire today."

"Oh?" Mark asked curiously.

"Yeah," Alex said hesitantly. "She, uh, called me about fifteen minutes ago. Seems she's hired me a neurosurgery attending."

Meredith frowned and turned to Mark. "I swear to God, if you let Lexie leave me…"

Mark threw up his hands innocently. "Meredith, Lex turned down Chief of Surgery three weeks ago. Why would she leave for a lesser job?"

"It's not Lexie," Alex assured her.

"Then who?"

Alex sighed and took a deep breath. "Derek Shepherd."

* * *

Evelyn hummed softly to herself as she bent over to put the two empty cereal bowls into the dishwasher.

"Babe, there's a pregnant woman upstairs in our room."

Evelyn smiled as she closed the dishwasher and turned to face Matt. "In typical Annie fashion, she spilled milk down her front, so she's looking for a shirt to change into. I don't think she's likely to find anything big enough in our closet, but I didn't think she'd appreciate me pointing that out."

"So what happened to breakfast with Derek?"

Evelyn shrugged. "What makes you think something happened?"

"C'mon, Ev…don't play dumb here. Clearly something happened if you and your sister are here, eating cold cereal, instead of at the Archfield eating overpriced French toast that isn't even half as good as mine."

Evelyn shook her head and laughed. "You are so full of yourself."

"But I'm right."

"You do make damn good French toast," Evelyn conceded.

"I make damn good everything," Matt said, leaning over to kiss her quickly. "But you're changing the subject. What happened to your breakfast?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

Matt sighed. "Evie…"

"Not now, Matt. I can't talk about it right now."

"Why not?"

"Because this morning, for the first time in years, I had a conversation with my sister and no one yelled. We had breakfast, and there was no fighting. I know it's not perfect, and I know we're going to have more fights and more yelling, but not this morning. I'm not going to ruin this morning by talking about Derek Shepherd and his bitchy sisters. Later, okay?"

Matt nodded and brushed a piece of hair out of her face. "Okay. Later."

"Thank you." Evelyn smiled and pushed herself up onto her tip-toes to kiss his cheek. "I'm going to go see if my sister found anything that fits yet. I certainly wouldn't object if you whipped up some pancakes or something while I'm up there."

"Some days I think you only love me for my cooking."

Evelyn laughed and shook her head as she trotted up the stairs toward her bedroom. Pushing the door open, she frowned when she didn't see her sister. Stepping back out into the hall, her frown deepened when she spotted the light on in the master bedroom.

She couldn't explain what she felt like she was violating as she slowly made her way down the hall and stopped in front of the door. Her mother didn't live there anymore, hadn't lived in that room for months before she'd left. Still, it had remained off limits in her mind. It was the one place in the house she wouldn't let her roommates go - the one place she wouldn't let herself go. Taking deep breath, she pushed open the door and stepped inside, immediately spotting her sister standing on the opposite side of the room, staring at the photographs that lined the wall.

"Annie?" she said quietly, not wanting to startle her. "What are you doing in here?"

"I, uh…I couldn't find anything to fit me," Annie stammered nervously, not taking her eyes off the picture she'd been examining. "I thought…maybe Mom still had a maternity shirt in her closet."

"Did she?"

Annie nodded and held up the black shirt in her hand.

"Are you going to put it on?"

Annie nodded again. "I just…I saw the pictures and I…look at this one, Ev."

Evelyn sighed and looked at the picture her sister was pointing to, smiling slightly when she realized what it was. She and Annie were standing side by side, Meredith and Jackson on either side of them, with Suzie and Jack standing in the front.

"Your wedding picture."

"I didn't think they'd have it up."

"Why wouldn't they?"

Annie shrugged. "I don't know…I guess because things got so bad right after that."

"It was still a special day for them, no matter what happened later," Evelyn pointed out. "Besides, it's a really nice picture of the whole family."

"It's the last one."

"The last one what?"

Annie sighed and ran her finger over the dusty glass. "The last picture of all five of us. Will and I left town the next week, and when I stopped speaking to Mom, I kind of cut Jackson out too."

"I know," Evelyn said gently, placing a hand on her sister's shoulder.

"He used to call me once a month," Annie said, her voice shaking. "He used to leave these long messages, just talking about the most mundane things…Suzie's soccer games or some test Jack was taking at school or a surgery he'd done. And at the very end, he'd tell me that he and Mom loved me and they missed me and he'd ask me to call. I almost did once or twice…I just always assumed that when the time came, if I ever made up with Mom, he'd be there. I never thought…"

"No one could have predicted what happened," Evelyn said. "He knew you loved him."

"Did he?"

"Of course he did," Evelyn assured her.

"I really like Derek," Annie said, her voice now cracking as she unsuccessfully fought back tears. "I feel a connection there, and I want to build that relationship. I just…I…I miss Jackson…I miss our dad…"

Evelyn bit her lip and closed her eyes as she wrapped her arms around Annie and the two sisters held each other and cried.


	31. Our Choices

"This still doesn't make any sense," Mark said a few minutes later as Alex and Molly settled in on the couch next to Meredith. "Why would Derek give up Chief of Staff at one of the highest ranked hospitals in the country for an attending position at a hospital that doesn't even crack the top fifty? No offense, Karev."

Alex shrugged. "None taken. But for the record, your surgical program better watch its back, because Seattle Pres _will_ move up."

"Still doesn't explain why Derek would leave," Mark said. "He's wanted to be Chief of Staff since we were in med school. It's his dream."

"And he hates it," Addison added.

"He what?" Alex asked in surprise.

"Derek hates being Chief of Staff," Addison explained. "He hated being Chief of Surgery, and he hates being Chief of Staff even more."

"And you know this how?" Molly asked skeptically. Meredith had introduced them briefly, but had left out the complicated details of how Addison fit into the story.

"I'm the current Chief of Surgery at Mount Sinai," Addison said. "I'm also his ex-wife."

Alex stared at Addison incredulously before turning his head to Meredith. "Did you know that?"

Meredith shrugged nonchalantly. "Yeah, I knew."

"I feel like I've walked into some sort of strange alternate reality," Molly commented, staring at Meredith skeptically. "You know, one of those where my sister sits around and has pleasant conversations with a woman whose husband she slept with."

Addison laughed. "Well, Meredith did save my current husband's life…so I think if anyone's keeping score, we're probably even now."

"Hey, can we get back to the topic at hand?" Mark interrupted impatiently. "You know, Derek quitting his job? Is he moving out here?"

"I would assume so," Addison said. "It makes sense, doesn't it? The girls are here."

"Why aren't you freaking out about this, Meredith?" Alex asked.

"I think it's a good thing," Meredith said, offering up a half smile. "You know Evelyn, you know how much it'll take for him to get through to her. He can say whatever he wants, but unless she sees that he's physically there when she needs him, she's never going to let him in."

"Do you want her too?" Mark asked.

"We've been over this, Mark," Meredith said wearily. "I don't hate Derek. My girls deserve to have their father in their lives if it's what they want, and I won't stand in their way."

* * *

Annie leaned forward as best she could with her stomach in the way and peered through the front window of her sister's car. "How much further?"

"I have absolutely no idea," Evelyn said, maneuvering her Jeep around another pothole in the dirt road. "You're the one with the directions."

"All Derek said was drive until the paved road ends, then turn left onto the dirt road and go straight until you hit a clearing."

"Well, I'm still waiting for that clearing," Evelyn pointed out.

"It had better come up soon," Annie said, shifting slightly in her seat.

Evelyn turned to stare at her sister for a moment before realizing what was going on and letting out a laugh. "You have to pee, don't you?"

"You think this is funny?" Annie asked in annoyance, shifting again. "I've got a bowling ball pressing on my bladder, Evelyn. You just wait until it's your turn to pop one out and see how funny it is when you're a gazillion weeks pregnant."

Evelyn grimaced and shook her head. "Uh, no. Not gonna happen any time soon, sweetie."

"Why not?"

"Um…because I'm not even twenty-three years old, Annie. I don't even know if I want kids, but if I do, I don't want them now."

"I'm not even twenty-three either," Annie pointed out.

"But we're different people," Evelyn reminded her. "There's nothing wrong with having kids, I just don't want to do it right now. I love my job, but Annie, you know a career as a firefighter isn't all that great for motherhood. I work forty-eight hour shifts every week. It's not exactly the best schedule for raising a kid."

"Well yeah, but it's just for now. Aren't you going to medical school? Isn't that why you did all that biochemistry stuff in school?"

Evelyn sighed and shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe."

"What do you mean, maybe? You always wanted to be a doctor, Evie."

"No, I didn't."

Annie frowned. "Of course you did. We all did, remember? You, me, Will, Laura…we were all going to go to medical school together."

"Yeah, and look how well that plan turned out."

Annie sighed and shifted again in her seat. "Are you seriously mad about that? About the fact that I got pregnant and didn't follow through on a pact the four of us made when we were ten?"

"I'm not mad, Annie. We all made our choices. Laura chose teaching. You chose Will and the baby. If it's okay for you to pick something else, why isn't okay for me? Why can't I pick something else?"

"No one's saying you can't. I just thought…I don't know, of all of us, you seemed the most sure."

"Well, now I'm not. Can we talk about something else?"

Annie grinned. "Sure. Let's talk about the hot guy who made pancakes this morning."

"You mean Matt?"

"Yup. Let's talk about Matt."

Evelyn frowned. "What about him?"

"Does he have a brother?"

"Annette Cristina Jones! Do I need to remind you that you are a married woman?"

Annie laughed and shook her head. "Ev, married is not blind. Matt is _hot_. I mean, I thought the last few guys you dated were nice looking, but this one…wow."

Evelyn blushed and focused intently on the road.

"Besides, the brother's not for me. Will and I are married, you're clearly going to marry Matt…we need to find a guy for Laura or she's going to feel left out."

"I'm not marrying Matt."

"Oh." Annie frowned in disappointment. "Do you not love him?"

"No, I think I do."

"How long have you been dating him?"

"About a year and a half."

"Okay, let me get this straight." Annie held up a hand and began ticking off her fingers as she spoke. "You've got an incredibly hot guy who is obviously head over heels in love with you. He's got a job. He cooks. You love him. And you've dated him for a year and a half without killing each other. What the hell else could you possibly want?"

"Nothing. I don't intend to break up with him, but I also have no intention of getting married."

"Why the hell not?"

Evelyn shrugged. "I just don't want to."

"Nope, I'm gonna need more than that," Annie insisted.

"Oh look," Evelyn said, sighing in relief as she pulled off the dirt road into a clearing with an old rusty trailer in the middle. "I think we're here."


	32. Someone There

A/N: Thank you all for the wonderful reviews! I got so caught up writing this chapter, I haven't had a chance to respond to all of them, but please know that I read every one and I love hearing your thoughts! Please enjoy this extra-long chapter!

[And as a side note...anyone else crying on the inside after reading that Eric Dane is leaving Grey's? As much as it makes sense given the finale, I can't help but cringe at the thought of a McSteamy-less Grey's. *tears*]

* * *

"Thanks again for letting me tag along this afternoon," Addison said as she followed Meredith down the hallway of the surgical floor at Seattle Grace-Mercy West. "This sure beats an afternoon of the bickering Shepherd sisters."

Meredith shrugged. "Hey, if we're lucky maybe we'll find something for you to scrub in on. I'm sure Mark wouldn't mind signing off on last minute surgical privileges."

"Well, that would sure be a change from my usual day-to-day in the hospital," Addison said. "You know, no one warns you before you become Chief of Surgery about all the paperwork involved."

"Mark said the same thing when he first got the job," Meredith said with a laugh. "Whatever you do, though, don't tell Alex Karev about that. I want my sister back in Seattle."

"You know, I'm surprised Miranda Bailey didn't offer you that position," Addison said.

Meredith shook her head. "Miranda knows me too well."

"How's that?"

"Well, for one thing, she knows I'd never take an administrative position. As it is, I'd give up head of neuro in heartbeat if I could. Even that's more paperwork than I like to do. Plus, Miranda's of the same opinion as most of my family regarding my current mental health."

"And what's that?" Addison asked curiously.

Meredith sighed and grabbed a stack of charts from the nurses' station. "They think I'm about to go off the deep end."

"Are you?"

Meredith almost laughed. "Not that I know of."

"Then why do they think that?" Addison paused for a moment. "I'm prying, aren't I? You don't have to answer that."

Meredith shook her head. "I don't mind. They don't think I'm handling the death of my husband well. I'm doing everything I know how, but they think I'm not processing my grief or some bull like that. I'm not entirely sure what it is they think I should be doing, but they're all walking on eggshells, like I'm going to break at any second."

"Everyone grieves differently."

"Exactly my point," Meredith said, tucking the charts under her arm and starting off down the hall with Addison. "Come on, my first patient's over in the cardio wing."

Addison smiled, recognizing the not-so-subtle change of subject. "Right. The famous O'Malley Cardiac Unit. I've heard a lot about it, but I don't think it was here when Ryan and I were out here."

"It's been open about ten years, so probably not," Meredith agreed. "I think we started fundraising right after the clinical trial ended. I thought that part would never end…fundraising was an absolute nightmare."

"Well, it's never easy to convince people to part with their hard-earned money," Addison agreed as the glass doors at the end of the hall slid open automatically and they stepped into the sleek, modern building that had been attached to the existing surgical department nearly a decade earlier. "Especially the amount of money it would take for something like this place. This is very impressive, Meredith."

"We got lucky with a few last minute donations," Meredith said with a quick shrug. In truth, she knew that luck had had very little to do with the financial success of their fundraising campaign, and it hadn't been a few donations that had saved them. It had been one specific donation, anonymous to the rest of the world, but not to her. For more than ten years, she'd stayed silent on that donation, and even now, she wondered how much trouble it would cause if everyone else had known where the money came from…

_Meredith sighed heavily and leaned back in her seat as she shut her car off in the driveway and rested her hand on her slightly swollen stomach. The whole thing had seemed brilliant when Lexie and April had first suggested it - a grand, over-the-top gesture to preserve George's memory. It had seemed so simple when Cristina had sketched out the fundraising plan and Meredith had stood with Alex in front of the board of trustees to present it. All of it had been approved in less than a month. At the time, two and a half years had seemed almost laughably long to raise the money needed to start construction._

_Then Cristina had been offered a prestigious research position in Miami. She'd offered to stay, to see their idea through to it's finish, but it was too good an offer to pass up, and they all knew it. And they'd pitched in and picked up the slack when she left, and for a while, it looked like it might all turn out alright._

_Then Molly had handed Alex a positive pregnancy test, and month later an ultrasound had revealed two heartbeats. As hard as Alex had tried to stay focused, he couldn't with the constant fluctuation between elation and utter terror at the thought of not one but two babies growing in his wife's belly. _

_As if to put a final nail in the coffin of their efforts, Meredith had found herself staring at a pregnancy test just a few months later. And she'd been thrilled and overwhelmed and incredibly happy…and she and Jackson were suddenly distracted. Lexie had been left to take the reins, but Meredith would never have expected that of her sister. Not when she knew about the infertility treatments Lexie and Mark were still putting themselves through, and the struggle her sister was having to be happy for both Meredith and Molly, who had seemed to end up with what she so desperately wanted without even having to try._

_So as she stepped out of the car that evening after her final meeting with the hospital's accountants, she knew in her heart that their dream of the George O'Malley Cardiac Care Unit was as good as dead. It would take a miracle to scrape together almost five million dollars in the two weeks remaining to their deadline._

_"Hi Mer."_

_Meredith nearly jumped out of her skin at the unexpected voice that emerged from the corner of her front porch. Whirling around with her keys held defensively in her hand, she nearly fell over in shock at the sight of the tall blonde woman in front of her._

_"Izzie? What the hell? You scared the crap out of me!"_

_Izzie Stevens smiled apologetically. "Sorry, I didn't mean to."_

_"What are you doing here, Iz?"_

_"I missed you," Izzie said. "I miss Seattle, I miss the hospital, I miss…everyone."_

_"You're the one who left."_

_Izzie nodded. "I know. And I know I said things when I left that weren't very nice…and I'm so sorry for that, Meredith. I really am."_

_Meredith silently crossed her arms over her chest and stared at her old friend._

_"You're, uh…you look really good, Mer," Izzie stammered nervously. "When are you due?"_

_"Late March."_

_"Jackson and the girls must be thrilled."_

_Meredith sighed. "What are you doing here, Izzie?"_

_"I was visiting my mom last weekend, and I saw Alex on the news," Izzie explained. "He was talking about the cardiac center you guys are trying to build. What are you calling it?"_

_"The George O'Malley Cardiac Care Unit."_

_"Right." Izzie nodded. "It's…I think it's a really great idea, Mer. George would have loved it."_

_"It was Lexie's idea."_

_"It was a good one," Izzie said. "They, uh…Alex said on the news you were still fundraising?"_

_Meredith nodded. "We're a little behind schedule."_

_Izzie smiled nervously as she reached into her back pocket, pulled out a folded check and pressed it into Meredith's hand._

_"What's this?" Meredith asked in confusion, staring at the folded paper in her hand._

_"Everything that's left of my inheritance from Denny," Izzie said. "I spent a little, but I invested most of it…I think that should still be enough to help out."_

_"Iz, I can't take your inheritance," Meredith said, attempting to hand the check back to Izzie._

_"You're not taking it, I'm giving it to you," Izzie said. "Not even to you, really. To the hospital. For George. I think Denny would have liked it too…he was a heart guy after all."_

_"Izzie, he wanted you to have the money."_

_"I don't have anything to spend it on," Izzie said, taking a breath as tears started to develop in her eyes. "Meredith, my tumors are back. I'm going to die, so I've got nothing left to spend that money on. I've been really lucky, I've loved three men in my life…and two of them are dead. I want to know that they're going to be remembered by someone other than me, because I don't know how much longer I've got left to be the one who remembers them. So please, Meredith…take the money and build the George O'Malley wing. Build something George and Denny would be proud of."_

_Meredith nodded. "Okay."_

_"Just…do me a favor, okay? Don't tell anyone it's from me. I don't want to drag up bad memories."_

_Meredith nodded silently as Izzie quickly walked down the steps and out to her car on the street. Stepping back into the porch light, Meredith slowly unfolded the check and looked down at it. Her heart nearly stopped in her chest when she saw the number neatly printed out in Izzie's flowery handwriting…_

_Nine million four hundred thousand dollars._

* * *

"Okay, so let me get this straight," Annie said, leaning back in a lawn chair on the deck of the trailer and staring at Derek. "You quit a job most surgeons would give their right arm for and you're leaving a Manhattan penthouse to come out here, work at a job that's a huge demotion for you, and you're going to live in…_that_?"

Derek almost laughed at the horror in Annie's voice as she looked at the trailer. "Yes."

"I like it," Evelyn said somewhat thoughtfully, glancing around the property. "It reminds me of camping."

"Exactly," Annie said with a shudder. "I _hate_ camping."

"You've never even been camping," Evelyn pointed out. "You just don't like getting dirty."

"I have too been camping!"

"The RV trip does not count as camping."

"Why not?"

Evelyn laughed. "Because you spent one night in that RV and then you and Jackson and Suzie went into town and got a hotel room. Room service that stops at 9 does not mean you were camping."

"Fine, it wasn't camping," Annie grumbled. "I still hate camping…and I hate RVs."

"Well, the trailer's only temporary," Derek said. "I think I'm going to build a house."

"Where?"

Derek shrugged and looked around. "I'm not sure. I've got a couple acres out here, I figure I'll walk around until I find the best view and build there."

"Isn't it kind of soon to be planning a house?" Evelyn asked skeptically. "You haven't lived in Seattle in over twenty years. What if you hate it?"

"I won't hate it," Derek said.

"You can't know that."

Derek sighed. "Twenty-three years ago, I walked away when I should have stayed. I'm not making that mistake again, no matter how hard it is. I know you both hardly know me, but I want to change that. I want a relationship with you. I'm not asking for anything specific…but I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere."

Evelyn nodded skeptically. "Okay," she said hesitantly. "Well, if you're building, there's a clearing at the top of that hill over there that has a spectacular view."

"How do you know that?" Derek asked in surprise.

"Unlike my sister, I'm not afraid of dirt," Evelyn said, smirking at the offended look Annie was faking. "Everyone knows this land is unoccupied. We used to come out and hike out here on the weekends."

"Wait a minute…" Annie grinned as she made the connection in her head. "Is this where you got arrested?"

"Shut up," Evelyn snapped.

"Oh my God, it is." Annie burst out laughing. "This is where you and Travis got arrested."

"You got arrested?" Derek asked in surprise.

Evelyn shrugged. "Apparently the cops didn't get the memo that the place wasn't occupied. They arrested us for trespassing. It was stupid. Travis' dad was the district attorney, so there were never official charges."

"What she fails to mention is that she was fifteen and it was two in the morning when they caught them up here," Annie said."

"Annie, seriously, shut up."

Annie shook her head and laughed again.

"What the hell were you doing out on this island at two in the morning at fifteen?" Derek asked incredulously.

"She was grounded, so she climbed out the back window," Annie said. "Oh God, you should have seen Mom's face when the call came in from the cops and she realized Evie was gone. And Mom was the one who took it well…I thought Dad was gonna go through the ceiling when…" Annie paused and looked guiltily at Derek when she realized what she'd said. "Er…sorry, Jackson…I didn't mean…"

Derek shook his head. "Don't apologize," he insisted. "You don't have anything to be sorry for."

Annie arched an eyebrow skeptically. "That puppy-dog look on your face says otherwise, and don't tell me it doesn't…I've watched Evelyn do it for twenty years."

Derek sighed and smiled sadly. "When I said I wanted a relationship with the two of you, I didn't mean I just wanted to know the things that were easy…I want to know who you are, and your family is part of that." Derek shook his head briefly and ran his fingers through his hair. "Look, I'm not going to pretend that there's not some part of me that hurts knowing that someone else was 'Dad' to you. You're my daughters, and it kills me that I wasn't there when you were growing up. But at the same time…well, part of me is glad."

"Glad that you weren't there?" Evelyn asked in confusion.

"No, not that. For the rest of my life, I'll be beating myself up about that. But the fact is, I wasn't there, and your stepfather was. And I'm glad he was." Derek paused for a moment to take a deep breath. "My dad died when I was ten years old. I know what it's like to grow up without a father. I know it feels like to miss all those moments, everything that a father is supposed to do with his child. I always swore that when I had kids, I would make sure they never knew that feeling. And even though I failed in that respect, because I wasn't there…and I'm grateful that Jackson stepped in and filled that role. Because as much as it hurts to know that it wasn't me there with you, I think it would hurt a hundred times more to know that no one was there."


	33. Not Okay

**A/N:** Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed the last few updates! Just as a head's up, I apologize in advance that there will be a bit of a delay until the next chapter...I'm going out of town for about a week and a half, so there probably won't be another until the end of next week.

* * *

Lexie nodded approvingly as she stepped into the newly remodeled kitchen of the house across the street from Meredith's. "I like it, Molly," she said. "The place seems perfect for you guys. How many bedrooms does it have?"

"Four upstairs and one downstairs," Molly said, coming into the kitchen behind her sister. "I figured the one downstairs would be nice if Mom ever gets to where she doesn't want to live alone anymore. And then two upstairs for the boys, one for Alex and I, and one just in case Laura ever wants to stay over. Not that I expect much of that, she seems pretty happy with Evelyn at Mer's old place."

"They're asserting their independence…or some crap like that," Lexie said. "Give it some time, as soon as she's got a problem she'll be on your doorstep again."

"I'm pretty sure Laura and Evie did the whole asserting their independence thing years ago," Molly pointed out. "Were you or were you not around for the teenage years?"

Lexie shuddered. "Don't remind me, I've blocked them out. I've never been so traumatized by anything as I was by my sweet little nieces turning into surly, swearing, curfew-breaking hellions. Thank God for Annie staying sweet and pleasant most of the time."

"And yet for all the hell-raising Laura and Evie did, Annie was the one who got pregnant."

Lexie shook her head. "I know, go figure that one out."

Molly nodded and glanced out the window at Meredith's house. "I don't think Mer believes that I want to live across the street just because I've missed you guys."

"I'm sure she doesn't. She's not stupid, Molly, she knows we're watching her and she doesn't like it. She wants Mark and I move back to our house."

"Should you? You and I both know I probably would have wanted to live across the street even if Jackson hadn't died," Molly pointed out. "But you've got your own house that you're not living in, it's not like you need to live with Meredith. If she wants you out of her house, why are you still there?"

Lexie sighed and leaned against the counter. "Because she won't say it, Molly."

"What do you mean?"

"She won't fight," Lexie explained. "Meredith's a fighter, we've both seen it. She's one of the strongest women I know, but right now, it's like she's given up on life. This whole Derek Shepherd thing is proof of that. Did you hear about his sisters this morning?"

"Laura mentioned something about it, yeah."

"If this had happened a year ago, Meredith would have been out of the house and banging on their door at the Archfield before you could blink. She would have handed them their asses on a silver platter for insulting her girls. You know what Mark said she did today? Nothing. That's not Meredith."

"No, I guess you're right," Molly conceded. "She's always been a fighter, especially when it comes to protecting her family."

"Exactly. Do you think I like living in Meredith's attic like I'm some starving intern again? Of course not!" Lexie shook her head and sighed sadly. "But the fact that she's not fighting me on it, calling my bluff, threatening to kick me out…she's not doing _anything_ about the fact that she doesn't want us there…that's all I need to know to know that she's not okay, and Mark and I can't leave yet."

* * *

"I think it will be nice," Annie said quietly, watching Evelyn closely as she drove off the ferry boat on their way back to the house. "Having Derek here will be nice."

"I was leaning more towards weird," Evelyn said. "But I guess nice works too."

"Why weird?"

Evelyn shrugged. "I don't know. I just…I feel like I was starting to get used to the idea of not having a father anymore. Now all of a sudden we've got a new one?"

"It's going to be an adjustment," Annie agreed. "But maybe you're looking at it wrong."

Evelyn frowned skeptically. "Wrong?"

"We're never going to have the same relationship with Derek that we had with Jackson, so there's no point in looking at it like that," Annie said. "You're over-thinking it, Evelyn."

"You think so?"

Annie nodded. "You kind of have a tendency to do that. You've got to stop trying to fit life into neat little boxes, and just let it happen. This could be a really good thing for us, if you'd just stop fighting it and let it develop naturally."

"That sounds like a Mom speech," Evelyn said with a smirk.

"Well, I am a mom."

"True, but you're not _my_ mom. In fact, you're younger than I am, thank you very much."

Annie stared at her sister for a moment. "By like a minute and a half!"

"And I'll thank you to not forget those all-important ninety seconds."

"I'm pretty sure that argument only worked on me when we were, like, four years old."

Evelyn shrugged. "It's always worth a shot. It still works when Georgie uses it on Charlie."

"They're ten, and they're boys," Annie pointed out. "Totally different. Besides, George is almost eight minutes older than Charlie. That's a huge difference."

Evelyn laughed and shook her head. "You are so full of crap, you know that?"

"Hey, I'm just stating the obvious here," Annie said in mock defense. "Speaking of the kids…we're keeping them all up until midnight at Mom's house tomorrow for New Year's. What time are you coming over?"

"I'm not."

"Why not? It's our tradition!"

"It hasn't been our tradition for years, Annie," Evelyn pointed out with a sigh. "And even if it were, I have to work."

"Didn't you just get off a shift yesterday? Aren't you supposed to have three days off or something?" Annie asked as they pulled up to the house.

"Four days," Evelyn said. "We work forty-eight hours on, ninety-six hours off. But this is an overtime shift. It's New Year's, people do stupid stuff, so the city staffs up on emergency responders. It's supposed to be a great shift."

"So you're saying you'd rather deal with a bunch of drunk idiots setting things on fire than spend the night with your sisters and your brother and your cousins and…"

"Oh, don't be so dramatic, I was there on Christmas," Evelyn interrupted. "But yes, I'd rather be out putting out fires than sitting around watching a three hour tape delay of a ball drop in Times Square."

"But Cristina and Owen will be back from visiting his Mom after Christmas," Annie said.

"I'm already scheduled for the shift, Annette," Evelyn said, shutting off the engine and reaching for her purse. "You can say what you want, I'm going to be working for New Year's."

* * *

Derek didn't need to wonder what he would find when he slipped his card key into the door and stepped into his hotel room that evening. He knew his family better than that; he would have been surprised to find his sisters anywhere other than waiting not-so-patiently in the sitting area of his suite.

"It's about time!" Megan exclaimed, jumping to her feet. "I've been calling you all day, Derek! Where the hell have you been?"

"That's none of your business."

"I got a call from Michael Bates a few hours ago," Nancy said. "He wanted to know why my brother had resigned as Chief of Staff. I told him he must be mistaken. He's mistaken, right? Derek?"

"No," Derek said quietly, tossing his jacket onto a nearby chair. "He's not mistaken."

"What the hell, Derek?"

"I called the chairman of the board this morning and resigned my position," Derek said. "I've taken a job out here."

"As Chief of Staff?"

Derek shook his head. "No. As an attending surgeon."

"Are you out of your God-given mind?" Nancy snapped incredulously. "Derek, you've worked your entire career to get to Chief of Surgery. You'd have to be insane to give it all up now!"

"Actually, Nance, I'm pretty sure this is the first sane thing I've made in about twenty-three years," Derek said. "To be closely followed by the second sane thing I've done in that time."

"Which is what, exactly?" Kathleen asked curiously.

"Sending you four packing."

"You can't…"

"I can, and I am," Derek interrupted. "There's a ten o'clock flight back to New York tomorrow morning. I booked all four of you on it."

"You can't make us get on that plane, Derek," Nancy pointed out.

"Maybe not," Derek agreed. "But if you're not on that plane, we're done. And I don't mean, I'm going to pout for a little while and get over it. I mean, if you are not on that plane tomorrow morning, I will no longer acknowledge you as my sister. We will have _no_ relationship moving forward. I'm that serious about this."

"This is absurd," Kathleen said. "Derek, you have to know we only wanted to help."

"Well you didn't!" Derek shouted angrily. "Not one of you did. In fact, Nancy here probably set me back a good month with Evelyn. So I suggest you take your nosy comments and your holier-than-thou attitudes and you go back to New York. For once in my life, let me handle something on my own."

"We always let you…"

"Don't patronize me by lying," Derek interrupted. "You've been interfering since the day Dad died. I get it, I know you all think you're helping me, and maybe sometimes you did…but this time, you're not. So just back off and go home."

"Not without…"

Derek shook his head. "This is _not_ up for debate! I don't care how you think you can help. I don't care what you want to do, or what you meant to do. This is _my_ family, and if it's going to be fixed, _I_ have to be the one to do it. So back the hell off and go back to New York."

"You're not being fair, Derek," Nancy began.

"Fair? Don't even start me on fair, Nancy," Derek snapped. "But that does remind me…before you leave, I want you to write a letter of apology."

"Apology?"

"Three, actually. One to Evelyn, one to Annie and one to Meredith," Derek said. "And I don't care if you think you were wrong to say those things or not. You insulted both of my daughters, and their mother, and I'm not going to stand for that. So write the damn letters before you leave."

"Derek, couldn't we…" Amelia started to speak.

"No!" Derek exclaimed. "All of you are going to walk out of this room right now. You are going to walk down the hall to your rooms and you are not going to leave them again tonight. Tomorrow morning, you will get up, have breakfast and go to the airport. That's it. No excursions, no little side trips, no phone calls. Am I clear?"

"You sound like Mom," Amelia grumbled.

Derek shook his head. "If Mom were here, Amelia, you'd be in so much trouble she'd have you wishing you'd never been born."

"He's got a point," Megan said. "Mom would be pissed."

"You don't know how Mom would have reacted," Nancy protested. "Maybe she would have wanted an explanation for the girls' situations, same as I did."

"That wasn't you asking for an explanation, Nancy," Derek snapped. "That was you railroading my family without bothering to get your facts straight first."

"I think maybe we should go," Kathleen said gently, taking Nancy by the elbow and pointing her toward the door.

"But I…"

"C'mon, Nance," Amelia said, grabbing her other elbow as she and Kathleen ushered her out the door.

"Derek," Megan said quietly, lingering behind a moment and placing her hand on his forearm.

"You should go, Meg," Derek said, fighting to keep his voice calm.

"I'm sorry, Derek," Megan said. "I shouldn't have called them."

"No, you shouldn't have," Derek agreed.

Megan sighed and nodded, knowing she wasn't likely to get anything more out of him that night. Squeezing his arm gently, she pushed herself onto her toes and kissed his cheek before following her sisters out of Derek's room.


	34. Breaking Point

Evelyn groaned when her alarm clock began beeping at five-thirty the next morning.

"Ugh," she muttered, groping around until she found the snooze button. "Too early."

"Holiday shift was your idea," Matt pointed out, his voice muffled by his pillow.

"Shut up," Evelyn sighed. "It seemed like a good idea at the time."

"It is a good idea. Just wait 'til you see all the crazies that come out tonight. It's my second favorite shift of the year."

"Behind Halloween?"

"You know it, babe." Matt grinned as he leaned over and kissed her cheek before getting out of bed. "Come on, I promise it's worth it."

"Remind me again how many of these shifts you've worked?"

"What, you don't believe my experience?"

"Humor me, old man."

"I am _not_ that much older than you," Matt protested in mock offense. "If you must be reminded, I've worked every New Year's Eve shift since I started at the department. So that's four, since I didn't waste all those years in college like some people."

"College is not a waste," Evelyn said defensively.

"Oh yeah? How's that biochemistry degree helping these days?"

"Just because you're jealous that I'm smarter than you…"

"Oh ho ho," Matt scoffed. "And the gloves come off!"

"You jackass," Evelyn muttered, biting back a laugh. "I know you only start this argument when you want to piss me off so we can have hot make-up sex, but I'm not letting you do that today."

"Oh really?" Matt asked skeptically.

"Really." Evelyn pushed back the covers and quickly climbed out of bed to face him. "Not going to work."

"You sure about that?" Matt asked as he stepped around the bed to stand in front of her.

Evelyn swallowed hard but nodded. "Yup. Not working."

Matt laughed and reached a hand up to brush the hair out of her face. "And why not?"

"Because," Evelyn grinned and kissed his hand before stepping back. "We're going to be late…and I want the first shower."

Matt frowned as Evelyn ducked under his arm and dashed off for the bathroom. "Not a chance, Grey," he muttered, hurrying after her and grinning at the way she shrieked as he picked her up and carried her into the bathroom.

* * *

"Where the hell did you put all the tequila?" Cristina asked in annoyance as she slammed another cupboard shut in Meredith's kitchen that night.

"Second cupboard to the right of the fridge," Meredith said, shaking her head as she dumped a bag of potato chips into a bowl and picked it up. "Same place it's always been."

"Not true, it was over there last time you lived in this house."

"No, it's always been in the second cupboard to the right of the fridge."

"Good God, when they said you'd lost your marbles, they weren't kidding," Cristina muttered as she pulled open the cupboard and grabbed a bottle.

"Oh, shut up," Meredith snapped. "I'm not crazy. It's always been right there. Just because you're getting old…"

"Watch it, I'm not that much older than you are…and I _look_ ten years younger. I mean for crying out loud, you have a plastic surgeon living in your attic. You couldn't at least talk about a little face lift in exchange for the rent?"

"Ha ha, very funny," Meredith said with a sigh. "Look, you'll get no argument from me about looking older. But you go through three teenage daughters and see how many wrinkles you come out of that with!"

"I'll pass, thanks." Cristina smirked. "And you've still got a teenage boy to deal with in a few years. My God, you better grab a man now, because you'll be practically ancient-looking by the time that's over with."

Cristina knew almost immediately she'd said the wrong thing. Meredith's already pale complexion seemed to pale another two shades as she quickly set down the bowl she'd been holding.

"Take that into the living room for me," she said, her voice shaking slightly, turning away quickly.

"Meredith…"

Meredith shook her head and took a deep breath as she paused in the doorway. "I know you think I need to move on, but it's not that simple, Cristina. I can't just go out and _grab_ another man, as you put it. We're talking about my husband here, not some piece of furniture that needs to be replaced."

"I know that, Meredith, I didn't mean it like that. I just think it's time you start thinking about moving on with your life."

Meredith whirled around to face her best friend. "You've got a lot of nerve, you know that? Don't pretend like you know what I'm going through, because you don't. You can't, not when you go home to your husband every night. Your husband is alive and breathing and you can put your arms around him and tell him that you love him any time you want to. I can't do that ever again, and you have no idea how much that hurts. I loved him for two decades of my life. Tell me, is nine and a half months the typical time to get over that? Am I behind some schedule that you've all set for me?"

"Mer…"

"No, don't give me that pitying tone," Meredith snapped. "I'm sorry that I'm not moving on fast enough for you. I'm sorry that I can't act like things are exactly the same as they were last year. But you know what? Things aren't the same! Jackson is dead. Gone. Buried. And I for one am sick and tired of everyone around me acting like that shouldn't bother me! Like I should be able to just tuck that away and get on with life. That is _not_ how things work, at least not for me. So you pass this message on to everyone else - I'm through apologizing for the fact that I'm still grieving, so you all can take the sideways glances and the not-so-subtle comments on my mental health and the pitying glances…you can take those and just shove 'em, because I'm done with it."

Cristina frowned and sighed as Meredith turned on her heel and hurried out of the room and up the stairs toward her bedroom, brushing past Molly as she went.

"Did you hear that?" Cristina asked as Molly walked into the kitchen.

Molly nodded and smiled.

"Well then, why the hell are you smiling?" Cristina asked in confusion. "She's pissed off!"

"Maybe so," Molly agreed. "But that's more emotion than I've heard come out of Meredith in at least eight months. Now hurry up with that tequila, we're going to miss the ball drop if you don't hurry up."

* * *

Meredith let a small sigh escape her lips as she glanced over at the clock on her bedside table and saw that it was nearly midnight. As she flopped back down on her bed and stared at the ceiling, she could hear the sounds of her family downstairs, jostling for position near the television as they passed around glasses of champagne and prepared to toast the new year. She knew she should be down there, if only to reassure them that she hadn't jumped off the roof or whatever ridiculous thing they'd think up for her next. She wanted to be down there, too, if only to provide some sense of normalcy for Jack and Suzie. Somehow, though, she just couldn't bring herself to join them. She'd done so many holidays alone over the past year - Easter, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas. After all of it, Meredith couldn't bring herself to put on a happy face for one more celebration.

So instead she crossed her arms over her chest and carefully contemplated a small crack in the ceiling as she heard the shouting start from downstairs. _Happy New Year, indeed_, she thought sadly, feeling anything but happy about the coming year.

"Knock, knock."

Meredith pushed herself up onto her elbows and frowned when she saw Lexie in the doorway, a glass of champagne in each hand. "Shouldn't you be downstairs with the others?"

Lexie shrugged and stepped into the room, handing Meredith a glass before sitting down cross-legged on the end of the bed. "Mark had to go in to work, so I figured since I didn't have anyone to kiss, I'd come bug you. What are you doing up here?"

"Not much."

"Wallowing in self-pity again?"

Meredith sighed and glared at her sister. "Lexie…"

"I know, I know," Lexie said defensively. "It was a joke, Meredith. Lighten up a bit."

"Well, I'm glad you find this all amusing."

Lexie sighed. "Sorry. So what were you really doing up here by yourself?"

"Just thinking."

"About what?"

Meredith shrugged and looked away. "Last year."

Lexie smiled sadly and took a sip of her champagne but didn't say anything.

"Everything was so…I don't know, normal, this time last year," Meredith said. "I just wonder if I'll ever be normal again."

Lexie smirked and shook her head. "Hate to break it to you, sweetie, but you've _never_ been normal."

Meredith rolled her eyes and sighed. "You know what I mean," she said. "I spent so much of my life miserable, resenting my mother, hating Thatcher, avoiding you…I never thought I'd really be happy, but then all of a sudden, I was. And I feel like I've spent the last twenty years waiting for the other shoe to drop, and it finally did. I hardly even remember what it was like to not dread waking up every morning."

"Meredith…"

"I know, I know…_cheer up, it's a holiday_," Meredith retorted, mimicking the tone her sister had used on her so many times in the past. "I know that. And I'm sorry that I snapped at Cristina, but I just can't do it today, Lex. I put on a happy face and made it through Easter and Halloween and Christmas…I just can't do another one right now."

"I understand," Lexie said, reaching to squeeze her sister's hand. "Next year will be better."

Meredith shook her head. "You can't know that."

"Of course I can," Lexie protested. "Just think about it for a minute. Both the twins will be here for their birthday next week, which hasn't happened in years. In a few months, you're going to have a beautiful little granddaughter to spoil rotten. Suzie's graduating from high school in May, and Jack's going to start junior high in the fall. And you…we've got another clinical trial starting up in the spring, remember? These are all good things, Mer. And hey, who knows? Maybe Matt will propose to Evie this year. That would just be icing on the cake, don't you think?"

Meredith shook her head. "I wouldn't bet on Evie taking a trip down the aisle any time soon, Lexie."

"Why? Do you know something I don't?"

"Even if I did, I wouldn't tell you," Meredith said. "But just think about it. She's twenty-two years old, Lexie. Were _you_ ready to get married when you were twenty-two?"

Lexie frowned and then blushed slightly as she thought back to the things that she'd been doing at twenty-two. "Yeah, uh…no. Definitely not. I mean, I had a boyfriend. Nice guy, too. But I definitely wasn't ready to do the whole white dress, rings, forever thing. But Molly and Annie both did it years before that."

"Okay, Molly and Annie are the exception, not the rule," Meredith pointed out. "And for the record, Molly's first marriage should probably not be your argument in favor of young marriages."

"You have a point there," Lexie agreed. "But anyway, all I'm trying to say is that I know this has been the crappiest year ever, but it's over." Lexie glanced at the clock and smiled. "We're officially one minute into a much better new year. This year _will_ be better, Meredith."

"I hope you're right," Meredith said with a sigh. "I really thing we're at a breaking point, Lexie. This family can't handle any more pain right now."


End file.
